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I'm from Vietnam,I graduated Banking University HCMC for 1 year ago;Dien-introduce myself


nhdien10 1 / 1  
Dec 4, 2013   #1
hello, my name is Dien. Nice to meet you. I'm from Vietnam, i graduated Banking University HCMC for 1 year ago, My major is bachelor of business administration, I'm working for consultant strategy company in HCMC. My favorite is play badminton, walking, learning many language. I have been in Laos. My family is working in Laos.

My strength is seft-study, seft-educated, hard-working, truthful. One example about it is I can study continuously 3 hours. My truthful which i have that i am inherited from tradition of my family.

My role in that company is strategy analyst (specific industry market, to use SWOT analysis, scanning tool, Pestle analysis, to monitor operating company, to reseach chain value of industrys); to post writting on my company website; to assistant my boss as secretary.

Could you correct for me? thanks
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 4, 2013   #2
What is this writing about? Are you preparing for IELTS or TOEFL? Or is an answer for one of your admission prompts? Make sure you include the prompt and the purpose of writing with your essay so that others get a better idea as to what it means and requires you to answer.
OP nhdien10 1 / 1  
Dec 5, 2013   #3
Thanks Dumi. I am beginner. I'm not sure that my post is correct grammar. I hope someone could correct and offer a suggestion.
Thanks nice to meet you
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 10, 2013   #4
Thanks Dumi. I am beginner. I'm not sure that my post is correct grammar. I hope someone could correct and offer a suggestion.
Thanks nice to meet you

Nice to meet you too Dien :)

I graduated in Banking from the University HCMC in the last year. My major was Business Administration and currently I am working as (tell your designation) for a Consultant Strategy company in HCMS. My hobbies are playing badminton, walking, learning other languages.

I have been in Laos. My family is working in Laos.

... This is not clear to me. If you lived in Laos, you should have mentioned that soon after you said that you are Vietnamese. These sentence seem to be disturbing the flow :(
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 10, 2013   #5
My strengths are that I am self-motivated, hard working and truthful. My hardworking has helped me achieve my goals successfully and my truthfulness, I inherit from my family traditions.

Your role in the company should have been said in this section (as dumi mentions in her comment)

I'm working for consultant strategy company in HCMC.


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