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Five senses - poem


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Apr 27, 2007, 04:41pm   #1
I have to wite a five senses poem(the poet explores his/her emotions as they relate to:sight, smell, taste, sound,and feelings)
This is my Poem:
Love is blind
It sounds like the thunder before the storm
It feels like the earth after the first rain
It smells like red roses
It tastes like saccharine strawberries
It lives everywhere

Can you please tell me if it makes sense? and edit it for me please, and say what can i add to it(i think the ending has to change)

Apr 27, 2007, 05:34pm   #2
can you also please edit this poem for me..this is a five line poem in a constructivist manner...my teacher gave me this example:
Mother (first line write an noun of your choice)
Caring and annoying (2 adjectives joined by and to describe the noun)
Worrying continuously (Write a verb and adverb to describe this noun in action)
Like a bird that is afraid (start 4th line with like or as followed by a comparison)
If only I were a psychiatrist! (Start final line with if only followed by a wish)

And this is what i have wrote

Roses
Innocent and gorgeous
Blooming beautifully
Like an expression of love
If only they would live forever

can you please edit mine..and say if it make senses please...
thank you soo much
Greetings!

Love is blind - I like this opening line :-)

It sounds like the thunder before the storm - Is it mandatory to "say" the senses (sounds, feels, etc.)? If not, you might want to use metaphor instead of simile. For instance, instead of "It sounds like the thunder..." you could say, "Rumbling thunder before the storm"

It feels like the earth after the first rain - perhaps "fresh like the earth after morning rain"?

It smells like red roses - I find the "red" a bit distracting, because it makes me think, "do they smell different from yellow roses? white roses? how can it smell like RED roses?"

It tastes like saccharine strawberries - "saccharine" has a somewhat negative connotation these days, denoting something which is too sweet; perhaps the "tart sweetness of strawberries"?

It lives everywhere - I agree, this doesn't seem to fit; perhaps you could refer back to the first line: "Love is blind, but sees into the heart" or something like that.

Your Roses poem does make sense! :-) You might want to add a bit of contrast to it though; too much sweetness can be bland. See what you think of this:

Roses
Beautiful and treacherous
Blooming innocently
Like love that pierces the heart
If only neither had thorns

This is a very different poem in tone from the one you wrote, and you may not like it, but I present to you as an example of contrast; you may do with it as you wish. ;-))

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Apr 28, 2007, 10:55am   #4
For the first poem:
Love is blind
Rumbling thunder before the storm
Fresh like the earth after morning rain
Smell like beautiful flowers
Tastes like tart sweetness of strawberries
Love is blind, but sees into the heart

Can i write the poem like this...does it make senses?...please help me out
thank you soo much
Apr 28, 2007, 11:14am   #5
I also have to do a free worse poem .....i have writed two can you tell me which one makes sense more..and also edit it for please


1.From the first time I have meet you
Every sight has changed in my life
Even when I walk on hard rock bricks
It feel like soft smooth sheets of flowers
In darkness, I see light
In day, I see night
There is some intoxication in your eyes
That has made me crazy
Look above at the blue blue sky
New colors are adding by
Is this love that has captured me
A strange ecstasy




2.From the first time I have meet you
Every sight has changed in my life
There is some intoxication in your eyes
That has made me crazy
I have searched for you everywhere
Above and under the sky
That maybe on some river
Yes, walking on waves
Droplets of water touch
Just like your hands
Is this love that has captured me
A strange ecstasy

Can you please help me write a better poem then this one with some good big words in it
thank you
Apr 28, 2007, 11:27am   #6
I have to write a haiku poem(A japanese lyric verse form having three unthymed lines of five,seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the season)
My teacher gave me this example:
Clouds sit still above(5 syllables)
Mountains stir a placid sea(7 syllables)
Nature's beauty glows(5 syllables)

I dont no what to write i want to write something about nature can you help

I also have to write a limerick poem(which has to 5 lines with the 1st, 2nd, and 5th line rhyming, and 3rd and 4th lines rhyming together) My teacher gave us this babyish example he told us to something much better then this but my mind is black...help me please....my teachers example:

There once was a young girl named jill
Who was scared by the sight of a drill
She brushed everyday
So her dentist would say,
Your teeth are so perfect; no bill today

Thank you
Greetings!

I'd be glad to help! Let's take your questions one at a time. The first poem is very good! The only suggestion I would make is perhaps to say "The scent of beautiful flowers" [or you could use other adjectives like "blooming flowers" or "spring flowers" or whatever]; scent has a more positive connotation than smell.

