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"to provide healthcare to families in rural areas" help, Physician Assistant essay


trinamr7 1 / -  
Aug 24, 2010   #1
Hey guys, I am writing my essay for PA and have finished my rough draft. I would appreciate any criticism. Please help.

It was the summer of 2006, while covering my weekly On-call rotation. I received a call from my son's football coach. He had been in an accident where he had broken his leg while making a touchdown. I didn't know if I should have been exciting or scared. Frantic, I rush home to see for myself how bad it was. We immediately drove to the emergency room. While there they took x-ray of his leg. Just what we had expected he had broken his tibia. We were given a referral to the orthopedic clinic for the next morning. While sitting in the exam room in walks PA Amy. She immediately introduced herself and asked if I would be comfortable with her taking care of my son. Amy seemed a bit nervous at first because Brian (my son) was one of her first patients. She spoke with compassion and knowledge, while explaining that he would need to have surgery to stabilize his leg. The next morning, while being prepped for surgery, Amy again was the first physician we saw. She took the time to explain the procedure and answered every question we had. Amy provided me as the mother with comfort and reassurance that she would try her best to make sure everything would be fine and that she would keep me posted. While in recovery Amy was there being an advocate for my son's care. I was previously contemplating returning back to school to become a physician or physician assistant. It wasn't until I met Amy when I knew that PA was the right career path I wanted to take. As a PA, I will be able to provide compassion and support and be an advocate for my patients. Some doctors usually have a vast amount of patients that need to be seen that they sometimes cannot provide that personal care. PA 's provide the personal support which allows the patient to receive that "total" care that he/she deserves.

My path to becoming a PA started in 2009. It was a time in my life where my children were old enough to take care of themselves with little guidance from me. I sat at the kitchen table to map out a 5 year plan. I knew that I needed to attend 2 different schools to complete my bachelor's in a 2 year time period. I attend Prairie State College to obtain current science courses. Biology and Chemistry. While attending Prairie State I was also enrolled at Governor's State University to complete my Bachelor's degree while working as a student worker. I have had some bumps in the road, but my determination has brought me to this point where I am able to graduate in May 2011 with my Bachelor's of Arts with a minor in Chemistry.

June 2010, I had the privilege to shadow my physician at the Pilsen homeless clinic. I obtained valuable information on providing that total care as well as learning how to perform history and physicals. Since 2009 my life has been a wonderful chaotic ride. I knew that in order for me to maintain I needed a hobby that would allow me with a creative outlet to relieve stress. I started making handmade soaps and resin jewelry. My new found hobby allowed me to express myself and provided me with and outlet to relieve stress. I didn't want my new found passion for crafts to go to waste, so I contracted with my local park district to teach a class on soap making to children and adults.

I am a firm believer in giving back to my community. Joining Epsilon Sigma Alpha, an organization that provide leadership and service to the community, will allow me to give back to the community. My plans are to start my own chapter in my community where I can provide mentors to children in need of a positive role model.

Becoming a PA will not only allow me to share my compassion and personability to my patients. It will put me in position to continue my leadership and service to my community. My goal after I graduate as a PA is to open up a free clinic to provide healthcare to families in rural areas who normally would not or cannot afford to pay for medical expenses.
TutorPhil - / 14  
Aug 24, 2010   #2
Look, Petrina.

I think that this is a perfect admissions essay.
First of all, the whole thing is a personal story, which is nice.
It also begins with a more specific personal story (making it even more personal and touching).
Really, this is so much better than most people's essays that are so often written in fancy language and lack a heart.
Maybe, get rid of the hobby part - it has nothing to do with being a PA. And you already are very open and sincere in this essay. Yes - those people want to know more about you, but the part about handmade soaps, etc., may be a little too personal, and they may not care. Being relevant is key.

Other than that - don't change a word.

Phil


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