Would you review my statement of purpose? I think something personal is missing in this essay, how should I add something which is more personal than work experiences or research interests?
Having completed my undergraduate degree and tasted research briefly in MSc, as the next step along my career path, I am applying for admission to the Ph.D. program in Computer Science in order to get involved deeply in research and be prepared for teaching and research-based careers. I have the ambition of utilizing my research skills and knowledge to create wealth for my society. My undergraduate studies, research projects, work and teaching experiences, teamwork experience, and personal interests all support my decision to study Computer Networks and leads me to believe that I will be successful both as a Ph.D. candidate and later as a researcher in an academic milieu.
When I was a junior, as the final project of Computer Networks course, I developed a java-based simulator of AODV protocol (available on my homepage) with the goal of demonstrating on-demand routing protocols in wireless networks. While it was a great chance for me to get acquainted with wireless networks, it was not until next semester that I started the research on mobility models in ad-hoc networks. MobiSim is a mobility generator, evaluator, and analyzer application, which was written for my BSc final project. I tried to implement my knowledge of object-oriented design and software patterns to make it modular and extendable as much as possible. After using it for analyzing mobility models and publishing four papers about application of mobility models in ad-hoc networks, I shared it on sourceforge.net website to be used by other researchers all around the world. This project helped me learn software development tools such as version control software and supporting sites. Finding computer networks enchanting intrigues me to get Advance Computer Networks course, which is a graduate course, in undergraduate as an extra credit and pursue computer networks field in MSc program.
Being introduced to P2P networks by a Ph.D. student in Digital Media Laboratory, I have found P2P video streaming a challenging and fascinating field. I found out that I could utilize my knowledge of ad-hoc networks in this field thanks to some similarities of two fields. Besides, I gained knowledge of multimedia networks by implementing a video streaming application on P2P networks. I did a comprehensive survey on P2P live video streaming protocols and proposed a new hybrid P2P protocol with the goal of streaming live layered video. During this project, I learned how to work with OMNET++ simulator and its related packages. Then, I developed an additional module in it for simulating streaming applications on P2P networks.
From my sophomore year, I had involved in a part-time job in AICTC, which is a research-based technology center in Sharif University of Technology. I worked in the field of distant education and its related technologies there. I became familiar with uPortal educational portal and HyperContent CMS, which is widely used in Columbia University and Payam Noor University in Iran. By working along with studying in undergraduate program, I learned how to manage time and maintain a balance between courseworks and job tasks. Working in team, not necessarily with academic members, and dealing with real customers' concerns are the harvest of my work experience.
Besides my experience in presenting workshops in my part-time job, I tried teacher assistantship of many courses to satisfy my desire to pass my knowledge down. I, however, want to mention only two of them which have something more than teaching experience for me. Computer workshop is a preliminary course in our university, which helps freshmen to acquire computer skills they need during their undergraduate study. It was an invaluable experience to have a close contact with freshmen and help them become familiar with the new environment of University. Being TA for Object-Oriented Analysis and Design course taught by Dr. yyy for three semesters, I became skilled at planning and managing the software project of up to 15 groups. I wondered how I could help succeeding TAs use experiences of these semesters and not start from scratch. Therefore, I wrote a document to guide succeeding TAs to know how to design a semi-RUP methodology for students to do their project based on it and to manage deadlines of projects to be in accordance with course pace.
Every boy in my country must participate in military service for two years. However, because of my top rank and research background in undergraduate program, government considered me as a member of scientific elite group and let me do research instead of it during the first year of my graduate study. Having had my adviser permission, I worked on a semi-technical project which was about security issues in design of a search engine. We produced a document about security considerations, which organizations should notice in search engine design of their websites. How to communicate with non-academic officeholders and do a project with a strict plan are precious acquired skills surely helping me accomplish industrial projects in the future.
Being familiar with mobile ad-hoc networks, wireless multi-path routing, P2P networks, and multimedia networks, I want to pursue my Ph.D. degree in computer networks. While I did not have the chance to work on real-world applications in my previous researches, I want to wrestle real-world problems in this field, have a close contact with tangible equipments not only simulation environments, and see the result of my researches in industry.
I have found that ... university is one of the topmost universities in the world, particularly in the computer science field. However, what makes me to choose it to follow my education in is its great network labs with its up-to-date research facilities and the diverse but profound courses presented in the curriculum. Moreover, I have seen the research interests and some publications of faculties of CS department in the field of computer networks and have found my objectives in accordance with interests of the faculties, especially, of professor xxx, yyy, and zzz. One last attracting point about ... University is the cultural diversity of the students, making it a natural choice for someone who was not born in USA. In conclusion, I do hope that I'II be given a fair chance to realize my objectives by being granted an admission. I look forward for a long and mutually beneficial relationship with the University.
