Please provide your feedback on my personal statement, I also have another one for petroleum engineering.
My interest in science dates back to my years in secondary school, where I enjoyed studying biology, physics, chemistry, and maths and also developed an interest in computers. I want to pursue a Masters programme that combines all or most of these as it will provide me with technical high-level research skills and increased confidence; it will also enhance my data collection and analytical ability, organisational and communication skills and help facilitate a change of career or specialisation.
Chemical Engineering appeals to me because of the challenges involved in the application of scientific theory to practical, real world problems. I am aware that in today's world chemical engineering has an increasingly important role across a wide range of industries from pharmaceuticals to petrochemicals. The broad range of career paths, and the opportunity to contribute to society through technological innovation, is for me, one of the main attractions of chemical engineering.
During my secondaryeducation, I accumulated hands-on experience of adjusting and operating experimental equipments, acquiring and analyzing data, constructing apparatus. I studied GNVQ (ADV) Science in college where technical skills, my interest in science and my communication and interpersonal skills improved greatly, my research skills also developed tremendously while doing several courseworks.
When deciding on my undergraduate course, I had the opportunity to be exposed to the full range of engineering courses, all of which tended to reinforce and solidify my intense interest in engineering and I decided to study BEng Computer Systems Engineering in City University where I learnt both the hardware and software design of computer systems. A precious aspect of my undergraduate education is my research experience and I also enjoyed working both within groups and on my own especially during my dissertation where I used MATLAB software to create a 3-dimension matrix.
The project management skills acquired during my studies and in my current role as an IT Consultant will allow me to manage real life projects from conception to completion. I have also recently passed the foundation level Prince 2 and ITIL certifications.
Working in a team has given me great exposure to the advantages and challenges of teamwork, as well as preparing me to take on supervisory roles. My experience of carrying out research and writing reports demonstrate my initiative and attention to detail. I have gained invaluable communication skills developed through teamwork, presenting my research project and in my current position.
I enjoy singing in my church choir, reading romance novels, cooking, listening to gospel and R&B music, surfing the net and meeting people from all walks of life. In my spare time, I enjoy teaching and volunteered for several years as a Maths, English and Science teacher in a youth club. I was also a part of the Millenium volunteer project while attending college and enjoyed volunteering in Sydenham Girls' school where I assisted teachers in helping students that were behind in class. I also used given weekly tuition in Maths, English and Science.
I am very aware of the excellent reputation of your university as it provides the best environment for graduate education, including competitive and inspiring academic atmosphere, active and fruitful research, access to first-class facilities, and close interaction between students and its distinguished faculty. I realize that admission into your university is highly competitive but hope I will be given the privilege of continuing my studies at your fine institution. I eagerly look forward to the exciting opportunities that studying Chemical Engineering has to offer.
During my secondary education , I accumulated hands-on experience in adjusting and operating experimental equipments, acquiring and analyzing data, constructing apparatus.
I studied GNVQ (ADV) Science in college where technical skills, my interest in science and my communication and interpersonal skills improved greatly. My research skills also developed tremendously while doing several courseworks.
This seems a bit stronger if we divide this into two sentences. (above)
When deciding on my undergraduate course, I had the opportunity to be exposed to the full range of engineering courses, all of which tended to reinforce and solidify my intense interest. in engineering and
"A precious aspect of my undergraduate education is my research experience and I also enjoyed working both within groups and on my own especially during my dissertation where I used MATLAB software to create a 3-dimension matrix."
again, this sentence can be broken up for clarity.
My experience of carrying out research and writing reports demonstrates my initiative and attention to detail.
In my spare time, I enjoy teaching and have volunteered for several years as a Maths, English and Science teacher in a youth club.
I also used to give weekly tuition in Maths, English and Science.
I am very aware of the excellent reputation of your university as it provides the best environment for graduate education, including a competitive and inspiring academic atmosphere, active and fruitful research, access to first-class facilities, and close interaction between students and its distinguished faculty.
Not only is this sentence another that could stand to be broken up, but also it's beginning to sound like you are sending this to many schools at once, as your description of it is vague and could be any school.
In this paragraph-----> I am very aware of the excellent reputation of your university ... I realize that admission into your university is highly competitive ...exciting opportunities that studying Chemical Engineering has to offer. I think you are too obvious about trying to make it general.. like you are sending the same essay to many schools. Spend a minute or two to find something unique to say for each school to which you are applying. Search online, etc.
Here are a few fixes, but most importantly, I wanted to say that this is impressive and that I think it will do well!!
