help me to write cover letter (non-English speaking country)

Hi, I do not know on which sub forum should I put this kind of writing.. I come from a non english speaking country.. Hope to get a feed back .. thank you


Below is my cover letter :


My name is Reza Adinata, a student in Parayhangan University, Indonesia. I am currently working on my bachelor degree in Telecommunication Engineering, with the final project on "Implementation of an Backbone Network." I am seeking for an internship in February – March 2009, while waiting for my final project presentation.

I have a big interest in networking and am eager to have a deeper knowledge in networking, so I decided to apply an internship program in B company, Indonesia. I have practical skills in computer networks, being a laboratory assistant in Computer Networks Laboratory, and working on my final project in Telematics Laboratory on the fourth grades in Parahyangan university. I also had an internship experience in fundamental of IP Multimedia Subsystem in A research centre (2008).

I will be working with all my ability and eagerness to have all of the responsibility for joining your company. I thrive on challenges and will spend the time and effort it takes to succeed.

For further information, I also attach my curriculum vitae. Thank you in advance for your highly consideration of my application

Indonesia, January 9th 2009
Sincerely

Reza Adinata

Here are a bunch of grammatical fixes you could make:

"My name is Reza Adinata, and I am a student in Parayhangan University, Indonesia.

"I am seeking for an internship in February."

"with my final project focused on "Implementation of an Backbone Network."

"I am very interested in networking and am eager to learn more about it."

"Thank you in advance for your highly consideration of my application"

Dear sir or madam:

My name is Reza Adinata, and I am a student at Parayhangan University in Indonesia. I am currently working on my bachelor's degree in telecommunication engineering with my final project focusing on "Implementation of an Backbone Network." I am seeking for an internship to begin in February or March 2009, while waiting for my final project presentation.

I am extremely interested in networking and am eager to increase and enhance my knowledge of networking; therefore, I decided to apply for an internship program at B company located in Indonesia. I have practical skills in computer networks, being a laboratory assistant in computer networks laboratory, and working on my final project in telematics laboratory on the fourth grades in Parahyangan University. In 2008, I also had an internship experience in fundamental of IP multimedia subsystems in a research center.

With all my ability and eagerness, I would like to join your company.

For your review and reference, I also attach my curriculum vitae. Thank you in advance for your highly consideration of my application. I look forward to speaking with you soon to answer any questions you might have or to set up an interview.


Sincerely,

Reza Adinata

My first idea is that you should start with a sentence that will INTRIGUE the reader. Can you start with a sentence that will cause me to wonder about you? What is your greatest, deepest insight into networking (and communication in general)? Can you open with a sentence that will surprise the reader... something unexpected or very original?

The way it is, it shows you to be very serious as a student!

These are the corrections that came to mind for me:

I am seeking for an internship in February – March 2009, while waiting for my final project presentation.

I have a strong interest in networking and am eager to have a deeper knowledge in networking, so I decided to apply an internship program in B company, Indonesia. I also have practical skills in computer networks, being a laboratory assistant in...

I take the correction of EF_Constance, and put a new paragraph (1st) from EF_kevin.. would appreciate if there is a further feedback



Dear sir or madam:

Having to know the world of networking during my bachelor study, I decided to build a small network alone based on IP Multimedia Subsytem in my laboratory for my final project. My interest on it became bigger remembering that the technology has not matured yet here in Indonesia, and I would like to take part on testing and developing the system.

My name is Reza Adinata, and I am a student at Parayhangan University in Indonesia. I am currently working on my bachelor's degree in telecommunication engineering. I am seeking for an internship to begin in February or March 2009, while waiting for my final project presentation.

I am extremely interested in networking and am eager to increase and enhance my knowledge of networking; therefore, I decided to apply for an internship program at B company located in Indonesia. I have practical skills in computer networks, being a laboratory assistant in computer networks laboratory, and working on my final project in telematics laboratory on the fourth grades in Parahyangan University. In 2008, I also had an internship experience in fundamental of IP multimedia subsystems in a research center.

With all my ability and eagerness, I would like to join your company.

For your review and reference, I also attach my curriculum vitae. Thank you in advance for your consideration of my application. I look forward to speaking with you soon to answer any questions you might have or to set up an interview.


Sincerely,

Reza Adinata

Much better. I think it flows much better this way (with Kevin's suggestions of the paragraph transplant). Good luck!

thank you all ..