Hellow everybody,
I am not a native speaker, so I may make some grammer errors. And I am not sure the content answers the prompt well or it is proper to say this things.
Thank you for your time and suggestions.
Bellow is the prompt:
How have your background and life experiences, including cultural, geographical, financial, educational or other opportunities or challenges, motivated your decision to pursue a graduate degree at the University of Michigan?
For example, if you grew up in a community where educational, cultural, or other opportunities were either especially plentiful or especially lacking, you might discuss the impact this had on your development and interests. This should be a discussion of the journey that has led to your decision to seek a graduate degree.
My essay:
I grew up in a community where educational opportunities are especially lacking. Both my parents did not go to formal universities in China. I was the first one in my family who received undergraduate education from formal university. I got a bachelor degree, and am planning to go on graduate study.
Further more, my family is in a financial hardship. My parents' monthly salary is less than 400 dollars and my hometown belongs to The Chinese Poorest Town List. The burden to take care of the old grandparents is heavy. Both of my grandparents do not have any incomes. The worse thing is that my grandfather broke his leg this year and he could not walk in wheels and can not take care of himself. Even though, my parents fully support me to pursue my dream. These hardships shape me into a strong and determined person.
My parents taught me to achieve excellent and this can be deduced from my strong academic records. 10 percent of the high school students got admitted to key universities in our town. I will never forget that time that I prepare College Entrance Exams. I burned mid-night oil and got up early. In the winter, getting up at five o'clock is always hard for the coldness. Everyday before I went to bed, I took off my cloth in one room and left my alarm clock behind them. Then I went to bed in the other room. The next morning, when the alarm rings, I got up to stop it and at the same time I asked myself to put on my clothes. Just like the old saying goes, no pain, no gain. I jumped form top 130 to top 10 in my high school. I got to know that my potential is limitless.
I went to Beijing, the biggest city in China with abundant resources. In Beijing, I learned advanced biology knowledge and got to know the way to further study in US. But I didn't decide to go on with biological science until I got to know one thing--I enjoy making discoveries. I obtain a lot of happiness in the lab and I am committed to make important contributions. Once I read a biography from a scientist. He compared himself as a child who plays on the sea bench. Occasionally, he picked up some beautiful shells and every shell will bring him great pleasure. He believes, if he had one chance to have another life, he would choose scientific research as his life-time career. I was shocked and moved. These words reveal the pleasant memory in my mind. The research experience in Dr. Xu's lab and in Dr. C' lab recalled to me. I am always the simplest and happiest one in the lab. I like the achievement of overcoming obstacles. I am destined to be a scientist.
In University of Michigan, I can learn to get along with different background people, and I can receive first class education. I believe with my commitment, my potential and my diligent, I can achieve success in University of Michigan.
Dear Han,
I grew up in a community where educational opportunities are especially lacking scarce or scanty. Both my parents did not got a chance to attend the university or were not able to attend the university go to formal universities in China . I was am the first one in from my family who received undergraduate education from formal an university. I got a have completed my bachelor degree, and am planning to go on for a graduate study.
Dear Friend,
I will tell you that please take help from some of your friend who is good at english to modify this essay because there is a lot of issue with this. I don't want to discourage you, and I appreciate your courage and determination, but you try your best from your side since everybody will be having limited time. After this you can send this to me on my personal mail(rajesh_aaidu@yahoo.co.in) or upload here and give me a reminder.
I am extremely sorry for giving this kind of harsh criticism.
Thanks!!!
