Any thoughts on how to improve this coverletter? Please note, this is just the body.
I wish that I had a concrete reason as to why I want to attend Ohio State University. Sure, it fits the criteria; the school offers my area of study, has a terrific reputation, and is in a great location. However, those reasons aren't what have drawn me to OSU. Last year, while visiting family friends in Columbus, OH, my mother received a call. A friend of hers, whose daughter was attending OSU, needed a ride back to Erie, PA. Since we were there, she asked if we could help.
When we arrived on campus my interest was piqued immediately. I remember everything about that day. I was fortunate enough to speak with several students and a couple of and faculty members. I had already visited a few potential colleges but hadn't been overly impressed with any. Leaving the campus that day, I knew this is where I wanted go. It was the feel I got; it felt...right.
I went home that night and researched the school I knew I wanted to attend, hoping my instinct hadn't failed me. It did not. OSU offers, not only, my major area of study, but there are so many additional courses that interest me. The school also offers the diversity I crave. I read on OSU's website, "...Within this environment, we will come to value the differences in one another along with the similarities, and to appreciate that the human condition is best served through understanding, acceptance, and mutual respect..." I've talked to many students at the school. Those are not just words; OSU practices what it preaches. My hope is to someday work in the field of Intelligence. However, I don't simply want a piece of paper with a degree. I want the whole well-rounded package which I know Ohio State University offers.
I also feel strongly that, not only is OSU right for me, but that I am right for OSU. I am hard working, dedicated and motivated. I have taken mostly Honors and Advanced Placement classes during high school. I play baseball and work 20 hours a week at a local grocery store. Family, friends and community are important to me. I am confident I will make the school proud.
I would greatly appreciate the opportunity to discuss my application for admission. I look forward to speaking with you soon.
I like your cover letter overall but I felt that towards the end its started to rush. The beginning and the middle were organized and well thought through but towards the end, it sounded awkward.
I would definitely look at the conclusion and make it sound as though you are not telling them that you are a good student but showing that you are well-rounded.
