ah i like your comment saying that poets takes a lifetime to edit their poems.i dont finish editing my poems and i was thinking that somehing is not right about me.i have been reading SOME NOTES ON POETRY WRITNG TIPS,it say to have a nice piece write a single idea in 1 poem.
ihave been editing this since last week and i not sure if it is ok"
colours of love
traces of loneliness
painting sadness that fades
colures of love
longing for the smoot tuoch
of warm hands'
handsome you stayed far
faraway you are
yet close to my breath
drowning me in loneliness
and the desire rising
tinkling all the passion
I have
love so strong and patient
painting
colours of love
u wont believe that i edited it again while i was typing it
pls tell me how it is
I think your poem is beautiful and sad, and I can hardly think of anything to say because to me, every poem is like a painting that the artist has put his heart into. How could it not be beautiful?
If this were my poem, I might add a color or two, blue (sadness) red (passion), but I'd have to figure out a way to not take away any of the seriousness of the poem. Writing out actual colors might lighten the tone, or mood. Hmm...
There are some spelling mistakes, which I'll fix, and there's one word I would change. See if you notice a different feeling when you get to that part. Here it is;
traces of loneliness
painting sadness that fades
colors of love
longing for the smooth touch
of warm hands'
handsome you stayed far
far away you are yet
close as my breath
drowning me in loneliness
and the desire rising
tinkling all the passion
I have
love so strong and patient
painting
colors of love
So I changed it to, ' far away you are, yet
close AS my breath'
giving it a sad ghostly feel, breath being invisible yet always able to be felt. Right there in your face, you are unable to escape it. Like the sad lonely feeling...Oh, I almost forgot! You must change the word 'tinkling' to something else, um, look up the word 'tinkle'. : )
Your poem is great, I hope you write a lot.
