I've been working on my piece for hours now and I really need help with grammar and correct punctuation. It's a motivational essay and I really want to make it powerful and flow well. No contractions.
Instructions: Peace Corps service presents major physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges. In the space below, please provide a few paragraphs explaining your reasons for wanting to serve as a Peace Corps Volunteer and how you plan to overcome the various challenges associated with Peace Corps service. This essay is the writing sample Peace Corps uses to assess your professionalism and maturity as a candidate. Please spend time editing your essay/writing sample (less than 500 words).
I know that the Peace Corps service has a great deal of physical, emotional, and intellectual challenges but it's worth it. I know that it won't be easy and it takes a special type of person who is willing to take some of that abuse. I have been through times where I endured challenges that tested myself to my fullest. I was backcountry camping in the Upper Peninsular of Michigan with my two friends. We were hiking and we all crossed this high current river on a log. The log broke and next thing we know, we are panicking for our lives, I go on to grab my friend's wrist, and my other friend's wrist and I tell them not to fight the current and swim diagonally. We finally got to the other side of the river and our bags were soaked, our GPS was damaged, phones were damaged, everything ruined and the tent was long gone. My friends then started panicking about being stuck in the wild without half our equipment and began to loose hope.
This was the moment where I became a leader and motivated them to be optimistic and to not give up. So time went by, we found camp, fell asleep, and to make everything better a friend decided to wake us up, it was Smokey the bear. Apparently he smelled our beef jerky. So it is six in the morning and my friends are freaking out again, I told them to throw the jerky as far as you can and they did. The bear really did not care and came closer to us and I reached over slowly to my pack, grabbed my bear spray and the rest was history. Story goes that we eventually winded up near a road and a gentleman in a passing vehicle aided us.
But this is a situation where even though I was in fear of being lost and in danger I still pushed my self physically, emotionally, and psychologically and I motivated those around me. I have faced the many bumps in the road to get this far in my life but it's my positive attitude that creates constructive positive energy. The mission the Peace Corp stands by is what is going to motivate me through the challenges that I will face during my service. I'm a very energetic, easily motivated, and a charismatic person that believes in high integrity and compassion. I'm so motivated that at this moment it's 4:40AM and I've spent hours writing this piece and I won't sleep until I finish it.
Hi, ameenphillips. I think you need to start your essay with an explanation of why you want to join the Peace Corps, then address how you are prepared to handle the inevitable challenges you will face once a member. Here are my suggested changes:
I believe that I have a calling to serve in the Peace Corp. I am committed to educating others about how how to prevent disease and foster good health, and feel that the Peace Corp will be an ideal place for me to do so.
I know that I will face many challenges while serving in the Peace Corps, but my experiences during a memorable camping trip prove to me that I will be able to handle them. When the log my friends and I were using to cross a rapidly moving river successfully broke, I kept calm and helped rescue my friends from drowning. Much of our camping equipment was lost or ruined in the river, but I took charge and remained optimistic, comforting my panicking friends. The next morning, we were awakened by a hungry bear who smelled our beef jerky. Though afraid, I thought fast and threw the jerky as far away from us as possible, hoping the bear would run after it. When that did not work, I persevered, this time quickly retrieving my bear spray and aiming it at the bear. The rest, as they say, is history.
I've heard it said that courage is doing what needs to be done in spite of fear. I now know that I can be courageous, and am confident that I will handle adversity well. I believe that my attitude and integrity make me a great leader, and am motivated enough to carry out the mission of the Peace Corp despite its challenges.
I hope that has helped you! Best of luck!
