Please explain your short-term goals and how the ethics based education at Loyola will help you achieve them. (Essay is along these lines, actual prompt on the website is down at the moment)
Any help with this essay would be greatly appreciated!
Each day, as the school bus would drop me off at my father's pharmacy, I would seize the opportunity to learn his business. During this time, my understanding of retail, commerce and basic economics flourished at an early age. Within the setting of a small family business in a small local community, I learned the importance relationships and ethics have on a successful operation. Since my earliest days in the pharmacy, I knew I wanted to be finely attuned with the delicate workings of the art of commerce in some form and with each passing day, I realized that the world of finance was my ultimate interest. As I progressed through college, I endeavored in coursework that led me to a career in finance. After graduation, I sought a position with a start-up company in their corporate finance department and ultimately transitioned into a career with Merrill Lynch in wealth management. Moving forward, I want to position myself for a role with greater macroeconomic responsibility. Thus, it is my desire to transition these past experiences into a position within investment banking - a role that will ultimately lead me to a position with a large hedge fund. A Master's in Finance from the Quinlan School of Business will afford me the skills necessary to be a competitive and successful candidate to achieve this goal.
To achieve a tangible future, you must first have a clear vision on how to attain that end. To clearly focus on my ambitions, I have progressed through a ladder of small hurdles - each one moving me closer to my goal. First, my undergraduate career was filled with coursework focusing on economics, corporate finance, portfolio management theory and statistical modeling. During this tenure, I engaged in an internship with Morgan Stanley in their wealth management division, where I connected shareholders with capital markets to achieve personal investing goals. Invigorated with passion after this internship, I claimed a seat in a selective portfolio management program. In this program of twenty analysts, I was elected to lead the rebalancing effort of $3.2 million in live funds during 2008 - the most turbulent economy since the Great Depression. Under my leadership, the team championed first place for the eighth consecutive year at two national portfolio management competitions.
Staying on course, I graduated and was invited to join Ferapod Inc., a start-up cloud-computing company. I pursued this as an exciting opportunity to be part of the development of a competitive firm in a rapidly developing field. Here, I was exposed to many of the tenets of private equity, including pro-forma modeling, growth projection analysis, and assisting in completing private offering memorandums and investor relation materials. After showcasing my abilities with Ferapod Inc., I joined a private wealth management team with Merrill Lynch.
As a financial analyst with Merrill Lynch for nearly two years, I have been responsible for the proper rebalancing and risk management of a $270 million portfolio. Through my extensive research and the use of various technical and fundamental models, I am able to identify deep value in mispriced securities. It is this diligence that has led me to desire a greater deal of responsibility and to be more intimately involved with transactions on a much larger scale. As I have learned the metrics that drive the demands of high-net and ultra-high net worth households, I want to apply my experiences with the education from Quinlan School of Business on a more panoramic framework and work more intimately with institutions and their clients. Thus, I am eager to maintain a position with an investment bank and ultimately, a hedge fund because of the opportunity to learn about the overall economy from a bottom-up approach.
Having attended Catholic school for the entirety of my secondary education, the value of ethics has been impressed upon me in addition to the values taught by my father in his family business. When seeking opportunities within finance, a major concern was the morality behind my employer. The virtue of my group treats each client relationship with the highest regard for trust, ethic, and integrity. At Merrill Lynch, our group is defined by the sincerity in our client-relationships. The Quinlan School of Business continually ranks as the strongest program in business ethics in the nation. In an industry that has recently been illuminated by some unscrupulous behavior, I feel it is more important than ever to seek an education consistent with morality and principles. Being centered in the heart of Chicago, along with the reputation of Loyola University behind me, your institution would provide all the essential tools I need to realize my vision.
Hello,
Your revision essay is much better as it somewhat quantified your working experience. The question that I was left with, and I am sure the admissions committee will ask is; "Shouldn't this applicant apply to an MBA program." There are many reasons why someone at your level will select a Masters of Finance over an MBA and these should be addressed. In your essay you write as though you want to switch from a general finance role into a front office style trading job. This, to anyone will signal MBA. If you feel that you cannot successfully apply to a top MBA program, you should make this essay focus more on the areas within finance that this program will help you strengthen. Talk about the classes and how you will apply lessons learned once you graduate. -AAO
Hope this helps
