Help with my thesis for Performance - Enhancing Drugs and Athletes

I need some help making my thisis more arguable, and maybe worded a litte better.

This is what i have right now:

Due to the use of performance - enhancing drugs by professional athletes there has been increased use at the high school level, their athletics as well as academics are suffering because of the focus on the drugs athletes are using and the negative effects that they cause.

Any suggestions would be great!

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help! First off, your thesis is a run-on sentence. The first sentence should end at "level." Let's see if we can make it a little tighter: "Both athletics and academics at the high school level are suffering as students continually see news of their sports heroes' use of performance-enhancing drugs." You would then go on to explain the connection. There are many ways you could write the thesis; just remember to keep it succinct and to the point.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Thats great! Thanks

You're welcome!

Sarah, EssayForum.com