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Autobiography, significant event & professional goal ("a young adult author")


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Describing myself has always been a tough task. There is so much to say about myself, I wouldn't know where to begin. I can start by saying that I am a diligent and determined young girl. When I want something, I fight long and hard for it. I am also creative. I love writing stories, performing for different occasions and helping others with projects or work for their classes. As a child, people used to tell me that I had a huge imagination, was very open-minded, daring, and bold. I always knew there was something different about me from all the other kids in school. My imagination ran wild, as thoughts of stories, poems and essays came out so easily. The Lord blessed me with this mind to create and flourish into the great mind similar to that of the great philosophers of our past. This is why attending the University of Florida is a true dream come true. This school has one of the best Journalism programs in the state Florida.
June 22, 2008, my loving grandmother died, leaving the ones that cared deeply for her alone. My family mourned and regretted the fact that we didn't send her back to Haiti to have one last moment with the rest of her family and friends before she passed. Life hasn't been the same since she left this world but never have we forgotten where she lies now; which is forever in our hearts.
My grandmother knew how smart I am and she always pushed me to aim for nothing but stars. Even though at times I've felt like giving up, she was there to bring me back up and let me know I could do it. Now with my 3.8 weighted GPA and still getting higher, I believe I can pretty much succeed anywhere. I have my lovely grandmother to thank and for that I will always be grateful.
My profession goal is to become a young adult author. I've always dreamt of becoming a writer. I am an avid reader and books help my imagination run. I can create a story in less than ten minutes. It's just a passion to write stories that people will be so indulged in. It amazes me how people love to read about other people's imaginations. Writing is my refuge. Whenever something went wrong, I just got my pen and paper and blocked the world as the ink flowed from the pen and onto the paper. I plan on going to UF to gain a better knowledge of writing and literature and then move on to publishing my work. From then, I'll see where this writing career takes me.
I am a good candidate for this community living scholarship because I have nothing to fall back on. After my grandmother's death, a number of financial dues set my family into debt. My mother had to pay the hospital bills, the funeral payments and the payments to the church in order to have a ceremony in her name. Following these events, we almost lost our house. It took a toll out of my mother. It was hard to deal with but we managed. Being able to receive money to help further my education would be a blessing from God. Because I am not an only child, my mother has to split her income so many ways in order to keep us fed and keep a roof over our heads. If I do not receive some other type of aid, I probably won't be able to go to the college of my choice and get the education I deserve.
Mar 27, 2011, 03:04pm   #
Hi! I'm not a native speaker, but that's what I;ve noticed:

"As a child, people used to tell me ..." It should be "When I was a child, people....

I think it's better to bind second para with the previous one with a parenthesis, crossing to grandmother is too sharp.

I'm not sure that you need to stress so much your urgency for money in the last para. Scholarship is not charity, you need to show that you deserve it.

On the whole, I liked you essay). I think you've managed to show your spirit in it, spirit of a future journalist.
Describing myself has always been a tough task. There is so much to say about myself, I wouldn't know where to begin. I can start by saying that I am a diligent and determined young girl. Do not bore the reader. Begin with a big bang:
When I want something, I fight long and hard for it. I am also creative. I love writing stories, performing for different occasions and helping others with ...----Ah, now this is god writing. :-)

...that we didn't send her back to Haiti to have one last moment with the rest of her family and friends before she passed. ----it's okay! We have plenty of moments every time we come to this world! She's probably here with you now.

I've always dreamt of becoming a writer. I am an avid reader and books help my imagination run. ---Oh, no wonder you write so well. Very good! Read Strunk and White! Also, read Ursula LeGuin. :-)

It took a toll out of on my mother.

If I do not receive some other type of aid, I probably won't be able to go to the college of my choice and get the education I deserve.---This is a very strong ending! I love it. You have a powerful style.



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