First of all, I LOVE this forum, thank you SO much ppl, it's amazingly helpful! I'd never done it without this site, and now I will not leave it for a while, for the educational reasons :)
To the point,
I feel I'm too cheeky in my SoP, am I? I am. Is it okay? Usually I'm not, but I think it is the right situation to be. Or not? No idea :(
It's my first serious essay in English ever, so any corrections (grammar especially) are highly appreciated!
- All assignment's subjects are covered, but the size is a tiny bit bigger than 500 words;
- It's all about only one uni right now, so I'm not hiding its name, only local stuff...
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a graduate from the Department of Journalism of the *** University and one of the promising young Russian web media professionals, and I am interested in pursuing a Master's Degree in Media Industries, which will contribute to my professional career immensely.
After my graduation with honours I was recommended for a postgraduate studentship at ***, but I decided to develop professionally in web media and succeeded. During my undergraduate studies I also worked in print and broadcasting media, so I am absolutely sure in my creative writing and presentation skills, but now I want to go further, from the journalism field to executive positions, to work on complex projects with decision-making responsibility. This goal is difficult to achieve with an enormous wish and leadership abilities only, but the MA in Media Industries will help me perfectly.
Considering the course content, I am especially interested in Media Production Analysis. Though I have already read works of Adorno and Horkheimer, Gitlin, Tuchman and some other researchers, I feel that my theoretical knowledge is incomplete, as far as Russian school of journalism is still mainly based on Soviet principles.
It is funny that all top management positions in our company are kept by managers invited from Europe, who know how does the media market function. I am certain that I can learn it, too, and, due to my Russian mentality and huge media experience, can work even more efficiently than them.
During last year I directed the work of the group of designers and programmers (in-house team and freelancers) on the launch of the Web 2.0 sites ***.ru and ***.ru and I have learnt a lot beyond the journalism sphere, including HTML, Java, Flash and other computing skills. My volunteer trip to Georgia with *** Organization provided me with contacts which encouraged me to organise charity events in Moscow, primarily oriented on the young readers of *** magazine from needy families.
Now, while I still enjoy writing articles and doing a technological routine on websites, I really like an organisational work; but, most of all, I miss the study.
To my thinking, the process of training is the most fascinating and rewarding. While at University I always tried to participate in all the courses I found interesting; I attended conferences and wrote scholarly articles. I hope to recall my passion for learning in the University of Leeds. I am aware of its rankings, quality and academical history; I am especially impressed by the LSRfm.com radio station, which I regularly listen to, and the Leeds Student Newspaper as well. My future plans are to take part in various activities in the university and be an active contributing member of the student's community.
As to the location of study, with my endless love of English Literature and British mass media (including the Chris Moyles show), the city of Leeds and its famous redbrick university are my obvious choice.
In conclusion, I know that the ability to understand media business on a global scale will be highly prized. Now, having worked in the industry for more than five years in whole, I feel that I am maturing as a professional and should pursue a postgraduate programme to advance my capabilities. Upon the completion of the Master's degree, I plan to take a worthy place in the fast and amazingly developing Russian web media.
I look forward to hearing from you and thank you in advance for considering my application.
Yours sincerely,
me :) Thanks for your comments!
I'm very impressed with your command of English grammar, because you said you are new to English essay writing... pretty cool, you are a natural writer.
That intro is nicely structured, but what about establishing a theme/thesis? Just to say it will greatly benefit you is not enough... you should give another 1 or 2 sentences in that first paragraph, kind of like an executive summary of a document, to tell the reader what your main idea is. Add a theme/thesis statement to the end of that intro, and make it good, because it's very important! :-)
During last year I directed the---precede this with a topic sentence. Do you know what I mean? This should not be the first sentence of a paragraph. It should be the second sentence. The first sentence of a paragraph should be a topic sentence that tells the main idea of the paragraph.
Those are my 2 criticisms, but in general this is a high quality essay!
Thank you very much Kevin, your criticisms are helpful indeed!
I edited my essay significantly and included the Paragraph-that-makes-sense, I'll put this bit here 'cause somebody could find it important.
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The media policy situation in Russia is well-known, and I was very upset indeed upon hearing of the BBC Russian Service shut-down this week. The best media in Russia nowadays work online and I am proud to be a part of this efficient and trustful stream of infotainment. Obtaining the British postgraduate degree would allow me to become not only a specialist with extensive practical, but academic knowledge as well, thus opening the opportunities in Russian media that were closed heretofore.
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but academic knowledge as well, also ________, thus opening the opportunities in Russian media that were closed heretofore.---I think you should use some other word there.
Also, how about "enable" instead of allow, and I think you should cut out the word indeed.
:-)
