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"to become a director" - Personal statement for Masters in Public Administration


njmax4 1 / 2  
Jul 12, 2010   #1
Hello,

I am applying to an MPA program in the fall and I have written up this personal statement. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

In your personal statement discus how the MPA will influence your career choices?

Different stages and experiences in life influence the choices that lead to the next. In grade school parents have great influence in the choices one makes, in high school peers have a great deal of influence, and the first couple of years of college influence the last two. Teaching at-risk youth for the past year has influenced my choice to pursue my master's work in public administration.

This past year has had an incredible impact on my life and career choice in three different ways. First, working with at-risk youth has given me the opportunity to combine my passion of history and helping others into a successful career. Second, the challenges I faced throughout this past year have made me into a stronger more assertive person that seeks challenges and thrives under pressure. Finally, I have experienced the challenges that arise when the public sector meets the privet sector and there is a lack of proper leadership. The combination of these experiences had a direct influence on my educational and career objectives.

My educational objective is to combine the management aspect of the Rutgers MPA program with the technical skills from the NJIT information systems program and walk away with a Masters in Public Administration with a concentration in information systems. In order to meet this objective I have enrolled in a computer science certificate program at a community college to develop a foundation that will allow me to succeed in the information systems track at NJIT. An MPA degree with a concentration in information systems will help me create a bridge that will deliver educational ideas efficiently and productively with the proper use of technology.

My career objective is to combine my educational background with the MPA degree and become the director of the school I currently work in. I envision my leadership transforming the program into an alternative track school that emphasizes on literacy development through the use of technology and real world business management application. I know admission to the Rutgers MPA program will help me meet my objectives and provide me with the tools needed to influence the lives of those that needed most.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Jul 13, 2010   #2
Hi Max

Can you be slightly more specific as to what challenges you faced while teaching?

I think you need a couple of commas here:
In grade school, parents have great influence in the choices one makes, in high school, peers have a great deal of influence, and the first couple of years of college influence the last two

Avoid repetition of a particular phrase (e.g. past year). Write the sentence in a way that eliminates the repeated phrase.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 14, 2010   #3
Simplify for power:
Each of life's experiences influences the choices that lead to future experiences.

Lets add a sentence of explanation:
...couple of years of college influence the last two. My recent experience and decision demonstrate this principle. Teaching at-risk youth for the...

...educational background with the MPA degree and become the director of the school in which I currently work.

This has great detail about your plan for the future. I see some important observations from Ershad, but overall I think it's a solid essay! If possible, it is great to add even more specific about your vision for the future.

This sentence Ershad added commas to... I think you could just omit it altogether:

Each of life's experiences influences the choices that lead to future experiences. In grade school, parents have great influence in the choices one makes, in high school, peers have a great deal of influence, and the first couple of years of college influence the last two My recent experience and decision demonstrate this principle. Teaching at-risk youth for the...


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