Prostitution is a world wide controversial matter, that has been around for many years. Prostitution itself is an old profession, but what about it leads to controversial arguments and opposing view points from our society? The idea that prostitution poses of selling one's body in exchange for money has had a negative impact in our society since it was first introduced into our presence. The many risk factors that follow prostitution, for example HIV, are one of many problems associated with going against legalizing prostitution. However, many people feel that diseases will be less frequent with legalizing prostitution . I would like to further explore this topic throughout the course of the semester, and gain an enhanced insight involved on each opposing side's point of view towards the issue, while finding the relevant information needed to back up my ideas and theory for this particular topic.
I feel that my thesis isnt strong enough, and its not correctly written. Please help!
Im going against it.
And this is just a proposal for now, my final essay isnt until later on in the semester.
Okay..
I think you have a good start. Here are some immediate pointers.
Right off the back take out all the "many's" that you have scattered, "many" is a wasted word and doesn't contribute to your paper at all.
"The many risk factors that follow prostitution, for example HIV, are one of many problems associated with going against legalizing prostitution. However, many people"
Also, in terms of your paper. I thesis is an opinion. You stating a side and arguing for it with evidence. You did not do that at all. You have two choices:
1) Prostitution should be legalized because..
2) Prostitution should not be legalized because...
Both are equally fine.
Also. You need this paper to be objective no subjective, meaning no "I" statements whatsoever. You are merely stating facts and evidence. Take out
"I would like to further explore this topic throughout the course of the semester, and gain an enhanced insight involved on each opposing side's point of view towards the issue, while finding the relevant information needed to back up my ideas and theory for this particular topic. "
If that is not part of your thesis I apologize.
Try starting from scratch, stating an opinion, then sticking to it.
Prostitution is a worldwide, controversial matter that has been around for many years.
The many risk factors that follow prostitution, for example HIV, are one of many problems associated with going ...
The conclusion of this is very well-written! I think you have a fascinating subject here!!
