What happened to my post? It seems to have 'gone below'...where? lol
Also, by the way, I disagree with whoever told you not to mention environmental issues. It's all about green tech these days. For sure, you should keep in the part where you mention that chemical engineers can help to reduce pollution.
I made the point on the environmental issues. I thought that Tahir over here just stated them, and did not make any points regarding his future ambitions and plans that pertain to the environment. Chemical engineers can have different plans in terms of what they want to do with their knowledge, and from what I gathered, reducing pollution is not one of Tahir's plans.
This is what Tahir said:
Visits to these industries also enlightened me on the various environmental issues confronting the industry; it made me aware of the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment. A course on environmental engineering in my final year introduced me to the concept of sustainable development and how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution.
^He says how his work experience taught him about the environmental issues, and 'the role of the chemical engineer towards protecting the environment'.
Tahir then talks about a course that taught him 'how a chemical engineer could contribute towards reducing pollution'
These are good points. However, all Tahir has done is talk about what he has learnt and seen.
Instead, Tahir has made it clear, from his introductory sentence, that he wants to focus on a career.
I suggested that, in that case, perhaps the environment part is not useful because Tahir has not expressed any keen environmental interests or actions he would like to take to make the environment less polluted....
Tahir instead, as aforementioned, wants to build a career, not focus on being a chemical engineer and contribute to bettering the environment (if he wants to, he has not made that clear at all in my opinion)
Whilst chemical engineers can contribute to reducing pollution, naturally not all chemical engineers do. Tahir presents himself as one that may not necessarily, take any action to reduce the pollution. What is the point of mentioning what chemical enginners can do, if Tahir does not plan on doing it?
Do you see where I was coming from Simone?