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"Following the Footsteps of Three Generations of Doctors..." -Why Columbia Supplement


littlechef 10 / 33  
Dec 21, 2010   #1
Even at a young age, I desired to continue my family's commitment to the medical field. Three generations of nurses, doctors, and researchers beckon me, the youngest child, to follow in their footsteps, fulfilling a timeless family tradition's power to cure. Equipped with nothing more than a love for the mysteries of both the physiology and the personality of the human being, I venture into a future demanding reverence for the traditional and exploration of my individual self. For the many crossroads that I will encounter, Columbia University will be the compass which guides me to the balance that I desire to achieve.

My footsteps yearn to trace Columbia's legacy well-rounded, independent-minded thinkers. In addition to the school's on-campus Medical Center and a renowned Biochemistry department, the unique Core Curriculum opens additional possibilities for me to explore so much more, such as the eloquence of Sophocles and the further probing of the constituent classes made possible by Core Reflections. No school seems to scrutinize the more precise details of science while unveiling the broader scope of humanities than Columbia's comprehensive educational system.

But what I cherish the most are the inexhaustible opportunities to thrive beyond the classroom. On or off campus, Columbia exposes me to so many avenues to all that cosmopolitan New York City has to provide. With the Metropolitan Museum and the Museum of Modern Art at my fingertips, I may garner a heightened appreciation for the many forms of art, reliving my appeal for the aesthetic from my AP Art History class. Having resided in the Californian suburbs for my entire lifetime, I await the days that I may walk through Morningside Heights, immersing myself into a culturally diverse community ample with the promise to learn something new every day.

While my fascination in endocrinology remains a distant prospect in the future, I know I shall be prepared for such a pursuit after expanding my horizons at Columbia University. The honor to be part of the school's tradition of excellence would most assuredly allow me to keep my aspirations - and those of my ancestors - alive.

- Currently 2179 characters, must cut it down to 1500... Please help!
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Dec 21, 2010   #2
Cut this "Equipped with nothing more than a love for the mysteries of both the physiology and the personality of the human being, I venture into a future demanding reverence for the traditional and exploration of my individual self."

I'm not sure exactly what to cut in this paragraph "
My footsteps yearn to trace Columbia's legacy well-rounded, independent-minded thinkers. In addition to the school's on-campus Medical Center and a renowned Biochemistry department, the unique Core Curriculum opens additional possibilities for me to explore so much more, such as the eloquence of Sophocles and the further probing of the constituent classes made possible by Core Reflections. No school seems to scrutinize the more precise details of science while unveiling the broader scope of humanities than Columbia's comprehensive educational system." But there's a lot of extra fat there. I like your essay but here your definitely towing the line between sensible flattery and unsettling commitment to please. I'd tone down your praise of their institution a little bit here.

"With the Metropolitan Museum and the Museum of Modern Art at my fingertips, I may garner a heightened appreciation for the many forms of art, reliving my appeal for the aesthetic from my AP Art History class." While this detail is good its unnecessary, if you need to cut down your essay consider removing that bad boy.

That's what I got, it a solid essay. Good luck.
OP littlechef 10 / 33  
Dec 21, 2010   #3
Thank you very much. I appreciate the suggestions ;)
iceui2 - / 70  
Dec 22, 2010   #4
This essay asks: "What is most appealing about Columbia"

You mentioned... two or three things. PICK ONE.

Also, talking about "following the footsteps of three generation of doctors" does nothing to help your application. It is wasting valuable words that you can spend talking about Columbia's various extracurricular activities. Plus, it depicts you as a "follower" rather than a "leader". You don't want to follow the footsteps, you want to take new steps outward.

Lastly, there are plenty of universities in NYC with access to the places you mentioned. Why do you want to come to Columbia to experience them? That's what you left out in your essay.
theomgwtf 1 / 4  
Dec 22, 2010   #5
You mentioned... two or three things. PICK ONE.

I agree with iceui2. It seems like you have too many topic sentence with too little support. Perhaps focus on one aspect then develop and support it?


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