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"my Bachelor's in Accounting" - my admission into graduate school


jlemieux47 1 / 1  
Feb 16, 2012   #1
Hello,

Here is my accounting essay to get into graduate school. I would like to get some advice and comments in the beginning part of the essay. Please read and let me know what you think.

Best Regards,

Jackie

As a recent graduate from Bryant University, with my Bachelor's in Accounting, I received a well-rounded education in accounting, complemented by a minor in history. During my final semester, I became interested in financial planning after choosing an elective. My interest into financial planning grew even more with current economic instability. I feel that if I expand my knowledge I will be able to help others succeed as I would like to.

After graduation, I started to work at a fragrance, flavor and extract plant. I started as a lab technician, but was not limited to only working in the lab. I am currently helping the company change operating systems, by inputting the necessary data into QuickBooks.

I chose Sacred Heart University's MBA program because it prepares students to excel in a global business environment. Admission to the Sacred Heart University school of business will allow me pursue and achieve all of my goals with confidence. Additionally, I feel that living at home with allow me to focus on my school work and rid any distractions that's could arise.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 18, 2012   #2
My interest into financial planning grew even more with the onset of the current economic instability.

Additionally, I feel that living at home with allow me to focus on my school work and rid any distractions that's could arise .---Are you saying that the school is local, so you won't have to move or travel, or that you live with your parents? The last sentence seems out of place. I think you should either elaborate on it or cut it.

:)


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