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Is there any error in this phrase?


saikarvn 2 / 3  
Feb 9, 2008   #1
To obtain MBA as starting point for reuniting my business experience and engineering background, then establishing my career in marketing field in a multinational electronic company such as Samsung
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Feb 9, 2008   #2
Greetings!

Yes, there are a couple of problems with it, but they are minor. :-) First of all, don't forget that most nouns in English require an article, so you would say "To obtain an MBA..." (or, if you were writing out Masters of Business Administration, you would say "To obtain a Masters..."). Secondly, the sentence is actually a fragment. If you are merely answering a question like "Why do you want to attend this school?" and you are to write only a sentence as a direct answer, then it might be fine. However, if this is part of an essay, you need to make it a whole sentence, such as "My purpose in attending [name of school] is to obtain an MBA as a starting point..." (the rest of the sentence is fine)

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP saikarvn 2 / 3  
Feb 9, 2008   #3
Oh, thank you a lot. Your answer is very clear.

I intend to use this phase for explaining my main purpose in the objective section of my CV.
This chance is quite important for me, so I want to impress the reader as soon as possible!

After considering one night and reference from you, I'm going to change several words as:

"To obtain a Masters of Business Administration as starting point for incorporating my engineering background with business knowledge, then establishing my marketing career in a multinational electronic company such as Samsung"

Is it ok?

Best regards,
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Feb 10, 2008   #4
Greetings!

I think that's a very impressive-sounding objective! It has the benefit of showing that you have given a great deal of thought about how to mesh your background with the degree you are seeking, and then using all the best elements of both to really target the area where your talents will be of the greatest use. I'm not sure where you're applying, but in the U.S. we would normally say "an electronics company" with an "s" on "electronics"; however, you might know more about this than I. :-)

Best of luck in your future endeavors!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP saikarvn 2 / 3  
Feb 10, 2008   #5
Hi,

Thank you for your comment and encouragement ^__^
I'm doing my best to fulfill my wish...

Thank you again and best wishes to you!
OP saikarvn 2 / 3  
Feb 12, 2008   #6
Hi Sarah,

I'm going to prepare the documents, but I don't have enough confident about my formal English and also in Literatures. I'm an Vietnamese engineer and my intention is MBA degree. Hence, I will continue ask you to help me in my essays.

Will meet you almost everyday in few weeks ;)
See you!
Gianna 1 / 1  
Oct 15, 2008   #7
Is there an error in this phrase?

To obtain MBA as starting point for reuniting my business experience and engineering background, then establishing my career in marketing field in a multinational electronic company such as Samsung.

Obtaining an MBA as a starting point for reuniting my business experience and engineering background will then establish my career in the marketing field in multinational electronic companies such as Samsung.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 16, 2008   #8
Good afternoon.

Grammatically, as it is this statement is a fragment. I suggest:

Obtaining an MBA will be a starting point to unite my business experience with my engineering background in order to establish a career in the marketing field, expressly in the business setting of a multinational electronic company such as Samsung.

I hope this helps.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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