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MBA career/goal/WHY MBA prompt.



AncientmtkThreads: 1
Posts: 1
Author: bryan weee
   
Jan 21, 2010, 02:09am   #1
Can someone help me proof read my MBA essay and see if it "flows" well enough?

Thanks!!

1. Why are you seeking to pursue your MBA study at this moment of your life in relation to your short-term and long-term career goals? Explain how an MBA from CEIBS will contribute to these goals. (500 words)

The world is watching. With an astounding 9% annual growth projected over the next 5 years according to Asian Development Bank and a barely tapped market of 1.3 billion people, China has captivated entrepreneurs around the globe for the past decades. This economic transformation holds enormous opportunities to leverage new technologies to resolve inefficiencies and improve the standard of living in China.

Inspired to contribute to this economic transformation, my long term career goal is to start a software company that provides centralized software services across multiple mobile platforms and deliver critical market data to Chinese businesses and end-consumers. To achieve this goal, however, I need a deeper understanding of the principles behind technology developments and their impact on the market. In the short term, I want to pursue a strategy consulting career focused in technology or operations to build expertise in China's consumer markets. Exposure to multiple industries will allow me to understand subtle complexities in business practices and will assist my entrepreneurial ambition.

Obtaining an MBA is crucial at this point because I need a better understanding of topics such as management theories, business strategies, and finance to complement my technical background. An MBA will gear me with proper business training to assess opportunities, scrutinize market conditions, and allocate resources effectively. As an aspiring entrepreneur, I need to hone my technical abilities along with acute business sense in order to navigate through today's complex global market. Furthermore, an MBA will provide the necessary leadership development and networking opportunities for me to transit into strategy consulting and start my software venture.

My education and career has been focused around different facet of the technology field, from building communication devices in college to conducting due diligence on high-tech startups at a venture-capital firm in Taiwan. As an application engineer at TTM Technologies, a printed-circuit board manufacturer, I designed new automation software and streamlined manufacturing operations. In a time-sensitive environment where orders have to be delivered within a 24-hour window, I combined intensive analysis in both manufacturing and information technology and redesigned decade-old algorithms to modern standard. I effectively reduced material cost by 60% and increased production yield by 80%. With further education from an MBA, I will be able to leverage my experiences and passion to excel as a strategic consultant and entrepreneur in the future.

CEIBS is my top business school choice because it not only provides high quality MBA education, but also an opportunity to achieve my career goals. With its rigorous curriculum, I will gain valuable insights on business practices and culture in China. Classes such as "Managing Business Marketing & Branding" and "Entrepreneurship Finance" offer industry expertise in marketing and finance that will gear me for a career in strategy consulting. Most importantly, CEIBS has a strong alumni network in Shanghai and throughout China on which I can establish contacts and build a strong foothold in the land of "guanxi."



EF_KevinThreads: 33
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Jan 22, 2010, 10:30pm   #2
Ancientmtk:
The world is watching.

I love this first line, but you need one more sentence at the end of this first paragraph, and it has to mention the world watching once more to complete the idea. That way, the end of the first para will resolve the question raised in readers' minds.

When you put 2 sentences together as a compound sentence, use a comma:
Obtaining an MBA is crucial at this point, because I need a better understanding of topics such as...

My education and career have been focused around on various different facets of the technology field, from building communication devices in college to conducting due diligence on high-tech startups at a venture-capital firm in Taiwan.

Nice job, this is really impressive.
...because it not only provides not only a high quality MBA education, but also an opportunity to achieve two of my most important career goals: _________ and ____________. With its rigorous curriculum, I will gain valuable...




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