Alright, I started Eng 112 today.
We have to read the following poem, and submit a reply from the perspective that we're replying to the author, to help people become "acquainted with us." The poem, instructions, and my response are all here. My response ended up rhyming an awful lot, the "ee" sound. Let me know what you think, just for kicks.
OH BY THE WAY. I, MUSTAFA FROM NVCC, OWN THE RIGHTS TO MY WORK HERE.
Instructions:
Neruda writes: "Someone will ask later, sometimes/searching for a name, his own or someone else's/why I neglected..." Consider that you are the person Neruda has forgotten to mention.
Write a letter to Neruda, telling him about yourself. How would you like Neruda to remember you? Why would you like Neruda to remember you? You can write about any of your qualities that Neruda mentions in his poem: your sadness, your love, your reason, your delirium, your hardships, or you can tell him about a quality you have that he has omitted.
Neruda Poem:
REMOVED
MUSTAFA'S (FROM NVCC) PROPERTY:
Now you mention that you neglected me,
that you failed me, but how exactly
can you speak to what is me? The fact is, you know nothing about me.
Let me tell you what I think of your plight. Perhaps in doing
so I can explain why I say that I worry more for you than you could ever for me.
I admired your courage and accountability. You had a
unique opportunity to draw attention to people
who had no voice. You had a pulpit to cast the spotlight
on those who were amoral and depraved. You didn't shirk
your responsibility and that's mountains more than you could say for other people who were in a similar position but chose to do nothing. But, it seems now you too have erred;
subtly, but no less egregiously. You played a role that has
since long passed, but you feel the need to wallow in regret
and sorrow. You are kidding no one, not even yourself.
You started out doing a noble deed, but somewhere,
in some moment, you became corrupted and lost sight
of your purpose. When was that? It seems like such
a long time ago. When was it that you understood and accepted what role you had to play?
Now you are the pitied. Dare try you to elevate yourself to a position of higher authority?
How is it that you've overlooked the one commonality, the cohesive fabric that we're all human beings?
No, you would have yourself believe you are the final authority. Beyond you, there is no jury??
We have all faded to parity and ultimate justice.
So how would I have you remember me? As a void in your memory.
Why would I have you remember me? I wouldn't.
You are polar to me, so you look at yourself and see what is not me.
I really enjoyed Neruda Poem. You are very good at expressing your words in a way that in not overly wordy and you make the poem easy for the reader to follow. If I can suggest a modification it would be the point where you wrote:
But I didn't have enough time or ink for everyone.
I would consider a smoother transition on this sentence, other then that great work.
Unshella
Haha, sorry if I gave the impression that the poem is mine?
I just wrote the reply. That poem was written by Pablo Neruda.
Ha, nice job. The first 5 lines are especially great. If your prof finds room to criticize, let him post his criticisms here for me to deride.
Your confident voice is well-supported, and the only thing that could cause you to lose credibility is the anger that the reader can sense... but the anger makes it great! If you have to do anything important, cover the anger, but for this poem the anger and confidence are great. Sometimes the prof has to just take respectful notice, because real art gets presented.
Now, try making it more poetic. Really, anything without meter isn't a true poem, so the obvious approach would be to make your work metrical. It isn't that difficult to put things in iambic pentameter. But, if you want to stick with the easier, modernist approach of creating broken up prose that you pass off as poetry, you could at least throw in some poetic techniques, anaphora, chiasmus, rhyme, alliteration, assonance, consonance, litotes, etc.
