You have a very good essay! Here are my suggestions:
"Over the past fifty years, we have seen a great deal of economic development throughout the whole world but at the same time, our oil-dependent society is demanding more oil than can currently be supplied
. As a long term effect, the finite resource, oil, will run out. The extreme rising of oil prices
affected us dramatically and the price is expected to rise even higher in the summer of 2008, making it
hard to believe that it is ever going drop in the future. According to lifeafteroilcrash.net, "Oil is increasingly plentiful on the upslope of the bell curve, increasingly scarce and expensive on the down slope. Once the peak is passed, oil production begins to go down while cost begins to go up" (Running). Is this the author of this statement? If so, use his/her name in the previous in-text citation instead of the website. If it was a website without an author name, you can cite the title of the article after the quote, using quotation marks inside the ellipses.
High oil price is now a world-wide concern,
but what causes
the soaring oil price? As economies develop, the demand for oil increases
, so as a long term effect, oil supply
will decrease and eventually
The economy and the population of countries are constantly improving and growing, so in the last fifty or so years the booming of countries economies led to an increase in
oil consumption. It is estimated that by the year 2030, countries will be more industrialized and population will have
by twice as much;
consequently, our demand for oil will also increase. As economies and population increase, the demand for oil will also increase;
at the same time the finite supply of oil will decrease, thus making
the oil price increase.
People of this modern and oil-dependent society consumed more oil than the amount supplied and for that reason, oil prices have
been challenged. According to lifeafteroilcrash.net, "We now consume 6 barrels of oil for every barrel we find" (Explore) See my earlier note regarding citations.
. Why do we consume so much oil? According to Richard C. Duncan, "In all human history, no substance has so changed economies, social structures, and lifestyles so rapidly, so profoundly, and affected so many people as has oil." (Duncan). Oil is what creates the society, and even things we use everyday are derived from oil. Transportation, agriculture, computers, microchips, internet (electricity), highways and constructions of cities (concrete and cement) are just few things out of millions that are dependent on oil. If there is no more oil, the consequences would be unimaginable. Oil is extremely important to our society. I
f there is permanent fuel shortage, it would bring long economic depression and it might change a rich country to a poor country. In our modern society, we have higher demand of oil than the supply; as a result, the amount of oil is going to decrease as the prices increase. (You have stated this numerous times in the essay already, and it is beginning to become redundant. You can rewrite the sentence so that it is different from the others; for example, "Our needs in a modern society contribute to the higher oil demand, which results in higher prices." Or, you can take it out completely.
As the demand for oil increases, more pipelines connecting the new source What new source? If you are going to start talking about finding new sources, you should introduce that topic before you make reference to it.
of oil should be built to meet the future demand. Oil companies are not willingly to invest money on something if there is no guarantee of success because they know that 90% of the oil inside the earth has
been discovered, which means that only 10% of oil has not been discovered yet. This sounds like a statistic; where is your reference?
Who is left to drill the 10% leftover oil? No one is. According to lifeafteroilcrash.net, they said (When you quote someone like this directly, the proper format is to state their name, insert a comma, and then go right into the quote. There is no need to insert "he/she/they said".
, "A June 2006 report indicated the world's biggest five oil companies are now focusing on developing existing reserves. That's a nice way of saying 'there aren't enough significant sized oil fields left to find to make it worth our time and money to look for them' " (explore) See my earlier comment on citation format
. As our oil dependent society has a (Because it is still going on currently.)
higher demand for
oil, more pipelines should be built to meet these demands, but oil companies are not willingly to invest money on this venturing business. This could be a more appropriate location to place that sentence from above referring to "new sources" and pipelines.As oil dependent countries' economies and population increase, oil demands will also increase, and therefore, more pipelines should be built to meet these demands. This sentence should be connected to the above sentences because they share the same topic; oil pipelines. Always start new paragraphs with new ideas.Oil price is soaring because the demands of oil keep on increasing, as the finite supply of oil is decreasing, so as a long term effect, oil price will increase. Again, this statement is redundant; reword it or remove it completely.
According to Tim Appenzeller of National Geographic, he said Remove.
, "But in the end the quest for more cheap oil will prove a losing game: Not just because oil consumption imposes severe costs on the environment, health, and taxpayers, but also because the world's oil addiction is hastening a day of reckoning. Humanity's way of life is on a collision course with geology-with the stark fact that the Earth holds a finite supply of oil. The flood of crude from fields around the world will ultimately top out, and then dwindle" (Appenzeller). We cannot compete with the amount of oil What do you mean "compete"? Please clarify here.
since it is a finite resource. Someday, time will prove us a failure to this game against the amount How about "wanton usage" or "irresponsible usage"
of oil. The three main factors that contribute to the soaring oil price are increased of Remove economic activities Like what? You could give two examples here to clarify. "...activities such as ...".
, higher demand of oil than supply Change to "what exists"
and oil companies are not willingly to invest money on this risky drilling of oil (they know that the amount of oil is running low). How about rewriting to something such as, "...oil companies that are unwilling to invest money in risky drilling operations."
It is inevitable that oil will run out but who knows how long our society will last after the oil has gone
. The time scale is not centuries, it is decades. "
The introduction works really well; the conclusion needs a little cleaning up structurally. The content is good, but go ahead and make it its own paragraph. Start with "We cannot compete..." indented and starting its own paragraph.
A couple of suggestions for your in text citations. If you are quoting a website without an author, the in text citation should look like this:
("Name of article"). If there is an author, use only the author's name in the in-text citation (So-and-so, year). In the works cited page is where you specify where you physically located the information. For the works cited page, here is an example:
Author. "Title of Web Page." Title of the Site. Editor. Date and/or Version Number.
Name of Sponsoring Institution. Date of Access <URL>.
Make sure you using hanging indentation for each of your work cited entries that require more than one line. Also, the works cited page needs to be in alphabetical order, according to last names and article titles. It should start with
Campbell, C. J. "Oil Crisis." Oil Crisis.
and end with
The End of Cheap Oil." National Geographic Magazine. June-July 2004. National Geographic.
I hope this helps!