How I found my career ambition in Marketing and Communications- SOP for postgraduate application

Hi everyone pls take a look at my SOP as bellow
As Im not a native Im afraid there're a lot of mistakes here and informal expression,
Hope you could find them and also make some advice on the contents.
Thank you sooo much for your opinion!
xoxo

Siqi :)

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PERSONAL STATEMENT

In my perspective, communication is a synthesis of strategies and art.

I've long been fascinated by this industry, curious about prevailing communication practices which bring companies huge business value.

In my undergraduate years I took finance as major. Despite the fact that I managed to get high GPA, I was lacking motivation and incentive. After a period of depression when I suspended all school lessons, I established a twitter public account and shared interesting pieces of thoughts to acquaintances. The more I went on the more attractive it meant to me. Gradually, some of the articles are re-posted by school's official account and won people's love. Meanwhile, I began to notice those exciting campaigns held on online platforms and applications. That's when I found my innate curiosity for communication and media.

I started from accessible resources and accomplished a series of exploration to the industry. Many interesting things happened in this process and I finally got a clearer picture of my choice.

In Year3 I took internship in the local broadcasting station as journalist of economic channel, participating in the whole process of news reporting. I was also the marketing assistant of a foreign business school, handling matters of online news release and student enrollment. Above all, I self-learned skills of creative planning, including copywriting and design, to help better fit into the jobs and better run my own account. Despite the fact I'm in math department, the topic of my final year dissertation was"The use and role of social media in driving innovation". In this research, the traits of socialized transmission inXX district were explored through conversations with dozens of industrial experts and professionals.

After graduation, I was aware that I still lack experience of this field. I postponed applying for Master's degree and made all my way to work in relevant field. I took full time internship in the headquarter of a top 500 company as marketing assistant, supporting the plan and implementation of corporate communication activities. The communication work in a top company is nothing like working for my own social account, however, I made my best to fulfill my responsibility. To be more specific, I served as the bridge between our department and agencies for advertisement shootings. I also supporting social team in brainstorm using my unique insight as an after 90s. To describe my effort, I'd like to quote from my supervisor," Siqi is an innovative and passionate young lady with unique ideas and strong execution ability".

Currently, I'm working in XXX as Associate Intern. I participate in team support issues and have been involved in the whole process of recent promotions of XXX. I've undergone the excitement of accomplishing a project on XX.com and of contacting social accounts for transmission. But also there are awkward and doomed times that I had to rush between events and kept making mistakes.

All those experience gave me a clear picture and enhanced my conviction to choose corporate communication as my career. To be specific, I want to become a professional in communicating and marketing industry. My first five year career goal is to be a Senior Associate in a XX agency, or a digital advertising agency. If there is a good chance I'll join a start-up team afterwards as digital advertising manager. This would be an important step to realize my value and figure out what abilities are absent. In the long run, I want to work in a XX international company and take charge of communicating-related affairs.

The lack of systematic knowledge and the needs to re-think about the industry circle drives me to apply for a postgraduate study in your school. I'm eager to grasp more skills in branding, event planning, consumer behavior study, innovation management and digital advertising. I want to take a close look at the latest practices of international communication. Researching related fields and theory study would also helps a lot. As an internationally-recognized school, your school is a dream place for me to access relevant knowledge and enhance my career. I sincerely hope you could consider my eligibility for application and enroll me as a student of your program.

I'll do all my best to prove my competence. Thank you for your patience and opportunity.

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Hi Siqi, I'd like to share my insights on your essay.
First of all, it's way too long for an SOP, you have segmented your paragraphs to the point that it stretched over too long and it's

loosing it's appeal to the readers.
Let me help you out, one paragraph at a time.

Keep the first 3 segmented sentences below into 1 paragraph
- In my perspective, communication is a synthesis of strategies and art.
- I've long been fascinated by this industry,
- I was lackinglack the motivation and incentiveinitiative .
- After a period of depression when Iand suspended
- and won the people's loveheart .

This is by far the remarks I made on the 1st few paragraphs you have. I'll get back to you for a few more.

Hi Siqi, I'm back for the next 2 more paragraphs.

- In Year3During my 3rd year I took internship in the local
- Above all, I self- learned skills of creative planning,
-to help better fit into the jobs and better runenhance my own accountand be better at my job .
- Despite the fact I'm in math department, the topic of my final year dissertation was"The use and role of social media in driving innovation". In this research, the traits of socialized transmission inXX district were explored through conversations with dozens of industrial experts and professionals.( I'm not sure how beneficial the above statement is for your essay, the thing is it drags your essay out of focus and you have already worked hard to maintain the content of your essay to correspond to the prompt so I don't think if this is a good idea.)

