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'preparing for this career' - Statement of Purpose - Grad. School in Education


mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 6, 2012   #1
Need help. Below is an essay and a given topic. Please provide any suggestions or comments for editing and improvements.

The statement of purpose is a double-spaced, two to three page statement explaining your purpose in undertaking graduate study in your particular program. This is your opportunity to introduce yourself and to inform the Admissions Committee about your goals, interests, and career plans as they relate to your intended academic pursuits.

Twenty years ago, when I came home from school, my mother was at the door waiting for me, to deliver a message that changed my line of work today: Your cousins won't be back at the apartment anymore. It's just you and your sister with us. Then and there, I had to take the responsibility of becoming a guardian, a mentor, and a teacher to my sister. Later on, my father stepped forward to say that my aunts, his cousins whom I will be meeting soon are Autistic. My six years in the field of education has ascertained my commitment to teach. Welcoming my interest to teach children, who are academically challenged and underprivileged in some areas, has risen to become my greatest passion.

I began preparing for this career as a teacher assistant at NSSED. Primarily, my achievement during this teaching term was resourced on the need to dispense the use of consistent prompts as an impermanent solution to keep each student routinely on their task daily. This strategy has become a fundamental element to my skill in achieving a way to motivate each student. I tackled to monitor the students' progress during in class assignments and completed various instructional duties in collaboration with staff or myself alone. Immersed with the variety of assignments I had accepted, I did not feel overwhelmed, but more as rewarded. Knowing that at the end of the day that each student learned better ways to work with out disruptions, that was my prided work.

For a short period of time, I have departed away from the instructional setting to another field that was less formal. My job involved performing home base coaching and tutoring that included child care duties. It included some academic assistance at a smaller scale. I spent my summer days coaching a thirteen year old with his pitching while helping a seven year old with some reading. I would read books to help the six year old learn new words and vocabulary. Surely, five boxes of markers and an array of post it notes used on a write board for vocabulary jeopardy was a marvel.

In my present position as Paraprofessional at Wilson, my primary role was to assist the certified teacher in the classroom. More so, I dealt with making intangible task into tangible task. They ranged from teaching basic math to word order form as well as bead stringing for fine motor. One of the best techniques that I had was to dispense error correction procedures to reduce total number of resulting mistakes on a student's performance. When student A completes a series of puzzle sets, an error happens, I precede with modifications on the spot that will ___ student A for a better understanding of the material preceding that error correction. Imperative as it is, I ascertain the students' needs as it captures preferences recommended for the teacher to address towards their academic needs. These uses of various styles to the approach of class instruction really stimulate my desires to delve into teaching.

Advancing my knowledge in education in pursuit of my academic goals is due partly of my experiences and passion. Distinctively, I wish to use this knowledge to enhance the classroom environment with an application of today's current developments in teaching techniques.

The curriculum for the Master's program would allow me to be more acquainted in the field. This will allow me to see different ways I could develop more techniques. I like the field work requirements in the program as this will allow me to foster new ideas for future development of an academic lesson.

[end]
Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 7, 2012   #2
Hi! Here is some ideas.

my mother was at the door waiting for me with a message that....
responsibility as a guardian, a mentor....
I prepared myself for this career...
At last day to know, that each student learned better way to work without disruptions, was my prided work.

u can use departure or moved or i decided to move...instead of....departed.

Hope u like these ideas, but overall your essay is awesome.
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 7, 2012   #3
Thanks Jiya for taking the time to read my essay.

When you wrote all those sentences, I found I threw million of ideas in different directions. I didn't really followed my outline, but somehow, I was able to write more without it.

Can you tell me if the essay is in good grammar form? Did it flow well?
chalumeau /  
Apr 7, 2012   #4
Dear Michael,

I enjoyed reading through the Statement of Purpose.
I would correct the entire statement, but I feel as though
there's more that you haven't said.
Look at how I rephrased the 1st paragraph and see if
you can come up with more specifics in the body paragraphs.

How do you talk? I feel as though you are trying to use words that
you don't normally use. I think everyone at some time has this problem.
Try to use words that you fully understand. If you want to revise the
statement using words you would say, that's ok too. I can help there.

Education jargon (or what you think is education jargon) won't get you accepted.
You saying clearly what you have done in a classroom may give you a better shot.
Is this elementary ed? special ed? I don't think they will take points off for missing
big words in these programs. I think they want kind, caring, patient individuals.



OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 8, 2012   #5
HI chalumeau,

Thank you for the input. This is just my initial rough draft. I just typed it out to get my visual ideas on paper and the topics that flowed right through my mind.

I appreciate your help. I'll edit it and repose a the edited composition soon.
Jiya 6 / 18  
Apr 8, 2012   #6
Slam! Michael, Actually i'm a student n English is not my native language, it's my second language so i'm not expert in it. But as much i know, i think your grammar is also good and especially one thing which i like is that "your way to organize the ideas" is very good.

Thanks.
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 8, 2012   #7
HI Jiya,

Actually after reading Chalumeau's edits. Wow, I had written some terrible sentences.

Chalumeau, I'm working to get the new essay version for a review.
Thanks
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 8, 2012   #8
At the age of nine, I had to take on the responsibilities of a guardian, a mentor, and a teacher both to my sister. I had to accept the roles due to the fact that my mother had told me that from here on end, your cousins will not be living with us anymore. I came to acknowledge the fact my future goals will be changing later on in time.

Eventually, I grew to love teaching children with developmental disabilities and financial difficulties.