For the next one, I like both of them; I think you could take parts from each and make it even better, perhaps like this:

From the first time I met you [it's not grammatically correct to say "have meet"]
Every sight has changed in my life
Even as I walk on hard bricks
They feel like soft smooth sheets of linen
Under my feet
In darkness, I see light
In day, I see night
There is intoxication in your eyes
That makes me crazy
I have searched for you everywhere
Above and under the sky
On river waves
Droplets of water touch
Just like your hands
Is this love that has captured me
A strange ecstasy delights

If that makes it too long, you could take out the river waves part.

I like writing haikus about nature. The thing is to just sit still first and picture what you want to say, without words. My favorite part of nature is sunsets, so I would write something like this:

The sun says good-bye
Setting fire to the lake
As my dreams awake
(I counted "fire" as having two syllables).

I think limericks are lots of fun! It's important to get the rhythm going in your head. Play around with it on paper (or monitor screen) for a while and see what you come up with. It helps if your last line is rather amusing. Here's one I came up with:

There once was a farmer named Weiser
Who horded his cash like a miser
His goat found the stash
And chowed down on the cash
Now his money's become fertilizer

Probably the more limericks you read, the easier it will become to come up with your own ideas. Good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Apr 29, 2007, 01:01am   #8
Thank you soo much...I thought i was going to get a really bad mark in poetry but for you i think infact i no i will get a good mark...THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR HELPING ME!!!!!

Can you help me write more poems
i need to write a cinquain poem:
Cinquain: 5 line Poetry
Syllabic verse form. Gradually increasing number of syllables in each line until the last line, which returns to two syllables.
Form for younger students:
Line 1: 2 syllables One word giving the title. (noun)
Line 2: 4 syllables Two words that describe the title. (adjectives)
Line 3: 6 syllables Three words that express action. ( Verbs)
Line 4: 8 syllables Four words that express feeling.
Line 5: 2 syllables One word that gives the title a different name. (synonym)

a Quatrain:
The Quatrain
A Quatrain is a poem consisting of four lines of verse with a specific rhyming scheme. It is a very popular form of poetry. Famous poets like William Blake and T. S. Eliot used quatrains.
A few examples of a quatrain rhyming scheme's are as follows:
Abab
abba -envelope rhyme
aabb
aaba, bbcb, ccdc, dddd - chain rhyme
My teachers example:
I love the mountains in the fall,
as the leaves begin to turn.
Like decorations for the ball,
it makes my heart just yearn.

a concrete poem
Concrete Poetry
Words and phrases are arranged on paper to capture and extend the meaning. Each line should be a complete unit of thought.

and a caustic poem

Can you please write me these poems..i am really bad poetry person that can only write free verse poems.....Please help me

Thank you so much
Can I please use your first two poems:
The sun says good-bye
Setting fire to the lake
As my dreams awake
And:
There once was a farmer named Weiser
Who horded his cash like a miser
His goat found the stash
And chowed down on the cash
Now his money's become fertilizer

I will wait for your reply!
Greetings!

I am not as familiar with cinquains and quatrains; I have heard of them, but never tried to write any. So, we'll learn together! My thinking is, it's easiest to describe something you're very familiar with. Imagine that you're describing the subject as if you were there, and the memories will help you find the words:

Summer
Humid, blazing
Sailing, swimming, sunning, burning
Joyful, goofy, giggly, silly
Freedom

You could try something similar to that with winter, spring or fall, too!

Sometimes a poem starts out one direction, and by the time you write the last line, you find it has ended up somewhere else entirely! That's what happened when I wrote this quatrain (in aabb form):

The lake at sunset burns like fire
Inflaming love's intense desire
My dreams of you began this way
But passion faded like the day

Not a happy ending, after all! :=)

I can't write all your poems for you, but if you have trouble with rhyming, I would suggest a rhyming dictionary--it can be very helpful! You might even find one online. When I write poems or songs, I usually just make a list of the words I'm trying to rhyme, starting with A and going through the entire alphabet, writing down every word I can think of that rhymes. You might want to try that, too!

Remember--the best way to write anything is just to start writing! Don't second-guess yourself or edit yourself until you've got something written; then go back and work on it until you like it. And don't judge your writing too harshly! It's all about learning as you go!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Can you also please help me write a concrete poem(Words and phrases are arranged on paper to capture and extend the meaning. Each line should be a complete unit of thought.)
...PLEASE...... i no i will have to draw the picture but i really need someone to help get the thoughts down....please please please help me
thank you
Greetings!

The great thing about nature is that it is balanced, so it's easy to come up with opposites. Here are some examples: night/day; dark/light; winter/summer; spring/fall; birth/death; hot/cold; rain/drought; sun/clouds (maybe not exact opposites, but close).

You asked about using my poems. I wrote them to help you, so I wouldn't mind, except you need to remember that this is a public forum which anyone can access, so you don't want to be accused of not doing your own assignments! It would be best to make some changes so that it's your own (substitute synonyms, for example--which would also be a good learning exercise for you!).

