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"I thought it wasn't real" - Holocaust poem


paula cuartas 1 / -  
May 18, 2008   #1
I had to write a poem about an incident that has occurred in the devils arithmetic basycly about the holocaust had to be 3 stanzas ; one simile ; one metaphor ; & 5 sense highlited please tell me if this is goodd thank you so much .

I thought it wasn't real
But as soon as I closed my eyes
Everything seemed so real
No stopping once it begun
A story of a girl I didn't know

But it was still me Cheya
I could feel her hunger
For faith, courage, hope
If only if they would believe me
That they were digging there own graves

Knowing I couldn't help them was the worse
So I stopped and thought
Maybe if I blinked twice
It will all become reality
Thinking if I glanced it all remained the same

As I start seeing what I once heard of
From someone I can't mesmerize
A camp where men and women
Kids and the old showed there arms
And numbers etched in blue

Sufferings I heard they been through
That I would soon go through
To understand and appreciate
And get out of this nightmare
I know I had to go through
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
May 19, 2008   #2
Good morning!

You have a very powerful poem here; it is very descriptive and emotional. A lot of unexpressed fear comes through your stanzas.
I'm not really sure if the stanzas meet your instructor's requirements though; I believe you have captured the five senses adequately, but I do not see the simile or metaphor component that you specify is required.

A simile is comparing two things using "like" or "as", and a metaphor is symbolically replacing one item with another unlike item. So, you could use the simile in stanza 3; "Knowing I couldn't help them was worse/Like being a helpless bystander/So I stopped and thought...". Then you could use the metaphor in stanza 5; "Sufferings I heard they had been through/That I would soon go through/Understanding and appreciation a murky puddle about to become crystal/To get out of this nightmare...".

Or, you could rewrite and spend one entire stanza on the simile, and another entire stanza on the metaphor; whichever you find more appropriate.

Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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