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Sonnets: Love & Hate (Italian and English)


qomoco 24 / 107  
Nov 9, 2009   #1
Italian

Love & Hate

Shall I compare love to light, hate to dark?
Oui, for hatred could cloud peoples' small mind.
And love is the one to cause people blind.
Why can love and hate be so alike-hark!
Attitudes toward each are so unlike & dark.
Is it easy to understand peoples' mind?
Or is there a true way of truth to find?
But one thing is sure, each will leave a mark.
For love can be sweet until people lie.
Then death cause people to shed tears of flood.
Good God! Love is such a spell that binds.
But hate can be so sad, cause one to die.
It does not shed deep flood, but tears of blood.
Devil! Why can you cast the spell that binds!

English

Love & Hate

Perhaps both love and hate exists with time,
Presented at the beginning of dawn.
If you look for it, it's waste of time.
When it's the right time, you will be drawn.
Does not matter if it is hate or love.
Each is the essence of humanity.
Maybe it's true that love can be thought as dove,
For dove represents purity and beauty.
Then it is true hate can be thought as hell,
For it creates darkness and makes people blind.
If love & hate are alike, why does none tell?
Perhaps love & hate were never to be found.
But one thing is sure, that they will be framed,
As long as civilization is tamed.

By QMC

Please tell me what you think.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2009   #2
This is a great metaphor.. the first one, hatred and darkness abscure vision, but love blinds. Very smart...

Good God! Love is (such a?? something different?) spell that binds.

Perhaps both love and hate exist with time...

Awesome...
pheelyks - / 19  
Nov 20, 2009   #3
I don't mean to sound overly negative, so please don't take this to harshly, but you really need to think about what you are trying to say more than about the rhyme scheme. The rhymes in these poems make the language forced, and there is no real flow or progression of though in either poem. Figure out what you want to say, THEN figure out how to make it rhyme--don;t let the rhyme dictate the content.

On a purely technical level, sonnets must have regular meter (iambic pentameter, to be exact). The only thing that resembles a sonnet in either of these poems are the rhyme schemes. Instead of thinking of rhyme as the most important feature, think of it as one of the finishing touches--your poems need a transition point (called a volta; in an Italian sonnet and many English sonnets this traditionally appears in the ninth line) and a solid thought or through-line. English sonnets you usually have three stages of development (one for each quatrain or four-line section) and a conclusion (the last couplet). The rhyme follows this structure, rather than dictating it.
OP qomoco 24 / 107  
Nov 28, 2009   #4
thank you both, this was my first time writing sonnets for my English class. Spent about 10 hours lol...


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