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I need HUMOR; roommate letter / 'No curfew!' / CIA mission - Stanford Essay


krobledo226 3 / 7  
Aug 5, 2015   #1
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (250 word limit) PLEASE HELP I DO NOT KNOW WHICH ONE IS BETTER :(

(Option 1)

Please note the next time you will be banned for posting useless answers in other students' threads.

Dear Roommate,
Organization, respect, and honesty are three words that truly describe me. I like to maintain my space organized because it was the way I was raised and have learned the hard way that it is easier to find your stuff that way, In addition, I am respectful so you would never have to worry about me calling you something you do not like, not finding your stuff, or not asking you for permission to invite a friend over for while to study. However, the most important thing about me is my honesty, I just do not want us to be roommates but friends, knowing that you can trust me with any information or problems that you are facing; knowing that I will be there to help.

I have not had an easy life, I know how it feels when someone insults you or talks about subjects that make you want to cry so I will never do those things to you.

I know there are gonna be days where I do not sleep and it is okay because I know it is for my education. The most exciting thing about this is that college is a journey, so I sort of do not know what to expect, since no one in my family has ever been close to going to college; yet, I know this is a place where I will find out who I really am and discover things that I have not yet discovered in me.

(Option 2)
No curfew!

I know there are going to be nights where we do not sleep because we are working on projects or simply studying for three quizzes for the next day. I do not mind you sleeping in late or early just be in the dorm so I know you are there. I know college can be stressful and sleeping time will become precious! So if you oversleep I will wake you up.

With that out of the way, I guess I should tell you about myself. I am very organized I have a folder for everything and a place for everything, I can see my volleyball in the closet, my outfit for the next day on the hanger, and all my Harry Potter collection in a bookshelf.

As an individual I am a very positive person and enthusiastic which gets really contagious when I am around.

I love to speak in Spanish, English, Italian, and Sarcasm it really comes in handy, I tell you with me around you will never stop laughing.

I express myself through music so I literally have a song for every occasion.

I will be studying economics, so if you need help in how to handle your budget just come to me I will be glad to assist you. I really look forward to college, because I know here is where I will find out who I really am and things beyond my imagination.

I really look forward to our four years!

Sincerely, Kimberly Robledo

Option 3

CIA AGENT: Kimberly Robledo alias "kimbutlie"
MISSION: Get your roommate and Stanford admissions to like you without knowing you personally. Must do an inception.
IDEA: Kimberly is the nicest girl you would ever meet, she is dedicated and way to organize for her own good but even then she cannot sometimes find her stuff. Loves to share her stuff but if she cannot find her Ken Wong Foundation, she will have to find a new one (sad face). Most dedicated student ever meet has been able to overcome hatred and bullying by believing in herself. Excellent candidate for for Stanford University, has dream about applying to this school since third grade.

EXTRA INFORMATION: Expert in knowing how to study for a test; yet, has test trauma, the ability to be frighten of tests. Loves to do makeup, has done hair and makeup for many promos, weddings, and quinceaneras. Can be found in Stanford's nearest chinese food place, she loves chinese food. Occasionally can be found in McDonald's but only for the free wiffy.

ARMORY: Lead, always carries lead for pencils. Post-its to write observations and data about what she is reading. And the worst of all a BOOK, because education is the world's biggest weapon.

MISSION STATUS: Waiting for Stanford's Admission approval and re-evolutionize Stanford with her amazing business and computer skills.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 6, 2015   #2
However, the most important thing about me is my honesty, I just do not want us to be roommates but friends, knowing that

This is a run-on sentence. It's better to break it into 2 sentences..

The 3rd one is great!!! I encourage you to use that one. Now, is it possible to include a bit more about the GOAL that makes you want to attend this school? You should be so driven that your goal, the thing you are most passionate about, is reflected in all your essays for admission.

Excellent candidate for for Stanford University, has dream dreamed about applying to this school since third grade. --- I think the sentences should be proper and complete. I understand you are making them incomplete so they sound like a CIA briefing, but you can still get that effect while using complete sentences: An excellent candidate for for Stanford University, she has dreamed about applying to this school since third grade.

She is an expert in knowing how to study skills and test preparation strategies; yet, she suffers from test trauma, the ability to be frighten of tests.

Lol great job. : )
OP krobledo226 3 / 7  
Aug 7, 2015   #3
Thank you at @EF_Kevin, I was not to sure about suing the last one but thanks :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 30, 2015   #4
@krobledo, I'd like to work on option 2, I hope it helps.

Option 2)
No curfew!

- I do notdon't ( you can merge this two words as..
- ...they will sound better that way)
mind you sleeping in late...
- ..or early just be in the dorm so I know you are therehere .

- ...my outfit for the next day onin the hanger,...

Well, there's not much to work on as you have written avery good and humorous essay, very entertaining, detailed and very much elaborated.
I understand guidelines should be followed but more so is respect to each others, giving space when they need it and of course laugh your heart out.

Make friends and create memories, that's one of the best things I did in college and I know you will do to.
Cheers to college...Cheers to life!!!!
OP krobledo226 3 / 7  
Aug 30, 2015   #5
so which one would you recommend? @justivy03


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