Consider your talents and strengths, academic and otherwise. What is one thing you do really well?
Any lack of ideas, reorganizations, comments, criticism, grammar mistakes will be appreciated, Thanks!!
My story began in the outskirts of Seoul, South Korea. My parents came to America sharing a goal common to many immigrants; to provide a better opportunity for my sister and me. Living in America allowed me to experience the world from different views. As I grew up, I began to realize how lucky I was. Long ago, Korea was a united nation which meant that I could have as easily been born in North Korea instead of South Korea. I could have easily been born into a family who was controlled by a despot. My life would have been entirely different had that happened. Through this realization, it inspired me to do what is in my power to help those who were not as lucky as I was. My goal started small as I joined the local volunteer club, Project Help, during my freshman year. I periodically took part in various ribbon sales held to raise money for the needy and helped sort the clothes collected during a clothing drive. While my high school career progressed, my involvement with Project Help increased significantly. I became an active member of the group and continuously devoted my time to plan and chair events, participate variety of fundraisers, and the walks. Helping and becoming friends with people has been two of my greatest strengths.
Hi :)
Its a wonderful essay that you've written, which has really good transition. I just thought that you could add the line, 'Helping and becoming friends with people has been two of my greatest strengths.' somewhere in the middle, because that's the main point in your essay while answering the essay prompt. Also, describe in one sentence why it is something that you do really well that stands out from rest of your strengths/talents.
All the Best with your Application!
Cheers.
