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does this sentence make sense? "I watched the small playful ping pong ball..."


myc 4 / 5  
Mar 1, 2007   #1
Does this make sense?
"I watched the small playful ping pong ball fly from one racket to another with wondering eyes."

Thanks
myc
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Mar 1, 2007   #2
Greetings!

Well, it makes sense if you mean, do I know what you are trying to say. If your underlying question is, "Is this a well-written sentence?" my answer would be, "I think it could be better."

For one thing, it could be read to mean that the ping pong ball has wondering eyes. Also, unless you are giving human characteristics to the ping pong ball (personification), characterizing it as "playful" is not really accurate. There might be a better way to say what you mean:

"I watched with wondering eyes as the ping pong ball flew playfully from one racket to another."

That way, you are describing the action of the ball as playful, rather than the ball itself. I don't think you really need "small" because everyone knows what size a ping pong ball is -- they only come in one size, to my knowledge.

Hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
bogogirly - / 2  
Mar 24, 2008   #3
In extenuation to the mob scene Scouts maturity in her obstinance to let perceive a decent upbringing of Boo Radleys's appearance and to disregard all prior notions of a melivelent and horrifying being grew even more.
bogogirly - / 2  
Mar 24, 2008   #4
sorry i was wondering if this sentence made sense i wasnt adding on to yours
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Mar 25, 2008   #5
Greetings!

No, I'm afraid the sentence does not really make sense. :-) My advice would be to simplify, simplify, simplify! Try shortening the sentence--make it two, if need be. Also, don't use a $10 word if a $1 word will do. Only use words like "extenuation" if you are sure that you are doing so correctly, and it is the very best word choice for that sentence. Try rewriting the sentence a bit simpler and then run it by me again. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
nico - / 1  
Jan 3, 2009   #6
Does this sentence about the novel make sense?

The novel focuses on a series of unfortunate events afflicted on the Logan family.
Glenn900 2 / 3  
Jan 3, 2009   #7
It makes sense to me!

Disclaimer: I'm only a high school student, so take my opinions lightly!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 4, 2009   #9
I would change to:

The novel focuses on a series of unfortunate events by which the Logan family is afflicted.


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