The prompt is "Water: Why is it important?" and I was told to write between 500 and a 1000 words. They weren't asking for a scientific approach, such as about its polarity and its use as a solvent etc., so I took the approach that I did. So, here it is (blunt honesty is very much appreciated):
Bruce Lee, the great martial artist, once said, "Be water, my friend." Water's molecular structure may enable it to be the basis of all life but its importance goes well above and beyond that. It represents an ideal and a way that many people choose to govern their lives.
Water has no form or shape. Instead, it is flexible and willing to change. If you fill up a clay pot with water, it will take the shape of the clay pot and if you fill up a cup with water, it will become the cup. This serves to emphasize that we too should be flexible in our thoughts and beliefs; we should adapt to our surroundings. Rigidness in a world, especially with the constant integration of cultures experienced nowadays, will lead to loneliness and inconvenience whereas an amalgamation of different thoughts will lead to progress and success. Any problem can be overcome through flexibility, be it global warming or Eygpt's political complications.
It isn't murky or clouded. Transparency is its art and honesty is what it represents. It does not delve into bias - if it is transparent for you, it is transparent for me. Similarly, our honesty should not discriminate; one should be honest with honest people as well as dishonest people. Where would the world be if everyone lied and dissembled? Trust would dissolve into obscurity and collaboration would be an idea of the past - yet another positive trait devoid of meaning. Hence, water's transparency symbolizes humanity's need for candidness and, consequentially, guiltlessness and camaraderie.
Modesty is a virtue that creates nothing but a positive impression to the general population. Exuded confidence, in moderation, causes no harm but haughtiness is frowned upon, and water does exactly that. The intriguing and soft aesthetics of water in the natural world entice people from the world over, but beneath its soft appearance is a formidable being that can wear away rock. Such modesty not only creates a favorable impression but also, in some situations, creates trust. Furthermore, its hidden forcefulness and determination fuel one's ambition and foster success.
When water is poured onto the road and is confronted with multiple fissures, it does not choose which fissure to make its own. It travels down each and everyone in its journey to a lower physical position. It is unmurmuring and does not discriminate. As it follows its path, it accepts and adapts to everything and leaves a little bit of itself wherever it goes. We too can benefit from being open-minded and as we accept what others have to say, others accept out thoughts, leaving, in essence, a part of ourselves.
What's most important is how interlinked water is. If you don't have one, you cannot have another. In other words, if you are overconfident or conceited, you do not leave yourself open to other opinions, your inflexibility shuns collaboration and relationships away, and your trust in others, as well as that of others in you, is wavering. All the ideals come together to coalesce into one consummate person.
It is true that without water we wouldn't be alive, but where would we stand as people if we didn't incorporate all the other ideals that water stands for?
- What do you think about it?
- Where could I improve?
- I am on the lower end of the word count with around 540 words, so what changes do you think I could make to increase it?
Thank you very much
Exuded confidence, in moderation, causes no harm but haughtiness is frowned upon, and water does exactly that.
This sentence is unclear. Water does what?
In the part about modesty, you remind me of another thing Bruce Lee said about water... it sinks to the lowest point (just like a judo player lowering her stance), but water can also penetrate rock. It is humble but powerful.
Your essay is brilliant. You cannot improve it much, because it is already so great! :-) Good topic, too.
It is true that without water we wouldn't be alive, but where would we stand as people if we didn't incorporate all the other ideals that water stands for?---You can add more to the essay by expanding this and making it into one of the body paragraphs. This idea is not good as the conclusion. You say BUT as though making life possible and demonstrating ideals are mutually exclusive. Use a few sentences to explain what you really mean: Water presevers life, but we should not make the mistake of thinking it is only of practical usefulness. It also has INSTRUCTIONAL VALUE.
:-) Congratulations on being a great writer!
