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Application Essay; Study Objectives and Field of study. Scholarship.


answers: 4
May 9, 2010, 11:10pm   #1
Hi guys,

I have to turn in this application in two weeks, so I'd love to read your comments on possible improvements to make any necessary changes.

The topic is: Proposed field of study and study objectives:

When I was a little kid I yearned to be cop, yet I loved thinking about how everything was related to everything, just like a jig saw puzzle, and so, I decided I'd rather be a famous puzzle solver, just like Batman's The Riddler.

SEE BELOW

Thanks for your feedback.

May 10, 2010, 12:54am   #2
When I was a little kid I yearned to be a cop, yet I loved thinking about how everything wasis related to everything else, just like a jig saw puzzle, and so, I decided I'd rather be a famous puzzle solver, just like Batman's The Riddler. OnIn/During that exact moment, a six year old boy decided his future. Afterwards, he promptly discarded it; after all, the police hadhave nice cars. It wasn't until on my junior year of high school, while taking my first class of economics ever, whenthat I remembered my short lived decision. While listening to a lecture (delivered by a slightly extremist and disgruntled teacher) about offer, demand, taxes, and about how no one in the government knows what they are doing, I remembered how much I loved to solve puzzles. Economics reminded me so much about the scattered pieces, and just then, I knew I was the right person to put them back together; I had chosen my career for a second and definite time.

Thus, I entered the only economics school Honduras has and promptly graduated with honors as first of the class. Still, I didn't feel satisfied. As I studied and delved myself deeper into economics, I realized something: The puzzle I wanted to solve was harder than what I had imagined. After that epiphany, my mind was set; I wanted to learn more, I needed to. As for what I wanted to learn about, the answer was clear, economics, and the best way of doing that, for me, is obtaining a master's degree in economics.

Since I did study economics, I have a good grasp on its many complexities and particularities, which is why I consider it the most interesting science I couldcan hope to understand. Yet, at the same time, I'm aware that what I know is not nearly enough to truly comprehend the vastness of my chosen field of study. Therefore, the main objective I hope to reach, if given the opportunity, is to assist attendan economics school that gives me the necessary elements to continue learning economic theory; either by improving what I have already learned, or by exposing me to the new methodologies and ideas that have yet to reach my country.

Additionally, the previous objectives will serve as stepping stones to fulfill other goals, such as getting a doctorates degree in economics or helping, to the extent of my capacity, my beloved faculty of economics, which is part of Honduras's public university. But, beyond that, there lies another objective I have set for myself, one I decided upon on the final day of my first economics class ever. That day, the not so disgruntled anymore teacher, asked all of his students to state a goal for themselves. The answers were varied. Many wanted to forgo studying and form a family as soon as possible (a byproduct of our setback society), others wanted to become CEO's, and sure enough, some wanted to become presidents or rich businessmen, but not me. I wanted above all, to create an economic theory that contributes, in a significant manner, to the world's welfare, and specially to developing countries, such as Honduras, welfare. Consequently, I see your scholarship program as more than money or an aid to further my career. I see it as the first step towards fulfilling an unreal objective, towards creating something for society.



Fantastic essay. This is the best essay I've read in a long time, thus, I don't really have any advice or suggestions. I love how you wove in your accomplishments without making it seem like bragging. Great job!
Overall, I really impress with your piece. It is really cohension in the content with interesting informations. And I have some comments in my opinion:

TropicalGuy:
When I was a little kid I yearned to be cop, yet I loved thinking about how everything was related to everything


When I was a little kid I yearned to be a cop, yet I loved thinking about how everything related each other

TropicalGuy:
On that exact moment, a six year old boy decided his future.

At that exact moment, a six year old boy decided his future.
TropicalGuy:
Afterwards, he promptly discarded it; after all, the police had nice cars.

This sentence can reduce the worth of your writing, because you begin with the dream of a kid. That almost guide the man afterwards. So I think you should consider this sentence, in my opinion it is better to remove it.

TropicalGuy:
Thus, I entered the only economics school Honduras has and promptly graduated with honors as first of the class. Still, I didn't feel satisfied.

Thus, I entered the only economics these Honduras school has and promptly graduated with honors as the first of my class. Still, I didn't feel satisfied.

TropicalGuy:
Since I did study economics, I have a good grasp on its many complexities and particularities, which is why I consider it the most interesting science I could hope to understand

Since I did study economics, I have a good grasp of its many complexities and particularities, which is why I consider it the most interesting science I could hope to understand.
May 10, 2010, 10:15am   #4
The topic is: Proposed field of study and study objectives:

When I was a little kid/child I yearned to be a cop, yet I loved thinking about how everything was related to everything, just like a jigsaw puzzle, and so, I decided I would rather be a famous puzzle solver, just like Batman's The Riddler. On that exact moment, a six year old boy decided his future. Afterwards, he promptly discarded it; after all, the police had nice cars. It wasn't until my junior year of high school, while taking my first class of economics, that I remembered my short-lived decision. While listening to a lecture (delivered/given by a slightly extremist and disgruntled teacher) about offer, demand, taxes, and about how no one in the government knows what they are doing, I remembered how much I loved to solve puzzles. Economics reminded me so much of scattered pieces, and just then, I knew I was the right person to put them back together; I had chosen my career for the second time and that time I did it more confidently.

Thus, I entered the only economics school Honduras has and promptly graduated with honors as top of the class. Still, I didn't feel satisfied. As I studied and delved myself deeper into economics, I realized that the puzzle I wanted to solve was harder than what I had imagined. After that epiphany, my mind was set; I wanted to learn more and I needed to. As for what I wanted to learn about, the answer was clear - economics. The best way of doing that, for me, was obtaining a master's degree in economics.

Since I did study economics, I have a good grasp on its many complexities and particularities, which is why I consider it the most interesting science I could hope to understand. Yet, at the same time, I'm aware that what I know is not nearly enough to truly comprehend/understand the vastness of my/the chosen field of study. Therefore, the main objective I hope to reach, if given the opportunity, is to attend an economics school that gives me the necessary elements to continue learning economic theory; either by improving what I have already learned, or by exposing me to the new methodologies and ideas that have yet to reach my country.

Additionally, the previous objectives will serve as stepping stones to fulfill other goals, such as getting a doctorates degree in economics or helping, to the extent of my capacity, my beloved faculty of economics, which is part of Honduras's public university. But, beyond that, there lies another objective I have set myself, one I decided upon on the final day of my first economics class ever. That day, the teacher not so disgruntled anymore, asked all of his students to state goals for themselves. The answers (were different)/varied. Many wanted to forego studying and form a family as soon as possible (a byproduct of our setback society), others wanted to become CEO's, and sure enough, some wanted to become presidents or rich businessmen, but not me. I wanted above all, to create an economic theory that contributes, in a significant manner, to the world's welfare, and specially to developing countries, such as Honduras, welfare. Consequently, I see your scholarship program as more than money or an aid to my further career. I see it as the first step towards fulfilling an unreal objective, towards creating something for society.
May 11, 2010, 08:23pm   #5
Thanks a lot guys. I appreciate your help and advice. I'll try to give advice to other essay writers (well, when the unanswered category has a subject I can help in). This is a great forum.



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