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Please help me correct the sentences



boguchaThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Bogumila Abramowicz     		Oct 1, 2009, 01:01pm   #1
Hi, I need help with correcting sentence or sentencess ( I need to use only necessary words, I can make the sentence shorter, combine 2 sentencess or change a word for more appropriate):
1. Those big pointed things in Egypt were all built by slaves.
2. The terrain can be seen by obtaining a topographical map of the area one intends to cover. The area to be covered having been studied, the task is now what to carry within the pack.
3. The kind of rat that is brown in colour is as supple in its ability to change its shape as a piece of rubber is.
4. Since Shanna wished to converse while she was in Sweden, she decided to study it.
5. A sentence ought not to have any words that are not entirely necessary, and for that matter, there should be no unnecessary sentences contained within a paragraph. This is true for the very same reason that a drawing, if it is to be a good drawing, should have no lines that are not completely necessary.
6. In my opinion I think that an author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words that he does not really need in order to put his message across.
7. General Electric has a new automated locomotive plant, and it is located in Erie, Pennsylvania, and it is an example of what American factories will look like in the twenty first century.

Please, please help me :)
EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,101
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com [Moderator]    		Oct 1, 2009, 03:06pm   #2
bogucha:
( I need to use only necessary words, I can make the sentence shorter, combine 2 sentencess or change a word for more appropriate)


This looks to me like a homework assignment through which you are supposed to demonstrate your ability to do these things. We are not here to do your homework for you. We are here to give you feedback on your own writing. We will be happy to give feedback, including suggested corrections, on any of your own work that you post on this forum. But we will not complete this homework assignment for you.
boguchaThreads: 1
Posts: 2
Author: Bogumila Abramowicz     		Oct 2, 2009, 02:02am   #3
I have my sentences made up, but I want to check if I was right. Ok, I will write them, can you please check them for me ?:
1.Those big pointed things in Egypt were all built by slaves.
and now my sentence:
- All pyramids in Egypt were built by slaves.
2. One factor we should consider is how important a thing good water is to public health.
- The water is very important factor to public health.
3. The terrain can be seen by obtaining a topographical map of the area one intends to cover. The area to be covered having been studied, the task is now what to carry within the pack.
- A topographical map will show the terrain one intends to cover and help decide what to carry in your pack.
4. The kind of rat that is brown in colour is as supple in its ability to change its shape as a piece of rubber is.
- A brown rat is as supple as a piece of rubber in its ability to change shape.
5. A sentence ought not to have any words that are not entirely necessary, and for that matter, there should be no unnecessary sentences contained within a paragraph. This is true for the very same reason that a drawing, if it is to be a good drawing, should have no lines that are not completely necessary.
- Just as a good drawing should contain only necessary lines, paragraphs should contain only necessary sentences and sentences should contain only necesary words.
6. Since Shanna wished to converse while she was in Sweden, she decided to study in.
- Shanna studied Swedish to converse while in Sweden.

I have few more sentences, but this are that I'm not sure of, so if you please check them out for me and give me some advice if they are wrong I will be gratefull. Thank you in advance.


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