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'I hold a Bachelor degree in Biochemisry' Motivation Letter pursuing master's degree


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Dear all,

My name is Bianca and I'm looking for any help to check my motivation letter. I would like to pursue master degree in Germany, and since this is my first time to write a motivation letter, I do hope anyone can give me an advice or critics of it.

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I'm interested in applying for a Master's Degree in Uni. starting in winter semester 2012. I graduated in 2010, from Bogor Agricultural University, Indonesia and hold a Bachelor degree in Biochemistry. I chose to focus on metabolism in human body system and cell biology because I have many curiosities to study this field. While studying cell biology, I feel very interesting to observe biological cells. However, as a part of my degree course I also studied various subjects relating to ---- which includes -----

In my third year of bachelor's degree, I did an internship in ABC Indonesia, one of the pharmaceutical company in Indonesia. I got an opportunity to learn deeply about the usage of PCR (Polymerase Chain Reaction) by doing a DNA Amplification of Human -Globin. I also did an identification of various components of PCR. These experiences have been very rewarding and educational. I have learned to deal with several challenges and have deepened my knowledge on the discipline that I've studied.
During my third and fourth year of bachelor's degree, I became a Lecture Assistant of Function Structure and Sub cellular subject. Here I spent a lot of time stayed in Laboratory and been involved in several researches. I helped my lecture to manage laboratory practices for students in lower grade. I felt grateful to be a part of Lecture Assistant, because it made me become accustomed to working in the laboratory.

My deeply curiosity for exploring new treatment or medicine in the field of metabolism and biochemistry encouraged me to venture into research. In the final year of my biochemistry studies I undertook a project entitled "The Effect of Quercetin and Genicitine to Allergic and Immunoglobulin E Level on Guinea Pigs Which Induced by Egg White". My part in this project research was to observe the allergy reaction in guinea pigs which induced by white egg. Our objective was to improve the traditional treatment and medicine of Quercetin and Genicitine, which was accomplished although still needs more researches to prove any other parameters.

During my research I was introduced to the subject of allergy, immunoglobulin assay, anafilaksis cutaneous pasif and few methodologies to induced egg white into guinea pigs. The first session in the research was devoted to adapting guinea pigs as laboratory animals. An induction of egg white into guinea pigs fascinated me. The allergy reaction is shown from the escalation of immunoglobulin E level in marmot's blood. Under the direction of my adviser, I was introduced to the assay of immune techniques to measure the concentration of IgE and with his guidance I was able to top in this subject in the college.

This project has given me a great exposure in the field of medicine and biomedical. These experiences were invaluable for me since I learned the clinical biochemistry of various applications. The experimental of allergy subject challenged me to find more aspects related to biomedical research and medical biotechnology.
As an indication of my seriousness in this field, I also took several training related to laboratory experimental techniques during my study of bachelor's degree. Today I work as a product specialist and handle the production of many extracts. However, I feel incomplete and as I embark upon a new stage of my life, I believe that a postgraduate study will provide a milestone in my career along with invaluable experiences that will allow me to become a successful, innovative professional and assist in accomplishing my goals.

My decision to pursue graduate studies in Germany is motivated by the quality of biomedical researches and many medical experimental that develop well in Europe. Considering the fact that Indonesia has potential to develop more medical research of traditional herbs and science will continue to evolve, I believe that my study in this field will be reasonably important. Cell biology and biomedical research provide an information of many biological process of organisms. Thus it will always be used in the future.

I would therefore, feel confident to pursue my master degree in your prestigious university and I am sure that I will match and be able to maintain high standards at your university.

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Is it too long? One of my friend has reviewed this, but I still feel less confident.
Your critics and advice will be highly appreciate.
Thank you.
Dear Bianca, it's nice to know you, btw, I am Indonesian too.

I would say that you have drawn it well, nonetheless, concerning the first paragraph, I would suggest that if you can elucidate the reasons why taking that course/subject not just to meet your curiosity, such as it will equip you with some critical knowledge or skills that will help you in your future career and in assisting your community.

Good luck ya
Apid
Hello apid, nice to know you too.
Thank you for your advice, I actually felt already that my first paragraph is still too ambiguous and has not explained enough.
so here I've revised a little bit of it. Is it better or still not enough?

I'm interested in applying for a Master's Degree in Uni. starting in winter semester 2012 --------. I chose to focus on metabolism in human body system and cell biology because this field formed the basis of my perseverance towards achieving a deep knowledge in the field of biomedical and biology molecular. It has given me a skill to my future career as a professional researcher in an organization. While studying cell biology, I feel very interesting to observe biological cells. However, as a part of my degree course I also studied various subjects relating to ---- which includes -----

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@ Stella:
Hello stella, thank you very much for your critics.
Anyway, could you please advise me more about what do you mean with "use contraction in academic writing"?
Did I use contraction in my motivation letter? and which part?



Thank you & regards,
Bianca
hallo Bianca,

it's sound good. another issue that you have to pay close attention is what well known as "coherence", it mean that between one paragraph to the other or between one idea to the other, they should be developed/written smoothly, logically and clearly in your case's, extracted from yours: "I chose to focus on metabolism in human body system and cell biology because first of all, this field formed the basis of my perseverance towards achieving a deep knowledge in the field of biomedical and biology molecular. secondly, it will provide me a skill to my future career as a professional researcher in an organization. thirdly, the course also enable me to sharpen my..... and other related subject that will broaden my view on looking .................. another point is that you have to be more specific on chosen subject.

Once again
Good luck



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