Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 9


"In Being a Banana: A Cultural Mishap" - General questions on format & prompt ComApp


angu2923 2 / 3  
Sep 26, 2010   #1
Hey guys, I'm applying early, so I would really like some feedback on my common app essay.

1) I feel like it doesn't really fit into any of the preset prompts, so it'd be #6, the "Pick your own topic" one. Can it fit in any of the others?

2) Is it to negative? Do I focus on my weaknesses too much?
3) Just general feedback would be great! Thanks!

In Being a Banana: A Cultural Mishap

The language of my ancestors, my mother, father, and grandparents, is lost to me. With the brief exception of a few common phrases I learned when I was much younger, I can no more understand the tongue than the average American. There are times when I regret never having learned to speak Vietnamese - times of disassociation and cultural loss. How can I communicate with my great-grandmother, who doesn't speak a word of English? How do I truly appreciate my cousin's wedding when it's a traditional Vietnamese ceremony? However, despite my lack of this important quality, I am constantly surprised about what my heritage has to teach me.

Yes, this unfortunate quality of mine can sometimes be detracting; I am constantly getting befuddled questions demanding I explain why I can't speak my own language. But the traditions and culture of my parents will always be there, building structure into my life and purpose into my actions. Sometimes it manifests itself in the small thing - bowing to elders when greeting them, taking off shoes when entering a house - insignificant actions, really. More often it's in a big way - the drive to succeed, to work hard, and to make something of myself. My parents had to flee to America because their country was tearing itself apart; and it wasn't easy living as a foreigner in 1970's America. If they could leave their home and rebuild their lives from the ground up in a country where they could barely understand the language and had absolutely no social standing, what excuses could I possibly have for doing anything but my best?

I admit, I'm not Hercules; I haven't performed awe-inspiring or shocking feats. I'm not worldly; I have never gone on life changing trips to help people in third-world countries. I can't even speak two languages fluently. I am what some Asians call a "Banana" - yellow on the outside, white on the inside. I obviously lack in some areas, linguistic understanding of culture and vast amounts of life experience being no exception. But I can't help but be proud of where I come from. I don't believe in giving less than my best - to myself or to others. And who knows, it's never too late; maybe someday I'll finally learn how to speak Vietnamese.
yojo1 3 / 17  
Sep 26, 2010   #2
1) it fits to the first prompt (evaluate your significant experience)
2) Colleges do not want Hercules. They need one who can find something negative on oneself and improve.
3) Your essay is really great :)
ahchong 1 / 12  
Sep 27, 2010   #3
hi amanda!

well first off i'm a 'banana' too and u managed to "capture the essence" ( i stole this line from mark =) ) that i had in mind. lol

well this essay is definitely build on an interesting topic but i cant seem to see the connection between your vietnamese traditions and the drive to succeed. the willpower to work hard and make it in life is a common trait of humans regardless of race, gender and nationality. its better in my opinion to rephrase "the drive" as something u admire of your parents, and is what that's been keeping u going all this while.

oh n the last paragraph was very well phrased.

good job,u have nice essay here n i wish u all the best =) good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 30, 2010   #4
Although I am constantly getting scrutinizing looks and befuddled questions demanding I explain why I can't speak my own language, the traditions and cultures... etc.

Just simplify so the reader can fully appreciate it.

Wow, this is really an excellent essay. You have a perspective that makes you a person of crucial value, and we are so lucky that you happen to be a skillful writer so that you can benefit us by sharing that unique perspective.

Check out EssayForum Contributor Page.
AsianAdvantage - / 5  
Oct 1, 2010   #5
While well-written, this essay topic is too common among Asian applicants, and thus is not likely to differentiate yourself from the many applicants with your background. My suggestion is to pick a topic that is unique to you, and demonstrates what you would bring to a college campus in terms of your abilities and strengths.

Best of luck to you in your college search from Asian Advantage College Consulting.
swimmer400 4 / 10  
Oct 1, 2010   #6
I think this is a well written essay. Everything is great except for the topic.

I also agree with what AsianAdvantage said. Being Asian is not unique in the college world and I have read other essays that play on the banana metaphor.

If you submit an equally well-written essay on something about yourself that nobody else can write about, then you have an advantage.

I do think you are selling yourself short. Colleges want to see growth so maybe you can write more about your dream to learn Vietnamese and HOW you plan to do that, if you haven't done so already.

Good luck.
OP angu2923 2 / 3  
Oct 3, 2010   #7
I will definitely take that into consideration. But are there any suggestions that don't involve me overhauling my entire essay?
mea505 - / 265  
Oct 3, 2010   #8
Amanda,

I don't think that you need to revise your entire essay. Look what Kevin said about your work. Look what some of the others said about it. I thought -- before -- and I still think that this is an excellent essay, indeed. If you want to change anything, change the title, but I don't think you need to revise the entire body of the essay! It's simply a wonderful essay. I do think that you might want to re-write it, based on the corrections made only -- and by doing so, you might find some other areas that you want to change yourself. Give it a try. I think you did well.

--Mark :)
Benn_Myers 8 / 46  
Nov 14, 2010   #9
This is a wonderful essay. The language is clear and pleasing, it flows nicely and you never stray from your main point.

Your gonna knock 'em dead kid, this is the best essay I've read on here so far.


Home / Undergraduate / "In Being a Banana: A Cultural Mishap" - General questions on format & prompt ComApp
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