Nice essay there kimberlyn.
My goal is to apply my knowledge of both fields of environmental science and communication in order to aid in the promotion of more environmentally responsible business and governmental practices.
You are going to do a masters in Env. Management. You have to learn more so, modify slightly.
My undergraduate coursework in geology and an alternative energy incites course engendered my interest in an environmental career.
This sentence looks faulty. coursework in geology and an alternative energy incites course?
Learning how the world is impacted by man-kind and how to reduce that impact has become a major interest of mine.
I am particularly interested in knowing how human activities affect the environment and how can we reduce the harmful effects. You can restructure along these lines.
The impression I get is that it is your first draft. You can work on your ideas a bit more. Whatever assertion you make, remember to substantiate it by giving supporting argument, Example etc.
Pay attention to structure and flow, remove some errors and ur essay is ready.
Regards.