van82 1 / - Nov 1, 2010 #1be as critical as possible and give me some suggestionsAbout to begin my lifeI found myself ready to walk, run and jumpinto this adventure in which no one assures you to succeedThis adventure in which a branch is an enormous treeThis adventure in which a water drop is the oceanThis adventure in which my heart is redder than my bloodThis adventure in which I take little things that mean more than their size.My past is frothy,My life unusual,My face peculiar,My fate immense,I'm an extinct human--no one can find a similar.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12 Nov 6, 2010 #2I like your poem a lot! It feels wrong to help people with poetry, as if I were being asked to change the colors of a painting. Hmm, if it were mine;About to begin my lifeI found myself ready to walk, run and jumpinto this adventure in which no one assures you to succeed ---can guarantee my successThis adventure in which a branch is an enormous tree ---I am a branch in an enormous treeThis adventure in which a water drop is the ocean ---I am a drop of water in the oceanThis adventure in which my heart is redder than my bloodThis adventure in which I take little things that mean more than their size.My past is frothy,My life unusual,My face peculiar,My fate immense, ---futureI'm an extinct human--no one can find a similar.---a unique human