%I will adjust this for each university
I have found that ... university is one of the topmost universities in the world, particularly in the computer science field. However, what makes me to choose it to follow my education in is
- Lab: its great multimedia/network labs with its up-to-date research facilities
- Curriculum: the diverse but profound courses presented in the curriculum
- Industry link: <I don't know how can I acclaim industry link>
- Advisor: My advisors recommended me of your university on the basis of faculty interests and the research work currently in progress
- Alumni: My advisor, ABC, recommended ... University, as he is alumni of it.
- Faculty: I have seen the research interests and publications of CS department faculties in the field of computer networks and found most of them in accordance with my objectives, especially, of professor xxx, yyy, and zzz.
- Cultural Diversity: Besides the university has students from 130 countries, this cultural diversity made it a natural choice for someone who was not born in USA.
In conclusion, I do hope that I'II be given a fair chance to realize my objectives by being granted an admission. I look forward for a long and mutually beneficial relationship with the University.
Hi Masoud,
I understand what you mean about your SOP. Even with programs that are not ostensibly geared toward leadership, 'teaming' and 'soft skills,' it is necessary to convey a sense of humanity and personality in your SOP. You want to show that you will be an active contributor and fill a critical niche within any program.
One idea is to open with more of a personal hook. You give a great 'kernel' of personal history a few paragraphs in--mentioning that you were pinpointed as part of a group of elite scientists. How did this ability manifest earlier in your life? What attracted you to this field, on a fundamental or high level? How has your career always been driven by research and innovation--has a PhD always been your long-term goal? The more you can get at the intellectual passion that underpins your ambitions, the more 'humanity' can be conveyed in this SOP.
In your final paragraph, do your best to integrate the bullet points into a cohesive paragraph. (Perhaps you plan to do this.) This statement should showcase your ability to communicate in a seamless, sophisticated manner, and 'bullet points' show a lack of real synthesis. How will this specific program build on your career interests? Be sure to include the names of specific faculty members, and show how their research relates to your interests in some way. What about the 'culture' at this specific school and nature of the program--how will your real-world teamwork experience be valuable?
There are a number of minor mechanical issues that emerge throughout this SOP: issues with subject verb agreement, use of articles, etc. I would recommend consulting the help of a native English speaker to systematically go through your essay to polish these errors.
Great work so far--but hopefully these suggestions will help you to craft an introduction and conclusion that do a better job at humanizing your SOP and application.
Sincerely,
Janson
Thank you Janson. I really appreciate that you replied my question so fast. Thank you again.
I have revised my essay, especially, the last paragraph according to your suggestions. However, now that I read my essay I doubt there is something wrong in words where I highlighted. Would you check the highlighted words?
Having completed my undergraduate degree and tasted research briefly in MSc , as the next step along my career path...
While it was a great chance for me to get acquainted with wireless networks...
Finding computer networks enchanting intrigues me to get Advance Computer Networks course...
I found out that I could utilize my knowledge of ad-hoc networks in this field thanks to some similarities of two fields . Besides, I gained knowledge of multimedia networks by implementing a video streaming application on P2P networks.
However, what makes me to choose it to follow my education in is its great network labs with its up-to-date research facilities ...
... and have found my objectives in accordance with interests of the faculties, especially, of professor xxx, yyy, and zzz.
Hi Masoud,
As far as the words in red:
-MSc: don't use the abbreviation--expand it to reflect your full degree
-'to get acquainted'-->could be more concise-->'to explore'
-'Finding computer networks enchanting intrigues me'--->'Developing new computer networks prompted me to enroll in...'
-'However, what makes me to choose it to follow my education in is its...'-->again, just keep it concise and get to the point--->'The 'Name Of School' Networks lab foster cutting-edge research...'
There are other mechanical issues in this piece of writing which will require more of a close inspection and analysis, but again, I recommend you consult a native English speaker for a comprehensive edit.
With your introduction, I would still challenge you to think beyond 'creating wealth for society' as your future ambition. What do you think your research can really contribute? What impact do you hope to have on your students--at the end of the day, what really ignites your passion for this field? Just a few hints.
I hope this helps you Masoud, and I wish you all the best!
Cheers,
Janson
