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Reminiscence of Childhood: Help with my messy paragraphs?


alswn95 11 / 28  
May 1, 2010   #1
Reminiscence of Childhood

Glimpse of memory;
Pig-tailed girl with rosy cheeks,
In Isles of Scilly.

Smile beaming from sky,
Neptune telling me to play,
Dazzled girl follow.

Wind tickles, calling:
Dance with pebbles to my song!
I rally them up.

Lightened with delight,
Amused heart swirls around sea.
Waves echo. Shh. Shh.

Broken memories;
Dark veil of Torrey Canyon.
Beauty sunk beneath.

Unexpected dash.
One encounter swept away.
Tears roll down my cheeks.

Saturn stoic face.
Neptune's lament hung the isles.
Playful lure all gone.

"Reminiscence of Childhood" is my free verse poem written about one of the environmental issues we face today-oil spill. Torrey Canyon was the ship that caused the oil spill in Isles of Scilly, a pulchritudinous island located in the southwestern tip of the Cornish peninsula in Great Britain. This poem reflected on how our reckless actions toward the environment destroyed our aesthetic nature and brought tears to those who loved nature, in this case, the narrator. (this is the theme)

Some of the poetic ...

(after edits:)

Not that one.
My free verse poem entitled, "Reminiscence About Childhood" is an eye-opener to one of the most grave environmental threats humankind has to face today-oil spillage. It is pertinent to note here that Torrey Canyon was the name of the ship that caused the oil spill in Isles of Scilly, a pulchritudinous island located in the southwestern tip of the Cornish peninsula. This poem draws the reader's attention to the sad predicament caused by the reckless actions of men which threatened the environment and culminated in nullifying our aesthetic sense and bringing tears and fear to all those who loved nature, especially the speaker of the poem.

Some of the poetic devices I used are: personification, allusion, and onomatopoeia. In the first stanza, there was a flashback of one of the narrator's childhood memory which revealed the setting, Isles of Scilly. "Smile beaming from sky," (4) contains a personification because sky cannot smile, hence, illustrated the warm, bright weather. "Neptune telling me to play," (5) is a reference to Neptune, Roman's god of sea, to show the close relationship between the sea and the speaker. This is also a personification because sea cannot communicate.

The third stanza begins off with two personification, "Wind tickles, calling" because wind cannot tickle or call. This personification once again emphasized the bond between the speaker and nature because the narrator seems understand the nature. The forth stanza contains two personification, "Amused heart swirl around sea./Waves echo. Shh. Shh." These personification are used to reveal the happiness of the child and the calmness of Isles of Scilly before the oil spill. The last line has onomatopoeia to embellish the soothing sound of the waves.

The fifth stanza is the beginning of the swift in the poem. The first two lines using two poetic devices, personification and allusion, have revealed the difference between the past and the present. "Dark veil of Torrey Canyon./Beauty sunk beneath." The allusion to Torrey Canyon brings up how the oil spill "sunk" the beauty of the island. The Isles of Scilly is no longer a place of beauty because the sea contains lump of oil. Then the remaining stanza talks about how the oil spill also destroyed happiness in Isles of Scilly. This can be shown though two of my allusions, "Saturn stoic face./Neptune's lament hung the isles./Playful lure all gone," (19-21). Our careless mistake caused others to grieve, but most importantly, it wrecked the environment. Eventually, we will cause so much air pollution, that beautiful blue sky will no longer visible. We should try to seek wiser solutions to preserve the beauty of nature of future generation to enjoy.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 3, 2010   #2
Hmmmm... "Reminiscence of Childhood" would be reminiscence occurring during childhood. What about this? "Reminiscence about Childhood"

When writing bout literature, keep it in the present tense:
This poem reflects on how our reckless...

Excellent personification...

The fourth stanza contains...

The seventh stanza begins off with an...

wow, I am so impressed with the poem!! Should it be this? Dazzled girl follows.
:-)

I really like this poem a lot, how brilliant...
OP alswn95 11 / 28  
May 3, 2010   #3
Can you write me a good strong example?? I suck at writing conclusions. Thank you.
OP alswn95 11 / 28  
May 3, 2010   #4
Our careless mistake caused others to grief, but most importantly, it wrecked the nature. Eventually, we will cause so much air pollution, that beautiful, blue sky are no longer visible. If we do not want to destroy the beauty of nature we should change our actions.
OP alswn95 11 / 28  
May 4, 2010   #5
Again, the conclusion needs work. Plus my body paragraphs are messy and doesn't flow well. Can anyone please help me with this?


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