Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Letters   % width Posts: 2


'boy in Radiology room' - Motivation letter for a PhD position at a research institution in Ireland


irilias 1 / -  
Aug 2, 2014   #1
Hello,
i've just finished writing my motivation/cover letter for a PhD position at a research institution in Irland, and i'd pretty much like an outside perspective to be more confident.

Any suggestions, comments, improvements, critiques, corrections (grammatical errors, or any misplaced words like 'the' and 'your' here and there) are highly appreciated.
Thank you

here's the letter :
"I am writing to express my interest in applying for the full-time Phd position aimed at the research and development of ** at ** Institute, which was announced under the reference number FP-20 on **'s website.

After having gone through your website, i am very much intrigued by the wide breadth of topics on which your research focuses on, whether in Communications, Energy, Health or the Environment. I also find it very appealing that your institution provides both, the opportunities for research as well as the implementation of that research. I am confident that this is the right place for me to embark for a serious Research career.

My father is a male nurse at my hometown's public hospital. From my early childhood, my frequent visits to the hospital have had an impact on me. As a young boy, I once walked into the Radiology room and was thoroughly fascinated by the machines, which were huge, when compared to my tiny self. Since then my fascination and interest in medical equipment and instruments have been growing day by day.

Today, having completed my undergraduation in Medical Instrumentation and my graduation in Biomedical Electronics, I find the unique mix of Medicine, Engineering, Physics in particular the physics of optoelectronic devices, and Photonics very exciting. There is a tremendous potential for research and an increasing number of applications in today's world of medicine and technology. Therefore, I aspire to get into the photonics field. Within this field, my interest lies primarily in the areas of photonic circuits and devices. I am personally intrigued by the question of how to design and implement these devices so that they can lead to a better and an earlier diagnosis and treatment of disease.

My diligence towards academics helped me to secure first rank during the whole course of my undergraduate and graduate studies at ** university; upon graduation i have gained a considerable knowledge in, signal processing and imaging, Biomedical instrumentation as well as the physics of optoelectronic devices and photonics. My coursework besides applied mathematics, physics and chemistry, was diversified into different fields, from Electronics, and the physics of semi-conductors components and biomaterials, to Optical fibers in biomedical imaging, lasers technology and its applications in biomedicine, as well as simulation and modeling techniques of biomedical systems. In my curriculum I have done a multitude of different research, design and implementation projects. Working in a team of two students, we did a thorough research on « Application of LASERs in Ophthalmology », « Medical Linear Accelerators for X-ray therapy », and « Nanoelectronics and Data Storage Capacity » in which we explained the concept of single-electron transistor memory cells. We also designed a Humidity Controller using Basic language programming and a Comfile Technology's PicBasic B3 module. Added to this, I did an undergraduate project entitled « Study of Fresenius Vial's Double channel syringe pump PROGRAM2 », i studied the proper maintenance, quality control and troubleshooting procedures necessary for Vial's syringe pump, to ensure an accurate flow of fluids or drugs over a prescribed period of time. For my final year project as a graduate student at ** University, i developed an algorithm that precisely determines both the systolic and diastolic arterial pressures of a subject. Based on this algorithm i managed to design and implement an arterial blood pressure monitoring system. The challenges faced during this project like for instance the process of designing the final product, have definitely helped me to develop and improve my problem-solving skills.

I have also gained a valuable experience as an intern at EPH ** public hospital, where i had the opportunity to learn how to communicate effectively with other medical professionals, participate in professional activities such as evaluating the performance of some medical equipment and report malfunctions. I also did another internship at the «** »Maternity Hospital in which i mainly focused on understanding the concept of sterilization in particular Steam Sterilization, which is the most widely used technique here in Algeria. I also performed regular equipment tests on an « AmscoCentry » prevaccum steam sterilizer, like testing if there is any Vacuum leak or testing for prevacuum efficiency...

As indicated earlier my interest lies in the areas of photonic circuits and devices. I find this PhD position an apt fit to my research interests and education; i believe it would pave the way to earning hands-on experience and acquire specialization, though, **'s innovative fabrication facilities and leading range of test laboratories, plus the collaboration between various research groups in the institution and the variety in research divisions.

Last but not least the chance to work alongside established internationally renowned senior researchers furthermore heighten my desire to be part of the integrated photonics research group.

I am confident that my sincere efforts and determination will help me to keep up with the competitive environment; if given the opportunity, i will do my absolute best to exceed your expectations. I have attached a copy of my curriculum vitae for your review. I would be happy to provide additional references upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration
Sincerely yours,
Ilyas Rima

Like i said, any suggestions are welcome, so please i need an answer so i can submit it
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 8, 2014   #2
After having gone through your website, i am very much intrigued by the wide breadth of topics on which your research focuses on,

This quote above shows great command of English, except for the extra occurrence of the word 'on' at the end - that is not necessary. You should get rid of that word.

Also, even though that a sentence shows strong command of English i.e. the ability to use complex sentence structure, it still includes a lot of unnecessary words. I challenge you to go through the paper and eliminate as many words as you can while still keeping the same meaning.

Here is another example of the same thing I was just talking about: look at the first several words of the paper, and think about whether or not they will capture the reader's attention. That first sentence of the paper is sort of generic/formal, and it definitely does not hit the reader with any intriguing idea.

I am confident that my sincere efforts and determination will help me to keep up with the competitive environment; if given the opportunity, i will do my absolute best to exceed your expectations. --- This one is another example of what I was trying to say. The sentence is written nicely, but it really does not say anything at all. Every student will affirm that they can use dedication to exceed expectations. If you have a real goal, something you are truly passionate about, you can replace the sentence with a sentence that carries real substance and meaning. If your motivation to continue your studies comes from the topic that really seems to be of crucial importance, and if you are emotionally and intellectually driven to achieve your most important goal that pertains to your studies, then that is what this essay will be about.

While you take out as many words as possible, I wonder if you can highlight some of your goals for the reader. If you have real goals, and if you make a real plan for achieving those goals, then the reader will want to empower you and give you an opportunity. The essay should highlight the goals that you can achieve if you are accepted into the program you choose, because that way you are making a connection between whether or not you can achieve your goals and whether or not the reader responds favorably to the paper. This puts some responsibility on the reader - because when we read an essay written by someone who really has clearly defined goals and the plan for achieving them, it makes us take notice. Most people really don't have clearly defined goals.


Home / Letters / 'boy in Radiology room' - Motivation letter for a PhD position at a research institution in Ireland
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