- After graduation, I was aware that I still lackneed a lot more experience of this field.
- I postponed applying formy Master's degree
- and made all my way to worked in a relevant field.
- I also supporting social media team in brainstorming using my
- unique insight as an after 90s .
- To describe my effort, I'd like to quoteI gained a following from my supervisor,
and he said, quote, " Siqi is an innovative and passionate young lady with unique ideas and strong execution ability".

There you have it, the issue that I have in this paragraphs is that the words you use are correct however they are either not in the right place or not in the right format altogether, you have to seriously work on this as it's affecting your essay.

- the excitement of accomplishing aexciting project accomplishments on XX.com
- But also there are awkward and doomed times that I had to rush between events and kept making mistakes.( this sentence is absolutely not necessary)

- The lack ofeagerness to acquire systematic knowledge
- and the needs to re-think about the industry circle drives me to apply for a postgraduate study in your schoolthe institution .
- As an internationally-recognized school, your schoolinstitution, it's a dream place for me
- to have access to relevant knowledge
- I sincerely hope you could consider my eligibility for application and enroll me as a student of your program.It is an honor to be able to send my application to your institution and my great joy to be a part of it eventually.

Siqi, I believe the remark above is the final one, I hope you follow through and I should see the revised one soon.
Good luck!

Thanks for @justivy03 !I'll have a look right now. many many love.

In my undergraduate years I took I was graduated in finance bachelor degree as major . Despite the fact that I managed to get A high GPA, I was lacking OF motivation and incentive. After a period of depression when I suspended all OF school lessons , [.] I established a twitter public account ...

The more I went onCOMMA the more attractive it meant to me.

That'sIS when I found my innate ...

dear, this is the revised version of my SOP. pls have a look and let me know if other things still need revise

Thank you all the time~ : ))

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PERSONAL STATEMENT

In my perspective, communication is a synthesis of strategies and art. I've been fascinated by this intellectually challenging industry, curious about prevailing campaigns and communication practices in our society which bring companies huge business value.

My interest in this field was shaped and elevated in my life experience.I was graduated in Financial mathematics bachelor degree. Despite the fact that I managed to get a high GPA, I lacked motivation and initiative. After a period of depression and suspended all school lessons, I established a Weichat public account and shared interesting pieces of thoughts to acquaintances. The more I went on, the more I find myself enjoying it. Some of the articles are re-posted by school's official account and won the people's heart. Meanwhile, I began to notice the psychological and behavior principles behind those exciting campaigns held on online platforms. That was when I found my innate curiosity for communication and media.

I started from accessible resources and accomplished a series of exploration to the industry. Many interesting things happened in this process and I finally got a clearer picture of my choice.

During my 3rd year I took internship in the local broadcasting station as journalist of economic channel, participating in the whole process of news reporting. I was also the marketing assistant of a foreign business school, handling matters of online news release and student enrollment. Above all, I learned skills of creative planning, including copywriting and design, to enhance my own account and be better at my job. In my 4th year I joined a survey investigating the use of social media in driving innovation in xxx. Through conversations with twenty industrial experts and professionals, we explored the traits of social transmission in xx network.

After graduation, I was aware that I need a lot more experience of this field. Hence, I postponed my Master's degree and worked in relevant field. I took full time internship in the headquarter of a top 500 company as marketing assistant, supporting the plan and implementation of corporate communication activities. The communication work in a top company is nothing like working for my own social account, however, I made my best to fulfill my responsibility. To be more specific, I served as the bridge between our department and agencies for advertisement shootings. I also supporting social media team in brainstorming using my unique insight. I gained a following from my supervisor, and she said, quote, " Siqi is an innovative and passionate young lady with unique ideas and strong execution ability".

Currently, I'm working in xxx as xxx. I participate in team support issues and have been involved in the whole process of recent promotions of xxx. I've undergone exciting project accomplishments on xx and of contacting social accounts for transmission. All those experience gave me a clear picture and enhanced my conviction to choose corporate communication as my career. To be specific, I want to become a professional in communicating and marketing industry. My first five year career goal is to be a Senior Associate in a xxx or PR agency, or a digital advertising agency. If there is a good chance I'll join a start-up team afterwards as digital advertising manager. This would be an important step to realize my value and figure out what abilities are absent. In the long run, I want to work in a Top 500 international company and take charge of communicating-related affairs.

The eagerness to acquire systematic knowledge and the needs to re-think about the industry circle drives me to apply for a postgraduate study in your institution. I'm eager to grasp more skills in branding, event planning, consumer behavior study, innovation management and digital advertising. I want to take a close look at the latest practices of international communication. Researching related fields and theory study would also helps a lot. As an internationally-recognized institution, your school is a dream place for me to have access to relevant knowledge and enhance my career. It is an honor to be able to send my application to your institution and my great joy to be a part of it eventually.I'll do all my best to prove my competence. Thank you for your patience and opportunity.

Hello Siqi let me try to give some recommendations on your passage



thanks, hope it can help