Just looking for some proofreading and feedback! Thanks in advance for your help.
Prompt: Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?
I have been a cheerleader all my life. I started recreational cheerleading when I was just two years old. This sport became my life eventually when I started competitive cheerleading. At this point, I was dedicating 8 hours per week to the sport while taking on honors and AP classes. It was difficult, but I did it because I loved it. As my junior year came to an end, I had to make a very difficult decision. I had to decide whether or not to quit cheerleading in order to make more time for school.
Cheerleading was almost a part of my identity. I had been active in this sport for 15 years. That's almost 90% of my whole life. I loved the connection I had with my coaches and fellow team mates. The fact that I had 22 best friends that all shared the same passion for cheerleading was what made this decision difficult.
Another reason I found it difficult was because of the feeling I got before I walked onto the stage at competitions. This feeling is like nothing else. Each and every time I felt like I was going to cry from being so scared. But once I got on the stage and got set for the routine, I immediately felt determination. I felt empowered like I was on top of the world. When the music started I could feel the adrenaline rush through my body. I knew I would never get this feeling anywhere else.
Towards the end of the season, my teammates began asking me if I was trying out again. Each time the topic came up I started crying. I did not want to quit my favorite sport, but I knew it was the best thing for my education.
I was starting early admissions my senior year, this meant I was going to take 5 college level classes. I didn't know if I could take on this kind of school work while spending 8 hours a week at the cheer gym. I tore myself away from my passion.
Ever since I joined my cheerleading gym, I looked up to the graduating seniors' goodbye videos at the banquet each year. The seniors would make a video about the things they have learned from the coaches and tips for the rest of the gym. I had been planning what I was going to say for 8 years. Since I quit when I was a junior, I will never be able to make this video. As depressing as it is, I still think this was the best decision for me to further my academic career. There aren't many scholarships for cheerleading nor any careers in cheerleading that I am interested in. While I have learned many life lessons from this sport, I have accepted that my cheerleading days have come to an end.
Mack, while I admire this essay for the personal insight that you have provided to the reader, I think that you can opt to discuss a more relevant topic to the prompt other than this one. Somehow, there was no real skill involved in overcoming this obstacle. If you can really consider giving up cheer-leading a circumstance, obstacle, or conflict in your life. Wait, okay, I take that back. Maybe it can be considered a conflict because it was taking time away from your studies. However, it is a bit of a stretch for me to consider giving up the sport a skill or resource that you had to use to resolve the issue. I think you need to consider something with more impact when you discuss this prompt. Something that actually prodded you to make a real, life altering change in your life.
For example, if you were a cheerleader who got injured and were told that the injury was career ending. However, you refused to accept that verdict regarding your cheerleading career. So you worked with a therapist over a number of months, getting better and better, and then, just when you were on the verge of a return to the cheerleading group, you suffered a setback. Then another one. But even with all these setbacks, you managed to get back to optimum condition and rejoined the team. That would be more along the lines of the prompt. You would have needed to utilize certain skills and resources in order to complete your therapy and get back to your spot on the team. This one, relating to simply taking advanced college courses, does not really indicate the need to go down that path of using skills and resources.
If you can, try to review the essay that you wrote and try to make it more prompt responsive. You need to be able to accurately reflect the necessary elements of the prompt in order to present the best possible essay response to it. It just might be necessary for you to choose a totally different personal experience for it. Whatever you decide to do, just keep in mind the prompt requirement, you need to display a skill or use of resources to have overcome the obstacle or conflict. I just don't see that happening with this current essay.
