Yes, it is fine. Here is the final version. I changed a lot but I did not use colors, so read it all please and tell me what you think:
To Whom It May Concern,
Here is the revised version, let me know what you think! Read it all, I changed lots of stuff but did not leave marks.
It is with great pleasure that I both introduce and recommend Mr. Muhammad Usman, a brilliant student, to your institution. I have known Mr. Usman and his family for fifteen years and can, in full confidence, vouch for his academic superiority, his leadership qualities, his kindness, and his passion. Mr. Usman, currently a student at our college, has a remarkable academic background. He has shown a profound interest in all his subjects and consistently hands in assignments of astounding quality. In both his 5th and 8th classes, he earned distinctions and bears his name on the display board under the heading of "High Achievers". His skills are not only evident within our school but throughout the district. Muhammad participated in a speech competition and placed admirably, earning certificates in English speech and general knowledge.
Mr. Usman has consistently lead our school in academics, however tough economic conditions have forced him to leave his studies for some years and take up manual labor. As you might have noticed from his transcript, Muhammad displays fairly low marks in matriculation; however the reason for this is not because of a lack of interest, but rather because of his distraught social and economic conditions. Working long hours in the fields to support his family inevitably takes time away from his ability to study. It took Muhammad many years to improve his financial condition and resume his academic endeavors. Nonetheless, Mr. Usman participated in a government sponsored academic competition in which he defended his title, placing first, out of 42 thousand students, in the BISE Multan and second, out of 300 thousand students, in the Punjab Province. Furthermore, Muhammad also received a Gold medal from the Punjab government, a feat worth much praise. In light of all this, Muhammad prepared for these examinations on his own, without the help of any teachers. This shows his fierce determination to succeed and his incredible talents.
It was an honor for me to teach such a brilliant young man. Regardless of his financial situation, domestic problems, mental stress, and lack of opportunity, this extraordinary young man has accomplished feats others can only dream of. Students of his caliber are very rare to come across; he prepared for 12 academic subjects in only 6 months, while competing with students who have attended courses for two years.
I am sure that he will be successful in his field, as he has chosen sociology as a field of study in future as he is diligent and has keen interest in studies. In my teaching career and as a head of the school, I have not seen such a wonderful "High Achiever" story in my life practically. The key of his success is that he has control over his bad habits.
I am sure that Muhammad will have a profound impact in the field of sociology as he is diligent and demonstrates a genuine interest for the major. I have come to respect this young man and regard him as a glimpse of perfection.
I have tried my best to provide you with the best and most accurate information regarding Mr. Usman. It is with all these mentioned personal attributes and talents that I can, without hesitation, recommend Mr. Usman. I am confident he will quickly become a prized asset to your institution.
You may contact me for any further assistance in any matter concerning Mr. Usman, please do not hesitate.