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"The forming of my identity" - psychology supplement for U of M


collegegirl24 2 / 13  
Dec 25, 2010   #1
Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate college or school to which you are applying at the U of M. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words max.)

The forming of my identity has been an arduous process. It is best explained by psychologist Erik Erikson's stages of development. It first required a confidence in the future of the world which I acquired when I first began to read novels, realizing the problems I faced had been faced by countless people before me. The next stage was early childhood, when one gains control over their own actions. At this stage, I was forced to research and advocate for my own lessons and summer activities. I now have a strong sense of where my interests lie. The Play Age stage was when I began to question the world. I soon realized how precious the rare glimpses of authenticity were to me, masked by socially acceptable behaviour. During the school age, I developed a strong sense of capability through being exposed to leadership positions at my elementary school. The stage I deem the most important is adolescence. This can be the most challenging for humans, as they discover who they are as individuals separate from their family. By immersing myself in other cultures on language exchanges, immersion programs, and volunteer opportunities interacting with children of impoverished communities, my values and self-image have been put into question, thus I slowly developed my own world view separate from my family or culture.

I have to conclude that Erikson was misguided when assigning ages to accompany his stages of development. I am 17 years old, and while my peers embark on their college journey as a time to separate from their families and discover their place in the world, I can say I thoroughly know myself. I am a proud feminist and a dedicated vegetarian, and I am prepared to take action in campus life at U of M.

Once I became confident in my sense of self, I began to watch the ways in which others' identities were being shaped and thus decided psychology was my passion. I watched as children at the rehabilitation center where I volunteered last year developed into boastful and lax swimmers through overly-encouraging parents, or into children insecure about their swimming abilities from their parents continuously labeling them as "stupid." Because I recognize how important fulfilling each stage of development is, I want to devote my time to help others make sense of their role in their community.

U of M is an environment where I can connect to children struggling to find their sense of self. Participating in the Child Violence and Trauma Lab, I can observe how exposure to Intimate Partner Violence affects the development of children. I can play an active role with Ozone House, helping runaway, homeless and high-risk youth re-evaluate their sense of self. I even want to help my own peers develop their world views, by participating in the North American Summer Service Team, and watching as they grow through immersion in communities throughout North America.

Erikson states that it is harder to reach later stages if one is lacking the earlier. My strong sense of self is the result of gradually achieving each stage of development. I recognize how important factors influencing our development are, such as culture and family environments. My goal is to help others realize that by exposing themselves to diverse experiences, they will be able to determine their own identity just as I have.

This is only a rough draft, but I would really appreciate feedback!
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
This essay, especially your intro, is bogged down in psychological theory.

While it useful to "name-drop" to demonstrate your familiarity with the subject the extended discussion of Erickson's stages of development does very little for your essay as a whole and only establishes you as a person in broad strokes and terms. Your essay gets much better when you talk about your own experiences and observations, you should try to make this essay more personal.

Its clear you have a passion for the subject, and you convey that more clearly and effectively in an essay. Focus on tying it back to yourself and specific experiences and ideas that center around YOU, not Erickson.

Best of luck.
OP collegegirl24 2 / 13  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
thanks so much Ben!
i completely understand what you mean. I was trying to incorporate Erikson to give my essay more of a flow, but I see that it is simply straying from the main purpose: which is why in particular I want to go to U of M. I want to go there for the outreach programs, which is explained through my desire to help people discover their identities. here is my edited version, please tell me what you think.

I am a diligent student, a dedicated vegetarian, a proud feminist, a passionate dancer, and a lover of culture and language. But if someone asked me to describe myself two years ago, I would have had to pause and I doubt I would have ever formulated an answer. These past two years have been a time of great growth for me. I begged my parents to send me on language exchanges and summer programs because I desired to immerse myself in other cultures. My weeks became filled with time spent mentoring students in a have-not part of the city, and teaching disabled children how to swim. Through this, my ideologies were put into question. I learned that I am impartial to religion, I seek a balance of work and play, and that I'd rather state my honest opinion than live in fear of being rejected. I am 17 years old, and while my peers embark on their college journey as a time to separate from their families and discover their place in the world, I can say I thoroughly know myself.

As soon as I developed my own self concept, I became very interested in observing how others developed theirs. I researched psychologist Erik Erikson's theory of stages of development, and discovered that each age of childhood is intended to develop a child's trust in the world, independence, questioning and most important their own views separate from their families. I watched as children at the rehabilitation center where I volunteered last year developed into boastful and lax swimmers through overly-encouraging parents, or into children insecure about their swimming abilities from their parents continuously labeling them as "stupid." It became aware to me that experiences are crucial in shaping the way a person thinks about themselves. Because I recognize how important each stage of development is, I want to devote my time to help others make sense of their role in the community.

U of M is an environment where I can connect to children struggling to find their sense of self. Participating in the Child Violence and Trauma Lab, I can observe how exposure to Intimate Partner Violence affects the development of children. I can play an active role with Ozone House, helping runaway, homeless and high-risk youth re-evaluate their sense of self. I even want to help my own peers develop their world views, by participating in the North American Summer Service Team, and watching as they grow through immersion in communities throughout North America.

Erikson states that it is harder to reach later stages if one is lacking the earlier. My strong sense of self is the result of gradually achieving each stage of development. I recognize how important factors influencing our development are, such as culture and family environments. My goal is to help others realize that by exposing themselves to diverse experiences, they will be able to determine their own identity just as I have.
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Dec 26, 2010   #4
"in a have-not part of the city" While I sort of like this idiom you'd probably be better off saying, "impoverished" or even just "poorer" less is almost always more.

Other then that this second draft is vastly better then your first. Its a good essay and I think you've done exactly what I asked. I have very little left to say besides best of luck on your applications.
OP collegegirl24 2 / 13  
Dec 26, 2010   #5
thanks a lot ben. your feedback was extremely helpful; i really appreciate it.
do you think admissions get a clear sense of why i want to attend U of M rather than just why I am interested in psychology?
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Dec 26, 2010   #6
I mean, more of your essay is certainly devoted to showcasing your commitment to psychology, but I don't think its a bad thing.

Even though its about their school it gets pretty boring to just read about the SAME reasons people want to attend these schools. Your well-explained interest helps define you as well as characterize and help define your interest in the school, so I'd say it helps you in both ways. This is a good essay and they'd be stupid to over analyze it to the point where it wasn't. I think you'll be fine.
OP collegegirl24 2 / 13  
Dec 26, 2010   #7
thanks so much for your feedback. would you mind looking over my georgetown statement? i would really appreciate it


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