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PS for petroleum engineering graduate program in UTA


bob_home 1 / 2  
Sep 17, 2010   #1
Hi, I just finish this PS for petroleum engineering graduate program in UTA, please help me with modifying it and give me some suggestions, Thx!

People say that "business is the salt of life". Obviously choosing a lifelong career is both important and difficult, but this has never been a hard decision for me. I grew up in a small town in Western China. Due to the energy shortage, electricity failures were frequent there. However, every time when our town was swallowed by darkness, the rig site of PetroChina was always brilliantly illuminated by reserve power just like a glittering palace. For this simple reason, I ingenuously determined to be an oilman. Years later my uncle brought me to visit that rig site. That was when I was enthralled with those giant powerful petroleum production machines by instinct, and started wondering the secrets behind those circling gears and elevating levers. Later that year, facing a university application form, I chose to major in petroleum engineering without hesitation.

Having majored in the petroleum engineering in Southwest Petroleum University,which owns the first-class petroleum engineering speciality, for almost four years. I not only learnt a great deal of specialized knowledge, which include, engineering mechanics, oil reservoir physics, heat and mass transfer, petroleum logging, engineering fluid mechanics, oil production engineering, etc, but also knew that because of the information explosion and globalization, a variety of high-technology derived from different places all around the world have been or will be employed for petroleum industry. Consequently, comprehending such cutting-edge technology ranged from Software Engineering to Bioengineering also becomes the prerequisite of me turning into a competent petroleum engineer in modern era.

Since the researches on hydraulic fracturing and natural gas production in my university are quite advanced, when I chose my prior research directions in junior year I spontaneously focused on these two subdisciplines. Through the generous help from advising professor,the great effort of our research team and lots of hands-on experiments in the state key laboratory, we not only successfully deduced and summarized the formulas which can be utilized for calculating the productivity of gas well with separate-layer hydrofracturing but also developed a related software which can considerably simplify the process of predicting natural gas well production after separate-layer hydrofracturing. After that, our team spent a summer vacation on productive practice in PetroChina when we applied our theoretical research results to practical processing. Currently, I am planning for a further research which will take more different practical conditions into account to perfect those formulas in previous paper.

In my spare time, I usually play soccer with my teammates. Besides football pitch, the library is also a preferred place for me. Those scientific issues and professional periodicals, such as Scientific American, Nature and JPT, are my favorite readings, and through them I began to love and advocate the natural science. Therefore, I had like to label myself with a "NeoDarwinist"

I believe my extensive knowledge, outstanding capabilities of research, prominent mathematical ability and superior logical thinking will lead me into the University of Texas at Austin. Since the United States has taken the leading position on petroleum engineering domain in the world and the petroleum engineering specialty of University of Texas at Austin is ranked top in United States, it is my conviction that, your prestigious university, just like that glittering rig site in darkness fourteen years ago, will introduce me to a more fascinating petroleum world. Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to a fruitful association with your university.

BOB
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Sep 18, 2010   #2
i dont have much to comment on, but maybe change outstanding capa.. to outstanding drive to...
explain a bit more why you label yourself a NeoDarwinist
don't just leave it at "introduce me to"... association sounds stand-off-ish too
a little more energy would look nice. If you can link the idea of salt in the last paragraph, or keep it a theme throughout, that would strengthen that first quote.

Later that year, facing a university application form, I chose to major in petroleum engineering without hesitation.

Later that year, as I faced a ..., <Since I commented on that, I guess you should look over the wording. The

Having majored in the petroleum engineering in Southwest Petroleum University,which owns the first-class petroleum engineering speciality, for almost four years. I not only learnt a great deal of specialized knowledge, which include, engineering mechanics, oil reservoir physics, heat and mass transfer, petroleum logging, engineering fluid mechanics, oil production engineering, etc, but also knew that because of the information explosion and globalization, a variety of high-technology derived from different places all around the world have been or will be employed for petroleum industry.

< long run-on. Make sure you connect your modifiers with the subject.
Ex.. Having eaten a pancake, I was full. NOT Having eaten a pancake, early this morning, I was full. When you write like this, rearrange the noun to go after who did what. I hope this makes sense.
OP bob_home 1 / 2  
Sep 19, 2010   #3
Thank your correction and grammatical explanation very much!! I can see that.

And I'll try to make my run-on sentences more succinct.

Regards
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 19, 2010   #4
I chose to major in petroleum engineering without hesitation.

I like this sentence, because it conveys that certainty, which makes the reader want to see you succeed.

Hey, I like some of this wisdom from Jon. Especially the need for more explanation about neo-Darwinist.

People say, that "Business is the salt of life."
Oh, and you need "as"
to label myself as a "NeoDarwinist."
After this sentence it would be good to cite one or two articles you saw in those journals.
OP bob_home 1 / 2  
Sep 21, 2010   #5
Thank you so much Kevin
:-P Well, that about the "neo-Darwinist" is a little complicated... Since I have know about some main concepts of Chaos, Cosmology and especially Evolution Theory through reading those Scientific books, the neo-Darwinism spontaneously came into me and The Science became my faith( one of the important characteristics of neo-Darwinist).

When metioned the "neo-Darwinist", I wanted to indicate that I will conduct my study as well as scientifc research objective, rigorously and enthusiastically.

I will spend some time transforming my intention about "n-D" into succinct and clear sentences.

Regards
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 25, 2010   #6
Excellent! I hope you do well with it. The thing about the neo-Darwinism... I think my idea was that you need to avoid sounding like you are just tossing out a cool sounding word, and the way to substantiate it is to cite a source (i.e. tell a little about the books.) It does not need to take more than a sentence.


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