IELTS WRITING: indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever

Question: The numbers of indigenous people living traditional lives in the world are becoming fewer and fewer. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

Essay:
The cultural diversity makes our world more beautiful and colorful. However, we are facing a rapid decline of indigenous people in America, Asia and Africa. Some measures should be taken in order to protect these people and help them have a better life.

There are two main reasons lead indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. The first reason I want to mention is the lack of knowledge. Although the technique and science change people life more comfortable and convenient, indigenous people still live widely in natural environment such as in a small islands, caves, rainforest, and little do they have contact with other society. The food is more and more scarcity and a lot of disease threat them everyday. They can not find enough food and also can not treat serious illness. Hence, the number of distinct people decreases quickly.

Another cause of this problem is the encroachment of modern people. They need more natural resources, more land to meet the demand of living and production. In history, the expansion and colonialism from European and American affected a lot in indigenous life. They became slaves and worked for invaders. Nowadays, modern people still build factories, houses in the region of ethnic groups and change the life way of local people.

In order to solve the disappear of indigenous people, government and international organizations need to protect the collective rights of indigenous peoples to their culture, identity, language, health, education and natural resources. Government should create laws to protect ethnic region and send volunteers to provide medicine, food and teach them basic knowledge. Members of Indigenous communities should be encouraged in special programs such as transmission of knowledge and skills across age group, cultural exchange among different Indigenous communities and between Indigenous and non-Indigenous cultures. These programs will help them increase their awareness about their society.

In conclusion, cultural diversity is one of the strongest components to a healthy world. Therefore, the heritage cultures of ethnic groups need to be protected from all of us.

Hi,

I think your English is better than mine.

However, I believe your first reason is not convincing.

Indigenous people do not lack knowledge; on the contrary, they have extensive knowledge of their land and surroundings.

Although they only have little understanding of other modern civilizations, theoretically this does not affect their persistence.

You wrote this:


,which means most indigenous people do not need modern knowledge because they still live in their original environment.


This phenomenon is actually due to the negative effects from other modern civilizations, not because the aboriginals lack knowledge.

I suggest you develop a new idea.

Good luck

still live widely in a natural
and little do they have contact with other societies .
The food is more and more scarcity, and a lot of diseases threat them everyday.
They cannot find enough food and also cannot treat serious illness.
Government should create laws to protect an ethnic region and send volunteers to provide medicine,

The cultural diversity makes our world more beautiful and more colorful. However, we are facing a rapid decline of indigenous people in America, Asia and Africa. Some measures should be taken in order to protect these people and help them have a better life.

There are two main reasons which lead indigenous tribes may have disappeared disappear forever. The first reason I want to mention is the lack of knowledge. Although the technique and science (modern technology has made) people life lives more comfortable and convenient, indigenous people still live widely in natural environment such as in a small islands, caves, rainforest, and little do they have contact with other society (very wordy here) The food is more and more becomes scarcity and a lot of disease threat them everyday.

The above are some of my corrections.

Keep on practicing, cheerio

Thank for your help :D

Although the technique (technology) and science change people's life more comfortable and convenient (to be more comfortable and convenient), indigenous people still live widely in natural environment such as in a small islands, caves, rainforest, and little do they have contact with other (modern) societies. The food is more and more scarcity (scarcer and scarcer) and a lot of diseases threat (threaten) them everyday. They can not find enough food and also can not treat serious illness (illnesses). Hence, the number of these distinct people decreases quickly.