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Essay prompt 2# What is your intended major?


lucky7x123 1 / 4  
Nov 18, 2009   #1
Prompt 2# What is your intended major, how did you get interested in the subject, any experience and what have you gained?

I wanted to be clear and direct but I might put some more description of the scene I talk about in the beginning. I'm not done yet but I feel like something wrong.

Please be brutal but not insulting.

You can youtube the scene I talk about in the beginning and see for yourself.

I experienced a Zen when I realized that I can write my daydreams for a living and incorporate those ideas through film by writing scripts and screenplay. The films I've seen , the things I've read, and the people I meet over the years shaped my decision to become an English major.

Watching Robert De Niro's character get his face pulverized as he's boxing against Ray Jay Jackson, in Martin Scorsese, Raging Bull , I was amazed by the synthesis of writing and filming. The original screenplay of Paul Schrader and Mardik Martin being brought to life by Scorsese film technique -lighting,closeup, and slow motion. A thrill came to me, as I began to inscribe every moment into words in my head. Right before the folly of jabs from Jacksons fists, I knew that this is what I wanted to do for a living, to paint these scenes out of words. Now with this compassionate drive, I began writing.

My ideas flowing from pen to paper, but before any aspect of film technique I needed to understand the structure of prose and style by becoming an English major. I began by writing in a small journal, minor fragments of plots, poems , and ideas that came to my head. Then I started to join writing competitions and wrote a flash fiction for De Anza's annual 2008 Red Wheel Barrel. Beginning my short story was the most difficult, ideas scrambled in my mind and was overwhelmed by expectations since this was my first attempt to write out of my comfort zone. Reading some of the other short stories from Kafka, Hemingway, and other authors, I felt my piece was missing an invoking substance. Hearing about my dilemma, I was given advice from teachers at the De Anza English department and the best advice I received was "to write what makes you passionate". Hearing those words, my anxieties melted away and it all just came to me. I began to enjoy the process in creating the piece more than anticipating the competitions results. I gained the advice and guidance of other experience writers during the process of creating my flash fiction, something more satisfying than a physical parchment of my success.

I now felt an awakening of creative potential that, until recently, hid dormant. The insatiable need to generate my ideas grew with my direction towards anything relating to Literature and film, as I notice the world opening up new possibilities. Now seeing in a new perspective, I can look at something and connect a web of possibilities.Whenever I saw a cleaver commercial, heard a powerful spoken word , or viewed a provocative short films, I shook with excitement and started to draw countless questions and revisions in my mind. I asked myself, "What music score should accompany this scene? How could I make this character more well rounded?What subjects are in the foreground, mid-ground, and background ?"

When something ends, too others that was it. For me it was just the beginning.

I stop there but I was thinking about writing what I gained from my Asian-American Literature class. Something about how Asian American Literature is practically new compared to other English movements.

Overall, I want to know what I can do to make my essay more strong and what are the weaknesses and how can I correct them.
iamcentrum 3 / 9  
Nov 19, 2009   #2
I thought this was pretty descent, but go deeper and think about the qualities of yourself that leads you to believe you were born to do this. Don't focus too much of scene but use it as a start to transition to who you to be a filmmaker.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 21, 2009   #3
...A thrill came to me, as I began to inscribe every moment as words into words in my head...---> that is a cool sentence.

Oh.. so there is more to come? Well, writing about that class is good, but actually... make it so that what you are actually writing about is how fascinated you are about the subject, and USE the anecdote about the class to support the idea. I think the most important thing is to follow all the way through and describe your plans for the future -- especially college -- in terms of this fascination with spoken word and Lit. What kind of work do you want to do later in life?
ldh8504 8 / 16  
Nov 21, 2009   #4
I think it's a passionate essay, but it would be much better if you showed some kind of plans for your future and conveyed your visions in less complicated way. Good luck ;)
OP lucky7x123 1 / 4  
Nov 21, 2009   #5
EF_Kevin
Im kinda iffy about that sentence. But i like your tips about going into dept with the anecdote . I started talking about how I feel when I see a really amazing piece.

Thanks for the ideas though.
OP lucky7x123 1 / 4  
Nov 23, 2009   #6
Ok, i just finished my personal statement for the first prompt.

Here it is. Read it and weep- just kidding. Again be brutal but helpful. I began with a separate thesis and tried to make it lively a bit. I'm trying to be direct but not boring. I tried to go into more dept, so , I'm just wondering what you guys think. Thanks.

READ ABOVE

I'm a bit iffy about the ending and don't want to sound tacky but wanted at the same time to be thoughtful.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 23, 2009   #7
I experienced a "Zen moment" when I realized that...-----> how about like that?

How could I make this character more well rounded? Wh at subjects are in the foreground, mid-ground, and background ?"
When something ends, to others it means it is all over. For me, it was just the beginning.
OP lucky7x123 1 / 4  
Nov 23, 2009   #8
This is coming out nicely. I went with the "Zen moment" and did some touch ups with the ending. Now I got to check on the grammar and verb tense consistency. Thanks for the help guys.

Prompt two coming soon. . .Dun dun dunnnnnnn
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 25, 2009   #9
Right on! :-)


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