Unanswered [7] / Featured [2] / URGENT [0]   

    help     or  

Essay Forum / Graduate Essays /      

Personal statement for Masters degree in Chemical Engineering help



engr_tahirThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: tahir
   
Jul 15, 2009, 07:29am   #1
I intend to take admission in uk universities.Please check my personal statement..Is there any grammatical or sentence structure mistakes? please correct them..I shall be very grateful to you.
--------------------
Personal statement
I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed institution, as I believe that a Masters degree will help me to realize my ultimate goal, which is to develop myself as a well trained chemical engineer and establish a career in the chemical industry.

Over the years in school, I developed a great interest in basic sciences and mathematics because I was amazed by the role science and mathematics played in helping mankind lead a better life. This led me to choose an undergraduate course in engineering, specifically chemical engineering, because I felt that chemical engineering was the only field which involved study of the basic sciences and mathematics. Another reason behind this choice was that, chemical engineers create innovations by solving technological problems that impact the life of common man in surprising ways. For me, this was a great opportunity to directly serve society.

In the period of study at <college name>, I have undertaken various courses like Heat transfer, Fluid mechanics, Mass Transfer, Mechanical Operations, Process Control, Chemical Reaction Engineering, Energy Management etc. which have introduced me to various theoretical concepts and methods which are widely used in chemical industry.

During my undergraduate study I had done two research projects. My major project entitled the Preliminary plant design of Nitric Acid was aimed to produce nitric acid with minimum affect on environment and maximum productivity but low cost. Nitric acid is very useful chemical compound about 80% of nitric acid produced is used in fertilizer industry. It is also used in manufacturing of explosives like RDX, TNT, etc. My second project was Urea Coating which was aimed to reduce nitrogen loss due to Ammonia volatilization. Both research projects enhanced my research ability and broaden my academic vision. The panel that evaluated my thesis rated it as "first-class", commenting on it as "clearly reasoned, with detailed and complete experimental data, demonstrating a thorough grasp of professional knowledge."

During my study as an undergraduate student, I also got an opportunity to visit various chemical industries around Pakistan. The first industrial visit to an oil refinery was a great experience for me. I was simply astounded to see the giant distillation towers and heat exchangers. I was also taken to the plant control division where I was shown how the entire plant was automated and how the entire process could be monitored using the computers. It was just awesome that an entire plant was being controlled by just a few operators monitoring the various critical parameters at their terminals. This really kindled my interest in the usage of computers in chemical industries which led me to explore more applications of computers in chemical engineering. Topics such as Process control, Process optimization, Modeling and simulation really interested me.

Visits to these industries also enlightened me on the various environmental issues confronting the industry. It also made me aware of the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment. A course on environmental engineering in my final year introduced the concept of sustainable development and how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution.


I feel that a Master's program in chemical engineering will go a long way in preparing me for a successful career in the chemical industry. I am sure that exposure to cutting edge facilities, interaction with renowned faculty at your institution will help develop my knowledge and versatility and help me to face stiff global competition. It would be a great privilege to be able to do my graduate studies at <UNIVERSITY NAME>, and I am quite confident that I will match the high standards set by your university."



LiebeThreads: 4
Posts: 749
Author: Faisal, Essayforum.com Contributor
   
Jul 15, 2009, 08:16am   #2
I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed institution, as I believe that a Masters degree will help me to realize my ultimate goal, which is to develop myself as a well trained chemical engineer and establish a career in the chemical industry.

SEE BELOW


EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,094
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Jul 15, 2009, 09:03am   #3
Great experience... just awesome... quite confident.

Eliminate empty modifiers like "quite" and "just." Replace vague modifiers like "great" with more specific words.


engr_tahirThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: tahir
   
Jul 15, 2009, 09:24am   #4
Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions and corrections..i will modify it and then i will show it to you again..

best regards,

tahir mehmood


ThenlizzwasallThreads: -
Posts: 2
Author: Liz Smith
   
Jul 15, 2009, 10:37am   #5
It's not bad at all, but a little bit dull. This essay is supposed to show individuality and give the admissions a good reason to pick you. Make it flow a little better and read more like a narrative.
However, it does sound like you did well, you just don't need to make a list of everything that you accomplished. Try to make it more descriptive.


engr_tahirThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: tahir
   
Jul 16, 2009, 07:48am   #6
Here I am posting my personal statement again ..I have done some modifications in it..plz check it and if there any mistakes then plz correct them.I will be waiting for replies from all you guys..
-------------------------------
Personal statement
I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed institution, as I believe that a Masters degree will help me to to develop myself as a well trained chemical engineer and establish a career in the chemical industry.

At school, I developed a great interest in the basic sciences and mathematics because I was amazed by the role science and mathematics played in helping mankind lead a better life. A number of processes and products, including fermentation for making alcohol and various foods, the use of enzymes for tanning leather, the use of bacteria for biological waste treatment and the production of antibiotics from mold culture, have been used and developed in the past are the examples of the role played by science and mathematics in helping mankind.

This led me to choose an undergraduate course in chemical engineering.I thought that chemical engineering was the only field which involved study of the basic sciences and mathematics. Chemical engineers have been improving our well-being for more than a century. From development of smaller, faster computer chips to innovations in recycling, treating disease, cleaning water, and generating energy, the processes and products that chemical engineers have helped create touch every aspect of our lives.

In the period of study at <college name>, I have undertaken various courses like Heat transfer, Fluid mechanics, Mass Transfer, Mechanical Operations, Process Control, Chemical Reaction Engineering, Energy Management etc. which have introduced me to various theoretical concepts and methods which are widely used in chemical industry.