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Greetings!

I'm afraid I don't know anything about writing concrete poems; I've never heard of them. However, if it involves making the poem look a certain way on the paper, I doubt there would be any way I could demonstrate it here, anyway. There is less flexibility with formatting here than there would be using a typical word processing program.

All I can do is give you a suggestion: try writing a poem about how your mind goes blank when you try to write a poem! You could use a lot of white space on the paper to symbolize the emptiness of ideas...just a thought!

Good luck!

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Greetings!

Well, I can't write them for you, but I'd be happy to critique them when you have a rough draft. It would help me to help you if you could post the definitions of both contrast poem and rhyming couplet. I have heard of the latter, but don't really know the structure of it; contrast poem is a new term to me (I assume it involves contrasting things, but more specific instruction would be good). If you have examples of either, as you did with some of the other types, that would be helpful, too.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
A couplet [CUP-let] is the simplest form of poetry. Do you see the word "couple" in couplet? A couple is two of something. A couplet is a poem made of two lines of rhyming poetry that usually have the same meter. There are no rules about length or rhythm. Two words that rhyme can be called a couplet. Do you know what the pioneers ate when they got desperate?
Ex. My friend has eyes like mud.
He always chews his cud.

Contrast Poem does show contrasting in it...PlEASE PLEASE OKEASE PLEASE can you write them for me! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Greetings!

I'm sorry, but we're here to help students with their assignments, not to do the assignments for them! However much you do implore, I'll send you back to write some more! Couplets are easy, and fun! Try it, you can have fun with it.;-))

As I said, I'd be happy to give you my thoughts on them, once you've got them written.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
I have written a couplet:
May my life's breath find refuge in your heart
Destroyed in your love may my life depart.
Can you please help me make this bigger and edit it please
i seriouly need help writting a contrast poem now please please please please help me on this one!!!!!!!!!
I also have to write a acrostic poem .....I choosed spring as my word and this what i got sooo far...
Scenic Beaches
pretty flowers are blooming
Rainbows appear
I
New Fun Activities
Good Times I have
I dont no what to write for I...can you help me out their and also can you please edit my work please
I have written a half couplet i need help finishing it off.... Can you please help:My poem
There is no limite to human desire

I dont no what to write next.........Can you please edit and help me out
thanks
Greetings!

When you put your mind to it, you write very good poems! You don't need anyone to write them for you; yours are just fine! I really like this one:

May my life's breath find refuge in your heart
Destroyed in your love may my life depart. - Now think about where it should logically go next. It sounds like a failed romance; you could use "fears" and "tears"; "lies" and "cries"; "forever" and "never"-- I know you can finish it! :-)

There is no limit [no "e"] to human desire - think about what rhymes with desire...
acquire
briar
choir
dire
fire (that's a good one)
hire
liar
mire
pyre (as in funeral)
sire
shire
tire (or retire)
wire...
and I bet you could come up with more! See if some of those help you finish. :-)

For your acrostic, there's lots you could do with "I": "I dance with joy"; "Ice cream melting"; "Indoors no more!"

Keep working, you're doing an excellent job!

Sarah, EssayForum.com
I can do all but can you please write me something that rhymes with this:
There is no limit to human desire
I JUST CANT THINK OF ANYTHING

the first when i wrote this poem i wrote it like this
There is no limit to human desire
After two yards of burial cloth
We still want two yards of earth

But this is not a couplet and i need to make the first rhyme with the second. thank you
I think i also need to fix my acrostic poem cause my teacher said to put like big words
Can you please help me do that on Spring or something like love, nature
Thank you
Greetings!

All right, because I can see you are trying, I'll give you some more help. ;-))

There is no limit to human desire
Its burning sets the heart on fire
But if ignited by a flash
The flames soon turn to soot and ash.

See, the trick is to do your list of rhyming words and then pick out ones which logically go together. To me, desire and fire is so obvious it's almost a cliché.

Softly, rain dances on leaves
Pattering quietly, dancing lightly
Rapidly flowing
Into the new day
Nudging buds from their hiding places
Growing life out of brown earth

And the trick for the acrostic (and really, any kind of poem) is to think of it like a picture. Imagine yourself there (in a Spring-like setting, for example), and ask "what would I be hearing? seeing? feeling?" For instance, right now I'm sitting by an open window and rain is softly pattering down onto the leaves...it wasn't hard to come up with the words! You just need to get yourself into the right frame of mind!

Now then--your turn! The next one's all yours! :-))

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR HELPING YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HAVE MADE MY LIFE EASIER....THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU


For my concrete poem I wrote my poem like in a broken heart shape.....My poem is this:
This is in pain
Because there is nothing to gain
There's nothing remaining in my world
Except for your name
Nothing more
Nothing Less
How much patience of mine
You want to test?

