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Family and community / School / Experiences / Relationships


babyblue 1 / -  
Mar 31, 2011   #1
Please help me to fix my grammar. thanks

Your family and community

I have five siblings and I am the youngest. Currently, I live with one of my sister. My mother and my other siblings are living in Vietnam. Recently, my father went back to ... and stays there. He doesn't want to come back to America anymore because he doesn't know what to do beside stay home all day. The weather here is very cold comparing to ... From ... my father can visit his relative any time he wants to. Yet, in America we don't have any relative make my father feel his life is not meaningful anymore. I don't live with my siblings since I was 10 years old. All of us are independent children. My siblings are drop out school because back then my family did not have money to send my siblings to school. At that time, my father being sent to re-education camp, my mother stayed back takes care all of my siblings with no money. I am the first child in the family have higher education and my parents are very proud of me.

I volunteered a lot through all of my school years, especially college year. When I was in high school I did free translation for most of the elderly in my neighborhood. Most of them are very old and don't know English or have any relative to help them. I helped lots of Vietnamese elderly and they gave me money or foods but I didn't take it. I just feel happy after I helped them or actually do something for them. During my college years, I volunteered at H... Hospital for two years. After that I was an after school tutoring at ... International Elementary for one year. When I got accept to the Early Childhood and Family Studies at ...University, I was a team leader for Jumpstart Program for one year. After all these years of volunteering at many different places, I end up to volunteer in a preschool classroom at ... Elementary School every quarter until today. I really like to get involved in community and helping other people around me as much as I can.

Your school(s)

Finishing a bachelor degree was a long journey for me. After graduated from high school I got full ride to ...University, NJ for 4 years. However, after the first semester I didn't have the opportunity to social life or do any extracurricular activity because the limitation of time my father sets. I have to be home right after school, if I am late for five minutes then my father will ask lots of questions. I couldn't live my life under control of my father even when I am a college student. My sister and I left my father and came to S... I didn't have money to pay for my tuition, therefore I went to work for one year then I applied for financial aid. I came back to school; I got my AA degree at .... Community College. Since I have passion with young children, I searched for major at UW and I saw Early Childhood and Family Studies. I applied but didn't get accept because it was during the winter quarter. While waiting for the accepting letter from the school, I worked full time and saved money for my tuition. After so many struggles, now I am a senior of University of ...

Your experiences in/with school (positive/negative and why)

Going to school is everybody's dream. No one wants to live a life like an idiot. As for myself, I am very happy to have what I should have through many obstacles. I have to say the experiences I have with school is more positive than negative because I worked hard and studied hard. I don't want to pay money to come to school and get bad grade. Therefore, I always try my best to finish what it should be done. Sometimes I did not get the answer I want but I still happy because I didn't give up but keep trying. I didn't attend kindergarten so I didn't really have any experience about that age. I didn't make any teacher need to call my father to complain about me from elementary to college. I am not a smart student but I don't give up. When I graduated from high school I was in top five and honor student. During the four years of college, I always keep my GPA 3.0 or above. There was one time I failed on one of the exam, I felt very sad. I told myself must do better next time. Overall, I feel very happy to have what I have right now. I believe everybody should have their limit but not ask for more when there are lots of people out there need the opportunity more than I do.

Your family's experiences in/with schools (positive/negative and why)

I should say my family has negative experiences with school because my parents and siblings didn't have the same opportunity as I had. My father graduated from high school and went to army for a couple years. After he finished in the army, he trained to become a police. However, my mother didn't have the opportunity to finish school as she dreamed. My grandfather dies when my mother just one month old, yet my grandmother didn't have money for my mother to continue with school. Therefore, my mother stopped school when she was six grades. My mother didn't know what college student life is or what the college classroom look like. She sunk her life in working as a farmer until she met my father. My parents were poor so my sisters and brother didn't even finish their elementary school. They helped my parents worked in the farm all day long. In my family, only one of the sister and me has the opportunity to come to this promise land and get education.

Your family's relationships with school staff (positive/negative and why)

I remember when I was in elementary my mother always had good relationship with most of my teachers because my mother tent to invite some of my teachers to my house for family dinner in once a while. However, the images stop when I finished my third grade. I came to America with one of the sister close to me and my father. Due to the language barrier, my father never meets any of my teachers ever since I have been in America. If I need parent meeting then I asked one of the Vietnamese teacher in school to help me to make the excuse for my father. My mother loves to meet my teachers and asked about me in school. I think if my mother came with me to America then my life would change to better.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 3, 2011   #2
This is a powerful sentence, a very interesting sentence: He doesn't want to come back to America anymore because he doesn't know what to do beside stay home all day.

I have not lived with my siblings since I was 10 years old.

However, after the first semester I didn't have the opportunity to establish a social life or do any extracurricular activity because the limitation of time my father set. I have to be home right after school, if I am late...

Going to school is everybody's dream. No one wants to live a life like an idiot. ----wow, this is my favorite part of the essay right here...

Okay, you have such a great personality and communication style. I really like it. I want to recommend that throughout the whole essay you should try to include more sentences about your career plan. Show that you know exactly what you want to do and that you have about 5 or 10 short term goals. I want these paragraphs to all show that you are very determined to carry out a detailed plan.

:-)


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