Dear all, i would be happy if you read my essay and give me a feedback.
****************************
Please give an objective description of yourself including your strengths and weaknesses
It is very challenging to write about my own strengths and weaknesses, because sometimes there is a huge gap between what I think I am and what I really am! To get an objective description I tried to ask my friends and colleagues who know me very well that what they think about me.
I think one of my distinguishing strength is the diversity of experiences I possess. I have studied management in the only English language university of Iran and I have more than 5 years of full time and part time work experience at different industries. All these elements have given me a very broad point of view.
While studying at ***, with students from different countries, and working at United Nation High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR), I was exposed to cultural diversities. Those were Valuable experiences which helped me to learn how to work effectively with people from all backgrounds and easily blend with different people to achieve shared goals and optimal results.
In addition, I always try to care about those around me regardless of their wealth or social class. I make an effort to show respect and treat all persons with dignity without distinction whatsoever of race, gender, religion, national or any other distinguishing feature. Working at UNHCR as a humanitarian organization helped me to improve this quality.
It is more than one year I am working as Insurance Expert and I have to support and have communication with over 400 agents. Daily I receive many mails and phone calls so I learned when any conflict occurs, I express my disagreements in constructive ways that focus on the issue and not the person.
My experiences also have taught me that my success strongly depends on my accountability level. Therefore, in any activity, I seek to assume responsibility for the deliverance of high quality outcomes in both good and bad times, and take ownership of all responsibilities within my own role.
By joining a team, I challenge others to excel my sense of community, creative thinking and persistence in finding answers to the questions rather than ignoring them and expect others to do the same. Moreover, I encourage my teammates to explore the problem from different angles in order to come to mutual acceptable compromises and a practical solution to the dispute with a focus on maintaining a functioning work environment. this is the way I trust I can help to maintain a high working standard for a team. Our department successfully could increase its portfolio more than 200% and it was not possible without a high quality team activity.
Like any normal person, I have far and wide weaknesses but the point is that I try to use my strength to overcome my weaknesses.
I get a bad attitude when my colleagues do not do their best or when they do not care about improving procedures to work more effectively because it always has done like that.
I am also too patient. May at the first glance it seems a strength but not about me. I usually try to be patient about bad behavior or mistakes of others instead of talking about it and finally I get angry and reflect in a bad way.
Sometimes since I think I am the only one who can do things right, I can't trust others to delegate my authorities and responsibilities.
I am also frank about my viewpoint. In my culture to be too frank is not appreciated and this trait usually causes many problems for me because it seems I am the only one who disagrees!
Finally I know to have a successful life both in personal and career, I need to know myself. And I am working not only to strengthen my strength but also improve my weaknesses.
Starts with capital letter after a full stop.With a little feedback on the sentence it should be... '' .This is the way I believe could help to maintain the spirit of hardworking in our team... '' instead of .. '' .this is the way I trust I can help to maintain.... ''
Would you mind to clarify the 200% portfolio increase? I mean,is it in a week? A year? 5 years or? Like '' an increase of more than 200% a year... ''
You have a good way to describe your weakness.Bravoo!! Nice work though I think Kelvin would like to say something. :-)
Hi Zeinab1383,
your Essay is really Wow I like the information on it; However, the structure is wrong. I mean in the introduction you need to mention in your thesis statement your weakness and strengthen points . Like my strengthen points are.... ,and my weakness points are ....
you don't have to separate the paragraphs as you have done but put them together. for instance, your 2 Strengthen points could have two paragraphs and your 2 weakness points could two paragraph ( if you have two). then the last paragraph is going to be a summary of your thesis statement and your last comments.
you have some grammar mistakes such as:
what I really I am
(In this sentence I guess you have to use Present perfect) I have had/ gotten more than 5 years of full time and part time work experience at different industries
While I was studying at *** with students from different countries,
maybe is better (blend) = mingle
It is more than one year I have been working as Insurance Expert and I have to support ( if you meant that you still working until now)
It is more than one year I was working as Insurance Expert and I have to support ( if you meant in the past)
not the person = on the person
This Sentence should be at the end in the conclusion as your last comments: Like any normal person, I have far and wide weaknesses but the point is that I try to use my strength to overcome my weaknesses.
I get a bad attitude when my colleagues do not do their best, or when they do not care about improving procedures to work more effectively because it always has done like that.
I usually try to be patient about bad behaviors or mistakes
Finally, I know to have a successful in both personal and career life,...
improve my weaknesses= to improve my weaknesses.
Thank you but I guess when you talk about your achievement or accomplishments you to use present perfect also when you talk about something that you don't want to mention the time of it you have to use Present Perfect.
Moreover, when you talk about something which has possibilities to happen again you should you use Present perfect.
Thus, in this statement he has possibility to work again in different industries in the future, and he is talking about his experience without mentioning the exact time, at the same time using present simple.
I have had/ gotten more than 5 years of full time and part time work experience at different industries
Well, maybe the present perfect is also possible, but I am sure that you can use the present simple because I have read many application letters with similar sentences and I also found a smilar sentence that was being discussed in another forum..., that's why I am sure present simple is possible, but I don't know maybe both are possible ; )
Here are my ideas:
Daily I receive many emails and phone calls so I learned when any conflict occurs, I express my disagreements in constructive ways that focus on the issue and not the person.
Moreover, I encourage my teammates to explore the problems from different angles in order to come to mutual acceptable compromises and practical solutions to the dispute with a focus on maintaining a functioning work environment. This is the way I trust I can help to maintain a high working standard for a team. Our department successfully could successfully increase its portfolio bymore than 200% and it was not possible without a high quality team activity.
I am also frank about my viewpoints. In my culture, frankness is not appreciated, and this trait usually causes many problems for me because it seems I am the only one who disagrees!
Finally , I know to have a successful life both in personal and career, I need to know myself. And I am working not only to strengthen my strength but also improve my weaknesses.
:-)
Dear all, thank you very much for your valued suggestions and comments. They were very helpful. Tomorrow I will send my application! Pray for me!
OK, I will Pray for you!!! I am sure everything will be great!! ; )
it is a very well apllicationan. all the mistakes was coreected by nesreen. hope you win. ;DDD