I began preparing for a career as a teacher's assistant at NSSED. My primary responsibilities were maintaining discipline and assisting students with difficulties. One of the ways I kept order in the classroom is to engage the students enthusiastically. Through my student - teacher interaction, I was able to create a dynamic connection with the students to make their learning a much more entertaining process rather a perplexing thought. I became involved in outsourcing projects that help students make use of team building strategies. I employ most of my past sporting techniques in application to providing assistance to students with social disorder.

I continued the path in teaching students with disabilities as a paraprofessional at Wilson. It was in this employment that I found my true passion for education. I accepted an even wider variety of roles than before. My one-to-one assignment with a student provided me with a direct insight to the different uses of teaching techniques that were introduced to me. One of the greatest techniques I treasure through this assignment was the practical use of "manding" for non verbal interactions. It was a true marvel in that after a series of sequential trials, the student gained true understanding of the concept. I was motivated to provide "manding" tasks to improve the students' performance skill. It was a rewarding sight to see that through good techniques and teacher motivation, a student could learn.

In my forgoing effort to provide a good environment for each student, I also have placed a great emphasis towards the understanding of special needs of a student under the umbrella of Autism.

Upon completion of the education program at the University, I plan acquire a multitude of educational strategies while gaining literacy in all areas of education. As part of my short term goals, this include gaining additional knowledge base in social behavior issues and techniques, getting exposure to urban school setting for experience, and gaining additional foundations in the field of education.

As a long term goal, I plan to advance my position as a teacher assistant to a certified teacher with provisional requirements in the State of New York.

Here is an edit of the essay fro above.
alisher_93 1 / 4  
Apr 9, 2012   #9
hi there, im not also native but i will try my best))
Dear, look, i guess u have organized ur essay well,
but it seems to me there are still lack of details after thesis or statement sentences.
It would be better to answer for the following questions:

- how did it affect?
- why did u do it?
- what did it give you as an experience that helped in further some situation
- besides, teaching, what is the main point of being teacher, maybe u have born willing? how did u show it except bellowed story
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 9, 2012   #10
Greetings Alisher,

Wow, thank you for providing me with those question. I never taught to look at it that way. It DID HELP. A LOT. I am so glad you had the chance to read it. I'm not A++ writer, but as nerdy as it sounds, I want to be. I will repose an edited version soon. Hope you get to read it again for another check up on errors or vague usage of language.

Oh, is the essay below much better by sound than the essay above?

:)
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 10, 2012   #11
At the age of nine, I had to take on the responsibilities of a guardian, a mentor, and a teacher to my sister. I had to accept the roles due to the fact that my mother had told me that from here on end, your cousins will not be living with us anymore. I came to acknowledge the fact my future goals will be changing later on in time.

Unemployed Saw a wanted ad with a description of, Individual who enjoys working with children, able to multi-task, and doesn't mind working with children who are challenged. Yet, that was me. For get business, I was done with the business world. I rather have the long hours in a school building than in an office cubicle.

I began preparing for a career as a Teacher's Assistant at NSSED. My primary responsibilities were maintaining discipline and assisting students with difficulties. One of the ways I kept order in the classroom is to engage the students enthusiastically. Through my student - teacher interaction, I was able to create a dynamic connection with the students to make their learning a much more entertaining process rather a perplexing thought. I came to like the work I conduct at NSSED because it touched my spirit as a teacher, taught me to asses different situations while staying in poised, and grabbed my attention at all times. As an added (how do you say when someone wants to volunteer more of their time in other works than just there duties) I moved on to participate in outsourcing projects that help students make use of team building strategies. I employ most of my past sporting techniques in application to providing assistance to students with social disorder.

I continued the path in teaching students with disabilities as a Paraprofessional at Wilson. It was in this employment that I found my true passion for education. My responsibilities in conducting I accepted an even wider variety of roles than before. My one-to-one assignment with a student provided me with a direct insight to the different uses of teaching techniques that were introduced to me. One of the greatest techniques I treasure through this assignment was the practical use of "manding" for non verbal interactions. It was a true marvel in that after a series of sequential trials, the student gained true understanding of the concept. I was motivated to provide "manding" tasks to improve the students' performance skill. I was working with a student on a task and after a period of time, I looked at the clock, it ws time for lunch. That three hours of work session felt like it was only 3 minutes. I enjoyed it.

It was a rewarding sight to see that through good techniques and teacher motivation, a student could learn.

Eventually, I grew to love teaching children with developmental disabilities and financial difficulties. In my forgoing effort to provide a good environment for each student, I also have placed a great emphasis towards the understanding of special needs of a student under the umbrella of Autism. The main point of being a teacher is to attend to the student's needs in the presence of an instruction, for immediate assistance. It's through these experiences that I see a vision in me that precisely depict the true nature of my purpose to teach.

Upon completion of the education program at the University, I plan acquire a multitude of educational strategies while gaining literacy in all areas of education. As part of my short term goals, this include gaining additional knowledge base in social behavior issues and techniques, getting exposure to urban school setting for experience, and gaining additional foundations in the field of education.
OP mclite77 2 / 15  
Apr 12, 2012   #12
I continued the path in teaching students with disabilities as a Paraprofessional. I had accepted wider variety of roles than before. Although, this assignment did not require any specific sets of responsibilities, it had a particular role. I worked with a student on an individual basis conducting the uses of different teaching techniques that were introduced to me. The techniques I had learned became an added influence towards my interest to work with children in a greater extent. As a result, I had delivered something good to the student's needs. It provoked a positive impact in the child's progress days after. I grew to love the profession and I felt that teaching was part of me.

Can anyone make comments or edits on this paragraph, please.


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