Can you please edit it for me
thank you VERY MUCH
Greetings!

You're welcome, welcome, welcome!! :-))

Is the concrete poem supposed to rhyme in any particular pattern? I ask because your rhyming scheme seems a little inconsistent. Here's what I'd suggest (assuming it does need to rhyme and not in a specific pattern):

This heart is in pain
There is nothing left to gain
Nothing remaining in my world
Except for your name
Nothing more
Nothing Less
How much patience of mine
Must you test?

Good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thank you for editing
i need some words that end in ing describing hate... i founded some but i need some more...Can you please help me out.......
Thank you soo much.....i have done half of my poem but i need more words describing hate ending in ing to finish it ,, After i finish can you please edit that poem for me?
thank you
This is what i got soo far for a diamante poem
Love
Devotion, adoration
admiring, desiring, relishing
valuing, sacrificing, scorning,(need another word ending in ing for hate)
Loathing, despising, burning
detestation,(Need another word word not ending in ing)
Hate

Can you please edit this poem for me..............And try to the 2 words that i got stuck on, thank you
Greetings!

Here are some ideas: revulsing, revolting, abhorring

After detestation, perhaps execration? abominate?

Your middle line makes an abrupt change from positive (valuing) to negative (scorning); was that the idea--to switch suddenly? Or should there be more of a transition?

If you're not using an online thesaurus, I'd highly recommend it! I find it very useful when I can't think of the right word.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Thank you for the words they helped alot.......................I also have to write a contrast poem(a poem with 2 parts. Each part shows a different side of the subject you are writting about)
My teacher example is this:
Shades of blue outside my window, early morning stillness.
Rain drops singing melodies as they glance off the window pane.
Another example he gave:
A child is a howling, pinching, nose-picking BLESSING Trusting, loving, Forgiving

This is what i wrote as my contrast poem:
My breath was incomplete
My heart beat was incomplete
Incomplete was I
But now the moon is full
Complete in the sky
And now with you
Complete am I

I have wrote this but i am wondering is a contrast poem.....Can you please edit it and tell me if this is a contrast poem

Can you also help me on: I also have to create a title page for this poems i was wondering what can my title be for all my poem collections like my teachers example was"Poetry tree"
thanks
Greetings!

I like the poem you have written! As far as I can tell, it is, indeed, a contrast poem. I have a suggestion, though. I think you use "incomplete" too many times. If you can find a different way to say the same thing in the first two lines, I think it will be better. For example:

My breath was shallow
My heart beat faint [or slow, or timid, or muted-- you could put lots of things here]
Incomplete was I
But now the moon is full
Complete in the sky
And now with you
Complete am I

Titles are fun. A lot of your poetry mentions roses or flowers, right? What about something like "A Garden of Poetry" or "Poem Rose Garden"? Robert Louis Stevenson has already taken "A Child's Garden of Verse" but yours could be a sort of allusion to that, without crossing the line of plagiarism.

You've done very well!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
I have to choose a theme such as Love, friendship, sports, peace, war etc. And then i have to write a 4 verse poem the that directly relates to the theme. My theme is love this is what i have created can you please edit it and and tell me if it make sense and if it is actually an poem:
The one who my heart
Took for my own
Is blissfully ignorant
The earth and the skies
However, know the truth

We did meet each others eyes
But modesty stood between us
I couldn't express in words
The feeling of my heart
There's now this excitement
Every moment
I must look for him
To him, I must
Pour out my heart
But where is he

The night seems to have blossomed
In the company of the moon
I'm away from him
Although I have met him
Yes, I have seen him
Why there's a twinkle
In my eyes
And a flutter in my heart
If only love would
Awaken in his heart
And bring him here


His the one my heart has
Accepted as my own
There he is blissfully ignorant
However the earth and the sky
Know the truth

I think the poem needs to be a bit smaller and needs some rhyming in it.....Can you please try to do that....Thanks
After i write the four verse poem i need to turn it into a song...Thats why i really need help in rhyming.....I also need to ask you does this poem relate to my theme love? Thanks
Greetings!

Yes, I'd say your poem definitely relates to the theme of love very well! If it didn't have to become a song, it wouldn't necessarily need to rhyme. Because songs almost always have some sort of rhyming scheme, your poem probably should, too.

You already have some instances of rhyming; all you need to do is throw in a few more at regular intervals. I've done a little work on it, though I'm not sure I've improved it any; I liked it your way! See what you can do to finish! :=))

The one who my heart
Took for my own
Is blissfully unaware
The earth and the skies
However, know the truth
I can't tell him, I don't dare.

We did meet each others eyes
But modesty stood between us
I couldn't express in words
The feeling of my heart,
And this excited rush

The night seems to have blossomed
In the company of the moon
Every moment I must look for him
I've got to find him soon

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com



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