During my undergraduate study I had done two research projects. My major project, entitled the preliminary plant design of Nitric Acid, was aimed to produce nitric acid with minimum effect on the environment as well as at maximum productivity but at a low cost. My second project was Urea Coating which was aimed to reduce nitrogen loss due to Ammonia volatilization. Both research projects enhanced my research ability and broadened my academic vision.

During my study as an undergraduate student, I also got an opportunity to visit various chemical industries around Pakistan. My first industrial visit to an oil refinery was a great experience. I was simply astounded to see the giant distillation towers and heat exchangers. I was also taken to the plant control division where I was shown how the entire plant was automated and how the entire process could be monitored using the computers. It was just awesome that an entire plant was being controlled by just a few operators monitoring the various critical parameters at their terminals. This kindled my interest in the usage of computers in chemical industries which led me to explore more applications of computers in chemical engineering. Topics such as Process control, Process optimization, Modeling and simulation interested me.

Visits to these industries also enlightened me on the various environmental issues confronting the industry; it made me aware of the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment. A course on environmental engineering in my final year introduced me to the concept of sustainable development and how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution.

A Master's program in chemical engineering will go a long way in preparing me for a fruitful career development in the future. I am sure that exposure to cutting edge facilities and interaction with renowned faculty at your institution will help develop my knowledge and versatility and help me to face stiff global competition.

It would be a great privilege to be able to do my graduate studies at <UNIVERSITY NAME>, and I am quite confident that I will match the high standards set by your university."


EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,094
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Jul 16, 2009, 08:14am   #7
A number of processes and products, including Fermentation for making alcohol and various foods, the use of enzymes for tanning leather, the use of bacteria for biological waste treatment and the production of antibiotics from mold culture, have been used and developed in the past are the examples of the role played by science and mathematics in helping humankind.

And now I see that you did not take any of my previous suggestions, so I am going to quit making suggestions. Good luck!


engr_tahirThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: tahir
   
Jul 16, 2009, 10:43pm   #8
Dear EF_Simone,

Please highlight the text where you see need for correction..As my first language is not english so I feel difficulty regarding grammer terms..you said in your previous reply to eliminate empty modifiers like "quite" and "just." Replace vague modifiers like "great" with more specific words.But i donot have any concept about empty modifiers and vague modifiers..If u plz highlight that areas and give me some ideas about another apropriate words that can be used there, I shall be very grateful to you.

best regards,

tahir


EF_SimoneThreads: 3
Posts: 2,094
Author: Simone, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Jul 17, 2009, 12:00pm   #9
Anywhere you have the words "just" or "quite," they can be struck. They don't add anything to the sentence and this is why we call them "empty."

Where you say "just awesome," tell us instead more specifically what you thought or felt.

In general, you want to get rid of any superfluous phrases that don't add any value to the sentence, as follows:

A Master's program in chemical engineering will go a long way in preparing me for a fruitful career development in the future. I am sure that Exposure to cutting edge facilities and interaction with renowned faculty at your institution will help develop my knowledge and versatility and help me to face stiff global competition.

Also, by the way, I disagree with whoever told you not to mention environmental issues. It's all about green tech these days. For sure, you should keep in the part where you mention that chemical engineers can help to reduce pollution.


LiebeThreads: 4
Posts: 749
Author: Faisal, Essayforum.com Contributor
   
Jul 17, 2009, 01:41pm   #10
What happened to my post? It seems to have 'gone below'...where? lol

EF_Simone:
Also, by the way, I disagree with whoever told you not to mention environmental issues. It's all about green tech these days. For sure, you should keep in the part where you mention that chemical engineers can help to reduce pollution.



I made the point on the environmental issues. I thought that Tahir over here just stated them, and did not make any points regarding his future ambitions and plans that pertain to the environment. Chemical engineers can have different plans in terms of what they want to do with their knowledge, and from what I gathered, reducing pollution is not one of Tahir's plans.

This is what Tahir said:

Visits to these industries also enlightened me on the various environmental issues confronting the industry; it made me aware of the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment. A course on environmental engineering in my final year introduced me to the concept of sustainable development and how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution.
^He says how his work experience taught him about the environmental issues, and 'the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment'.
Tahir then talks about a course that taught him 'how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution'
These are good points. However, all Tahir has done is talk about what he has learnt and seen.
Instead, Tahir has made it clear, from his introductory sentence, that he wants to focus on a career.
I suggested that, in that case, perhaps the environment part is not useful because Tahir has not expressed any keen environmental interests or actions he would like to take to make the environment less polluted....
Tahir instead, as aforementioned, wants to build a career, not focus on being a chemical engineer and contribute to bettering the environment (if he wants to, he has not made that clear at all in my opinion)
Whilst chemical engineers can contribute to reducing pollution, naturally not all chemical engineers do. Tahir presents himself as one that may not necessarily, take any action to reduce the pollution. What is the point of mentioning what chemical enginners can do, if Tahir does not plan on doing it?
Do you see where I was coming from Simone?


engr_tahirThreads: 1
Posts: 5
Author: tahir
   
Jul 17, 2009, 11:54pm   #11
Thanks alot EF_Simone and Liebe for your suggestions and corrections..hope to see you soon..thanks alot..

tahir


EF_SeanThreads: 6
Posts: 3,667
Author: Sean, EssayForum.com
[Moderator]   
Jul 17, 2009, 11:57pm   #12
"I thought that chemical engineering was the only field which involved study of the basic sciences and mathematics." This may be true, but you probably don't want to mention it, because, while it may be true that you believed that, the belief itself is manifestly false.




Essay Forum / Graduate Essays / Unanswered [this forum] / Featured / Similar

Similar discussions:


Random: Application letter, Bachelor Degree, International Business 'age of world globalization'


This thread has been closed.

Home - Search - About Us - Faq - EF Contributors - Contact Us

Copyright © 2006-2014 EssayForum.com  Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS  EssayForum RSS