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MBA program in USA international business schools - managerial decision making.


marjanf 1 / -  
Jul 24, 2011   #1
hello,
I would appreciate the efforts of all members of this forum, I am planning to apply for MBA program in one of USA international business schools, although I have another MBA specialized in marketing from Iran Tehran university too but I want to get this MBA to find a good job in USA after it, and for that I need to submit a SOP.

I have read so many SOPs, then I wrote this one for myself, but I need to make it so impressive. I would appreciate it if you could help me out. please feel free to give your suggestion and recommendations.

the SOP is here:

I hardly believe in the sentence that says "we live once, but if we live right, once is enough", so, I must choose the right decisions about my education and my career, because they are going to live with me throughout my life and they were, are and will be my loyal friends and help me in achieving my goals in life. I have to choose right to never repent in the future.

If I want to say two of the most distinguished characteristics of mine I would say I am a very active and intelligent person. I am a young woman with technical aptitude and so much interest in management and I really have passion for understanding different cultures in the world. I strongly believe that all these qualities will influence my graduate work.

I think a good education combined with necessary experience equips one with right attitude, freedom and confidence to face the world and its challenges. For this reason, I value education that not only enhance my knowledge and wide my perspective, but also makes me more confident of my capabilities.

After finishing high school I took the entrance exam for university (In Iran it is named Konkoor), my score was in the range of best 1% of all participants, I chose to study Insurance management. After I finished my Bachelor degree I started to work with XXX Insurance Company which is the first private and one of the best insurance companies in Iran, I worked as a sale representative for one year. Cooperating with the company in that post gave me a very good experience in selling and team working. One year later I decided to take the general Insurance representative test, which is for choosing general insurance representatives for all Insurance companies, in the test my result got the second place among all and first place among XXX company applicants. Thereupon, I have continued my cooperation with XXX Company as a general Insurance representative or agent.

During my working I decided to continue my education in MBA- Marketing specialization which could gave me more knowledge about marketing, selling and leadership. I have done my thesis project research in the concept of fulfilling customer satisfaction through value creation in Insurance companies; the title is "Diagnosing value creation status for all risk insurance customers in XXX Company". The project was very heavy and required great thoughts and efforts, but I have achieved valuable results.

After 5 years of experience in team working, selling, training, adjusting selling teams and plans, controlling, leadership and negotiating with customers, now I have came to realized that besides gaining experience in Iran it is important and very useful to be educated and work in a country that is more developed in these field, so, I could gain more confidence in my work and become a more knowledgeable person.

To achieve my goals, I need to learn much more about current developments and techniques in management, international markets, market applications and acquire hands-on experience of management. Another Master's degree in Business Administration in XX International Business School in a developed country will provide me with theoretical understanding and depth idea of practical approaches in aiding managerial decision-making and hence research skills which will enable me to develop an expertise in the core areas of management strategies and global corporate marketing options, I would like to probe in specific problem areas such as application of quantitative analysis to understanding various issues in global management and improving decision making and effects of increase in global communications on international management decisions.

I am imbued with effective communication skills, critical thinking, and better sense of business management creativity and also have admirable and professional experience in this field. Upon completion of program I would like to join a multinational company, where I can apply past experience and business management knowledge gained through this program. I expect to become an influential contributor to the delicate and finer intricacies involved in successfully executing a product and service launch at global level or a vital business project to the industry. I would like to grow as a strategic business negotiator in the area of international marketing.

Ready to enter the global area at this juncture, I want to study MBA in XX International Business School. I promise to put in my best and sincere efforts in meeting the high standards set by the school.

I am positive an really looking forward to an exciting stay at your business school.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 25, 2011   #2
I hardly believe in the expression, "We live once, but if we live right, once is enough," so, I must make the right decisions about my education and my career. because they are going to live with me throughout my life and they were, are and will be my loyal friends and help me in achieving my goals in life. ----The sentence was too long. It was too obvious, too.

I have to choose right to never repent in the future. ----Eerybody can say this! So, do not include it in the essay. Start with A POWERFUL IDEA.

I am a very active and intelligent person.----This is not good enough. Anyone can say this. I think you should talk about your personal philosophy of business, and talk about some books and articles you have recently read.

I am a young woman with technical aptitude and so much interest in management SHOW the interest by discussing what you have been reading.

I think a good education combined with necessary experience equips one with right attitude, freedom and confidence to face the world and its challenges. Do not include stuff like this. It is "fluff." It does nto have real meaning.

You need a plan with several short term goals. What are you reading this week? Maybe it is Blue Ocean Strategy. What is the goal you hope to accomplish this week?

What are the goals you hope to accomplish during your first semester at this school?

Almost all of the essay is fluff. Here is a part that is not fluff:
After 5 years of experience in team working, selling, training, adjusting selling teams and plans, controlling, leadership and negotiating with customers, now I have came to realized that besides gaining experience in Iran it is important and very useful to be educated and work in a country that is more developed in these fields. , so, I could gain more confidence in my work and become a more knowledgeable person. That is a real insight from real experience. It is not fluff.

You should revise the essay so that every sentence is important (not obvious). And also, tell the reader about your plan and about what you have been reading recently.

:-) I'm sorry to be so critical! But it is very important that you learn how to avoid the fluff.
ekekek 25 / 51  
Aug 8, 2011   #3
kevin's suggestions are quite helpful in writing ps.
Marjan Fathinejad, I am struggling in ps,too.
I think you need to add up more details(examples) to support your point.
As my tutor said, sometimes, you don't need to emphases your advantages too straightly, just writing more details are more sensible. ^0^


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