Hi there. First of all, thanks for giving poetry a chance! You'll slowly improve with time and practice, so don't forget that.
Going back to your poem, I think that diction and imagery are perhaps the two main problems. Words like "impeccable" tell, but doesn't show, and poetry should be about showing.
In addition, try to avoid descriptive phrases such as "endless darkness" that lack both abstract power and concreteness. It is also rather cliche, so be careful of that.
Remember that poetry is not a summary; instead it should capture a very specific state of mind or event. The more details the better!
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