Thank you! Yes, I love your edits, Susan, and I completely agree, jjinko, it can definitely be improved; now, reading it again, I must've written it while in some foul mood five years ago...strange. Reading things you've written in your past can be really amusing. You should try it, haha.
I grew old, too, into a bitter thorn
and cried whether I neverhad asked to be born
She flew hard and high,
knowing her child's urgent needs
and that the dark evening was nigh.
Then, age took hershe aged with her attempted deeds,
butto only find her child flewflying away into the night,
out of her nest, out of her reach, out of her sight.
To hismy surprise, the beast cried--misunderstood
and when the tears finally dried, it stood,
shedding its hide; inside,to reveal the hidden sacrifices--a withered rose
Then, the child sang the melody of grief and years of sorrows
In the "original" version, there was another stanza that was quite dramatic but it helped wrap up the allusion to Beauty and the Beast (well, it was the only stanza that had most of the allusions) the only allusion remaining now is the withered rose although it's quite out of context, :-P
Again, thanks for the help :)